hopelessfeelings

I’m 19, will be 20 next month. I didn’t go to the doctor as a child and just started going in August of 2019. I found the most perfect doctor ever but around December 2019 I started to lose my insurance which meant I couldn’t go to him anymore. I’m just getting the money thanks to a new job to buy my own insurance because I am ineligible for Medicaid. The insurance that I have now with this place called mercy care (received it for a year because I am homeless long story short) the doctors don’t care. Every single doctor I go to says I’m so young and never try to help me figure out what’s going on with me past blood tests and assuming I’m pregnant when I’m abstinent or on drugs or something (racial profiling). I even had one doctor physically handle me wrongly, pushing me and so on for trying to explain myself and telling her I wasn’t pregnant (lol all she did was give me ibuprofen; I cried so hard after this appointment). This cycle that I’ve been going on makes me hopeless ( I have depression and anxiety/ptsd) so you can imagine how it can get sometimes) it’s so tiring but I’m glad that’s over. I got some new insurance through healthcare.gov and made sure to put in my doctor so that I could go back to him. Well today that insurance informed me that somehow he is not in service with them all of a sudden. I felt discouraged because I have been so happy about going back so he can continue figuring out what’s wrong with me but I will be getting a refund and I’m just gonna check with my doctor to see what insurance he’s under. Anyways to the point. I’m gonna list some of the symptoms I’ve been having and most of these I have been having for YEARS. If someone could help me diagnose so I can make a list for my doctor to look into or just send some encouragement (I’m Christian do bible verses, sermons, or studies on the Bible app are welcomed) or can relate to any of these things please help me.. thank you. I’m really suffering so much.

Most recent symptoms:
- excruciating breast pain for 4-5 months w/ lumps redness and recent rashes under my breasts(Went to get a ultrasound and they said they didn’t see anything so they didn’t look any further)
- excruciating leg pain that feels like my veins are beating out of my legs or something (since 15) sometimes the pain carries to other parts of my body and this happens very frequently.
- lumps under my arms (found one today but I have found them there before I would say it’s been 2-3 years)
- I fainted in September/October. This was my first time. Before this I have had black outs.
- nausea, earlier 2020 end of 2019 I was throwing up a lot (green, yellow, orange colors and I was throwing up my food as soon as I would eat it. It looked and tasted like acid) I got the camera up my backside and down my throat and they didn’t find anything apparently.
- Excruciating stomach pains, literally all types of stomach pain. Recently it felt so bad that I couldn’t move from where I was sitting. (Pt.1 posting pt 2 later)

Watching someone you connect with on a spiritual level battling their fourth round of chemotherapy and also succumbing to one of the most self-destructive behaviors and LITERALLY not being able to stop it makes me feel like i'm going to vomit out every single organ i have.

Some days are good. Great, even.
Days when I am confident; days when I like what I see in the mirror; days when I eat nutritious foods and workout and take care of my body; days when my soul is happy; days when I am excited and hopeful for the future.
But then, there are bad days.
Days when it feels impossible to do the simplest of tasks (like getting out of bed in the morning); days when I do nothing or everything but sleep; days when I binge on every food item in sight; days when I wish I was invisible; days when my fingernails are picked bloody from anxiety; days when I am hopeless. Depressed.
I’ve been having “one of those days” for two weeks now and I feel so stuck. Life doesn’t pause just because I’m breaking down, and I feel like I’m drowning. #Depression #Anxiety #hopelessfeelings #CrohnsDisease #EatingDisorders

my psych dr refuses to change my meds even thou I've had multiple suicide attempts I've been manic for months ever since I got raped

#Mania
#Suicide #hopelessfeelings

hey guys. I don’t know if you can relate to this. but when I wake up I usually get this really bad feeling in my stomach. it makes me feel like nothing is ever going to be good again, and that I will forever be sad because nothing makes me happy in that moment. it’s really a hopeless feeling. it takes a few minutes to breathe it away.

I always referred to it as anxiety but it isn’t connected to anything in particular. there are ofc things that can trigger it stronger or to stay longer but it comes every day.

does anyone relate to this and would you say it’s depression or anxiety throwing itself at me every morning the past 10 years?

#Depression #Anxiety #sad #hopeless #hopelessfeelings

I was more successful at 24 than I am a decade later. I hade a relationship that I'd been in long term. a good job. owned a home.

but I was miserable and couldn't stand it. I craved excitement, travel, someone who loved me as much as I loved him. so o chopped it all in and started over.

after a few missteps I feel happy.. genuinely happy every day. I'm still taking more steps to get better but it is going up finally
I have no job
no house in my name
but I am happier every single day

Having a strong support system is important. I think I have that, but then there are bad days and Iwant to reach out only to realize I have a pretty small support system of friends who are dealing with their own things, who are stressed about their work and family. and here I am..worrying about mediocre things...i can't do a simple task. I'm there for them...but why can't I reach out when I need them...why do I feel like my own needs aren't as important, why... #Anxiety #hopelessfeelings #supportsystems #Thoughts

I have so many negative thoughts this week. anyone else ? 😔

I try so hard to please people but my everything never seems to be enough. Feeling like giving up is all to comfortable within my mind.  Too much is coming at one time.  I'm 56, and so tired of struggling. I feel like it will never end. Staying grounded in the present is so hard sometimes.
#CheckInWithMe