SurvivalMode

I have manic depression, and I KNOW I am really not supposed to consume caffeine (or anything that ends with “ine”). And I’ve received overwhelming confirmation that its effects are more harmful than beneficial…but for some reason lately it’s been so tough to break the addiction smh!! I cannot be the only person whose coffee/Starbucks/caffeine addiction is interrupting their entire life. Today, I did not have any caffeine, and my brain (which had a headache all day) and body craved it 90% of the whole day. I fought not getting some at work 😅. I really don’t know what to do to combat this addiction, and I want to fight it holistically. #help !!

#Bipolar #coffee #Starbucks #Depression #Anxiety #SurvivalMode #Addiction #Recovery #suggestions

For every moment that I do feel good, I’m reminded of the losses, the abandonment, and the emptiness that seems to be the forefront of my life. I’m not ashamed of my illness, nor do I want it to take over my life, but I find that I distance myself more than usual at this time. I feel that I can’t allow anyone to get close to me, and even though I’d like to have better relationships, I’ve come to believe that as long as I am the way that I am (even when I do go through therapy) I’ll never have a “normal” relationship with anyone. I try hard to not let the world harden me, but it seems like being hardened is the thing that keeps me going. I’m constantly battling with my mind everyday. I’m pretty sure I’ve been living in survival mode all of my life. I know people care, I know there are people who want me to stay, and as many times as I have an idea of who I am, most times I don’t. I’m very much caught in a lonely place at this stage of my life. #Depression #MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness #abandonmentissues #FearOfAbandonment #Emptiness #Imnotashamed #identitydisturbance #Loneliness #battling #SurvivalMode #feelinglonely #FeelingEmpty

I’ve been feeling a little numb these last couple of days. I don’t feel as depressed as before, but with all that’s happening with Covid-19, my ongoing family issues, and my ever changing relationships, I feel like I’m living on survival mode all over again. I’m happy to say that I have had some good moments in all of this. For a number of days, I actually felt happy for the first time in a while. I still struggle with the my feelings though. Sometimes the grey areas fade away and then everything is black and white. But more than anything else, all I want right now is a hug. #MentalHealth #feelings #SocialDistancing #SurvivalMode #BlackandwhiteThinking #Feelingnumb #numb #happymoments #COVID19

With a sense of #despair and #hopelessness , I write. Reaching out to those that may relate might give me a bit of #peace . I'm #frightened , and my mental health #symptoms are slowly #Spiraling me into #SurvivalMode . Looking for the next threat. Searching for safety. Experiencing uncertainty. I am full of fear, but I know I am not alone. I'll keep fighting because I am a #Survivor.

#BipolarDisorder #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #Fibromyalgia #Addiction #Recovery #wellness #Health

Can anyone else relate to bipolar disorder being the underlining reason why they can’t keep a job? It’s extremely difficult to be able to function like a “normal” person when you’re living from paycheck to paycheck, NOT having LITERALLY ANYONE ON THIS EARTH to help you out if you fall into hard (financial) times, wondering if your manic depression will get in the way of yet another job and keep you from making ends meet. It is just too much to always be in survival mode and never getting far, never being able to save money, and barely staying above water. THIS is the reason why I battle with suicidal thoughts on a damn near daily basis. If my BASIC needs were taken care of, I wouldn’t have half the problems with my manic depression as I do now. I know money isn’t everything, but it can make or break one’s mental state if s/he is always wondering whether s/he will eventually become homeless because, despite the fact that s/he is a hard worker, s/he can never obtain stability of any kind. #Bipolar #manicdepression #Depression #SurvivalMode #MaslowsHierarchyOfNeeds #Finances #hardship #nohelp #Nosupport #suicidal #Thoughts

I crave oblivion. The nothingness of it. I am so tired. Tired of thinking. Tired of feeling. Tired of caring. Tired of being. I’m still aware enough that things will get better that I only want the oblivion temporarily, like a coma. Then I can wake up and feel like me again! Strong, unconquerable, unbreakable, and capable! But right now, all I feel is tired and numb as I pray for oblivion to over take me.
#Depression #CheckInWithMe #SurvivalMode