imnotashamed

For every moment that I do feel good, I’m reminded of the losses, the abandonment, and the emptiness that seems to be the forefront of my life. I’m not ashamed of my illness, nor do I want it to take over my life, but I find that I distance myself more than usual at this time. I feel that I can’t allow anyone to get close to me, and even though I’d like to have better relationships, I’ve come to believe that as long as I am the way that I am (even when I do go through therapy) I’ll never have a “normal” relationship with anyone. I try hard to not let the world harden me, but it seems like being hardened is the thing that keeps me going. I’m constantly battling with my mind everyday. I’m pretty sure I’ve been living in survival mode all of my life. I know people care, I know there are people who want me to stay, and as many times as I have an idea of who I am, most times I don’t. I’m very much caught in a lonely place at this stage of my life. #Depression #MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness #abandonmentissues #FearOfAbandonment #Emptiness #Imnotashamed #identitydisturbance #Loneliness #battling #SurvivalMode #feelinglonely #FeelingEmpty

I’m going to get a tattoo of #MeToo on the inside of my wrist. The triggers my sexual abuse caused are permanent like the tattoo .... and I refuse to be silent about it anymore because of shame. Hopefully it will help others feel less alone. #Imnotashamed