Join the Conversation on
50 people
0 stories
8 posts
Explore Our Newsletters
What's New in

Confused, questioning. At 30. Again

With my memories all but….messed up

I just …
How do I know what my sexuality is? Again
Like yes this is not MH focused but my memories being lost? And in that- my identity being lost-
sexuality got lost too.
How do I know I like women too? How do I know? When my mind can only focus on one person? Not women as a whole but one person.
I feel nothing.
I’m serious I feel nothing.
It’s like…
It’s like everything that was solid it’s just ….gone.
And I’m here now.
And I’m just confused as ever.
Because if I can’t feel….then how much am I “pretending”???
How much of myself am I pretending ???
I don’t know
what to do anymore.
Or how to figure this out because I barely remember what I did the first time and worse- I had someone help me figure it out.
I don’t have anyone tis time . It’s just me. Myself and I.
And all 3 of us are staring at each other wondering how the hell we are doing this. Again. By ourselves. With no help.

I shouldn’t be doing this again this should be solid. This should be solid a part of me right? But it’s not it’s just not and aim so frustrated at myself for having to do this. Again.
Other people have it figured out and I don’t because I’m starting over from scratch.
And it’s not fair it’s not fair I’m reduced to a blank slate and everyone else has grooves and edges and I have nothing.

I’m just ….empty.

See full photo

Boredom and apathy

Feeling very much passive #Questioning I feel like at times I can feel like what's the point? I've thrown away a lot of my life for three years


¿ " This App Has Some Random People " ? #Questioning #Thought 's

☆ " So I Just Read A Comnent Left By A Random . Litterly Asking Me If I Liked Dating Children... This App Is No Longer A Safe Haven For People. Anymore... But When People Read Post's And Don't Even Bother To Read Or Fully Understand The Meaning Of The Post's... Make The Worst Comment's That Are Out Of Nowhere... So If People Are Going To Read Other People's Storie's... Please Be Fully Aware Of What Your Reading Before Leaving Comment's On A Member's Post's. This Comment That This Random Lady Left About My Job Post's From Yesterday. Made Me Very Angry How Can Someone... Go From Saying That I Like Dating Children. I'm Not A Pedo Maybe They Are... But To Be Troll Is On Another Level... If You Don't Have Nothing Postive To Say Then... Don't Say Anything And Move Along.. " ☆ ° SKADI ° #Thought 's


Being Common, Being Famous, the Past Life & the Real Life

Being Common, Being Famous, the Past Life & the Real Life - #DwhellOnIt Episode 64

📺 -

🗣 - "Sure, there are #trans #individuals who had their sex assigned at birth by a doctor who has never known them. And accepted by people who assumed they knew what was best for you. And then followed office administrators #stamping papers and typing on keyboards. Assigning a gender identity to someone who never even had a voice in things, let alone having a voice, period. And then, #saying , 'No, my gender identity does not align with my sex assigned at birth.' Thanks for that, by the way, everybody."

❓ - What's #DwhellOnIt ?

👀 - Dwhell On It is a series where I answer your questions about my lived experience as a #trans woman!

📺 - Follow the playlist! -

🔖 - Bookmarks!

* Do you wish you had transitioned earlier? Why? Why not?

* How much do you share in common with other #trans people? Do you share anything in common with other #LGBTQ people too?

* Would you like to be famous? In what way?

* Do you treat yourself with anything because you are #trans ?

* How did you prepare to prove real-life experience for your transition?

🔗 - Links!

* I'm still closeted and don't know if I could ever come out because I'll get seen like I'm different. Did or do you still feel the same way, and how do you cope with that? -

* "You mention you don't regret the time lost. I'm starting #HRT at 39. I've been #Questioning my gender for 15-20 years. I'm thinking about what would have happened if I'd figured it out or been braver early on." How do you do that? -

* How would you describe the #trans community in three words? -

* How Presentation Affects Representation -

* Are there any #Events in your life that helped encourage you to transition? -

‼️ - Like! Share! Subscribe!

➕ - Subscribe to see new episodes when they get uploaded! -

✉️ - Comment or DM your questions to get answered in a future episode!

👍🏻 - Please like and share!

👱🏼‍♀️ - Look Me Up!

@TaylorLakhryst: #Transgender woman, advocate, INFJ, ♊️, she/her/hers 🏳️‍⚧️

* Linktree:

👀 - Fight Against Hate!

📣 - End anti-2SLGBTQIA+ abuse! -

📣 - Biased systems, ignorant platforms, violent abusers and isolated victims stay ongoing.

📣 - Grassroots power comes from its people! Get involved or refer others you know to challenge systemic violence and oppression!

💻 - You Can Help!

@HireWheller: A grassroots group to help the 2SLGBTQIA+ community overcome often-minimized struggles.

* Instagram:

* Facebook:

* Twitter:

📒 - Alt Information!

* Text: Dwhell on it with Taylor Lakhryst! Being Common, Being Famous, the Past Life & the Real Life - Episode 64 - HIREWHELLER

* Description: A blonde woman is wearing glasses, a grey heathered sweater and a black shirt. There is blue text with a purple and magenta accent. She is sitting on a black chair in front of a beige wall.

* Captions: Automated

#Lesbian #LGBT #demisexual #equality

Your Q's, my A's! Let's #DwhellOnIt!

❓ - What's #DwhellOnIt? 👀 - Dwhell On It is a series where I answer your questions about my lived experience as a #trans woman! 📺 - Follow the playlist! - ht...
See full photo

*sigh* 🥺😭 Why is it that we feel the need to pretend to be okay?

As children, we pretend for fun. As teenagers, we pretend we care. But why do we pretend to be okay? I'm 16, and I've been pretending my whole life. Pretending that I didn't care about the abuse, about the loss. Pretending that I wasn't depressed or crying every night. But I am pretending that I don't miss my girlfriend. We got together about a week and a half ago, but I haven't talked to her since the day after we got together. It doesn't seem like a big deal, I know. But to me it is. I made this (the picture attached) for my tablet wallpaper. It took me 4 hours to get it all done, and I wanted to show her. But I couldn't. She had gotten in trouble and doesn't get her phone for an unknown amount of time. *sigh*

We haven't been together that long but this hurts....a lot. Why?

#why #wlw #LGBTQ #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #help #Questioning #attachment #attachmentissues

1 comment

Identifying my gender and sexuality

Trigger warning CSA

Hi everyone and thank you for the add. I’m working through some past trauma and developing my sense of identity and it’s become obvious to me that I am queer…I think bisexual, and I have known this since childhood. I suffered some extreme sexual abuse as a young child and as an adult too from several males. But I’m not 100% sure on my sexuality and if anyone has advice on how to wade through the confusion with the sexual abuse context I would love to hear it. Physically exploring this isn’t an option as I’m not looking to get out of my long-term relationship. Not looking for anyone to identify it for me as I know only I can do that. Just advice.

I have also never identified with my assigned gender, although I can be quite stereotypically feminine at times. This has been for as long as I can remember, and before I was abused. I don’t often feel that I identify as male though. I thought I was non-binary or agender but my identity wavers. Again I’m not looking for anyone to identify what I am, but any resources that are backed by mental health professionals on these topics would be so useful. And advice on how to tell people who have known me one way for a long time.

Have a lovely day 🌈
#LGBTQ #Questioning

1 comment

Questioning Everything #anixety #Questioning

Does anyone feel like they question everything they do? How to make the right decision for yourself and not to worry what everyone else thinks? I feel like I'm constantly questioning everything I do in life and honestly i drive myself crazy some days.


Sexual Abuse, Sexuality and Confusion

As a #SexualAbuseSurvivor I’ve dealt with confusion regarding my sexuality. For a long time I thought I was bisexual, but the more I ruminate over it, the more I think I’m straight. Has any other sexual abuse survivor dealt with this? How do you figure out your sexuality? I was abused my a male, so I don’t understand why I flip back and forth between bisexual and straight. Any response is appreciated. #Questioning sexuality dealing with it #SexualAbuse #Confusion

1 comment

questioning myself again #LGBTQ #queer#trans

I recently going through some different labels regarding my gender identity and I think I'm transmasculine and genderqueer so yeah. idk gender is a confusing concept. lol. hope you're having a good day/night #genderqueer #nonbinary #NB #genderfluid #Questioning

1 comment

I’m crying right now

So I legit just signed up for this like a few minutes ago. And I scrolled around to get a feel of things. I’m now crying because I relate to so many people. But I also don’t. I never got diagnosed by anyone. No one knows about anything and I’m so scared to tell anyone that I hate myself. When I have breakdowns, I leave my door open. Giving my family the chance to find me crumpled down in a sobbing mess.

But actually, I wouldn’t be able to explain why I was sat down on the ground crying. I don’t know how I’d be able to look at my mother or my siblings in the face and tell them I’m hurting. I wish for comfort, and for help. But I don’t know how I’d cope when a therapist pokes prods at me, asking me to explain myself. I am extremely shy, it doesn’t matter if you’re my best friend or my own mother. I’m still too shy to speak up.

I act on impulse, I’d say things, think things, and do things without reason. That's why it’s so hard for me to keep real friends. Friends that I only hang around so I won't get bored. And also, while I'm at the topic, is it wrong to only hang out with a group of people so you don't grow bored at school? Is it bad that I didn't feel attached to them? I didn't feel much emotion to them. They just were there so I wouldn't completely lose it while I was at school. I now feel like a monster. I didn't deserve their love and compassion. I can't look at one of the girls now and call her my friend. I lost contact with all of them and decided that I'd make real friends.

I'm jealous, bad, and disgusting. I grew angry and emotional over the fact that my older brother was getting professional help for himself and I wasn't getting help. I'm an over-emotional crybaby. I realize it more and more. I can cry from just thinking of something randomly, it's sad.

Is it also bad that I cry when I get angry? I find it embarrassing and disgusting when I'm trying to stand up for myself and I end up crying violently. What's up with that? #Undiagnosed #Ranting #Questioning #Depression #Crying