TW: self-harm mention.
Honestly I’m emotionally broken at this point. I’m not saying that in a self-deprecating way, just simple acknowledgement.
I’ve been repressing my emotions for so long, and to a much greater extent recently thanks to anxiety, that now I can hardly feel anything. Most of my life I’ve automatically repressed some of my emotions, just because it was how I was brought up, but recently anxiety has made me purposefully repress my emotions more than I had previously. It stopped me from self-harming, but now it’s almost impossible for me to feel anything. I look at my friends, and even when I’m actively trying to feel the love I know I have for them, it’s just outside my grasp. I miss self-harm simply because then I could still feel things, I still felt alive. Now all I feel is nothing but a void, an echo of what once was.
But I’m also afraid of my own emotions, so afraid that I don’t know which I want more. For my emotions to slowly begin to live again as I spend more time with my friends, out for me to fall into old habits of self-harm so that I can maybe feel alive again without having to truly combat my emotions. I hate this, because I haven’t self-harmed in months, and gods help me, I don’t want to relapse, but I’m terrified of my own emotions.
*sighs* I know myself well enough to know that I won’t relapse any time soon, but I hate how emotionally broken I am.
#Depression #Anxiety #Stress #scared #Selfharm #emotionallynumb #numb #EmptyInside #FeelingEmpty
I often feel like I'm isolated, lonely, and feel empty. Funny when I read how many others feel three same, I don't feel ago bad. #isolated #FeelingEmpty #feelingbetter #improvement
I am sleepy bit o don't want to sleep at all ..I wanna do some work bhut I don't have energy for that..I didn't study at all..I've got a lot on my mind these days.i feel isolated and separated from the world .no one sees me..I'm constantly at war with myself..I only feel like crying these days..I get sad very suddenly..I feel like am no good..my looks my college my future everything worries me..am no good at any field..I am a loses and I don't like it..There's a deep unexplained sadness in me that's eating away at my hopes and dreams and literally want to fade away from this world peacefully.i don't know what is wrong with me...I don't want to loive like this any more but I don't know what shoul I do ... #Depression #Sadness #FeelingEmpty #feelingexhausted #feelinghopeless #feelinnothing #helpme
I woke up this morning and felt empty and unwanted. All I could think about was the song “everything i wanted” by Billie Eilish. I really wish I had someone to keep me company. Interestingly enough, I’ve been feeling like that for the last few days. I like to be alone, I like my solitude, but I don’t like feeling lonely. And the thing is, I really hate feeling this way. For the longest time, I felt like I didn’t need anything and didn’t like to depend on people for very long because I was always told to not get comfortable for to long because things change. I feel like in some way, this is a way of saying that I’m more human than I think myself to be (if that makes sense). #MentalHealth #Depression #FeelingEmpty #feelingunwanted
I was fine earlier, and now I feel like crying. I feel empty and numb. As much as I want to feel needed, I just want to be alone right now. #MentalHealth #Depression #Feelingnumb #FeelingEmpty
For the last couple of days, I’ve been sleeping a lot. And I mean A LOT. My work schedule has been busy due to Covid-19 and I know my sleep schedule could be better as well. I slept most of the day Saturday, but was still tired. I went to bed that night, and although I didn’t go to bed late, I still woke up late. I ended up falling asleep again a couple of hours after waking up. I’m trying to keep my mind busy and taking breaks too. I still feel a lot of negative feelings about myself. I still feel that I’m not good enough for anyone and that I’m aware that my future relationships will not be normal. I’m still very afraid to let anyone in and I find that I’ve been pushing people away who actually do want to help me. I’m not comfortable with people taking care of me, but maybe in a way I need that to an extent. There is a lot of unknowns in front of me and within me as well. I still feel like I don’t have a face and that I still feel an emptiness that I can’t put a name on. On top of that, I find that my mood does change quite a bit. I think it has balanced out a little because of the medication, but I still have the intense thoughts and feelings periodically from anger to sadness that makes me want to scream because feeling sad is so painful. All these things I experience, I go through it with my mouth shut because I find it so hard to talk about it, that and I don’t want to worry anyone. I can function around others, but all the while I’m hiding all of this. #MentalHealth #Depression #mood #FeelingEmpty #FeelingVunerable #NegativeThoughts #sleeping #pushingpeopleaway
My anxiety has heightened in the last few hours. Even though I feel empty inside, my chest feels heavy. I know most people don't care about whether or not I've been sad or questioning my existence and even my purpose in life. I feel like it may be best to just avoid anyone whom I've cared about. I'm sure I don't mean much to others. I don't think I belong any place. #Depression #MentalHealth #Emptiness #Anxiety #purposeinlife #Idontmatter #FeelingEmpty #Feelingsad #feelingaloneandlost
For the past 5 to 6 years of my life I have battled depression, now after finding some meds that help reduce depression even for a short time, I am realizing all of my formative years were spent being depressed. I have no self identity, I feel as If my whole personality is being depressed. How do I find out what I like to do and who I am after going so long without knowing nor caring?
If I had wings, I'd leave everything behind. I've been dealing with a lot at work and at home. I have men in my life in both of those places and none of them pay attention to me. I never being up me internal struggles to many, I find myself thinking about it all at work only to cry myself to sleep in the safety of my bedroom. That seems to be the heaven for me, while outside is Hell itself. I still struggle with the idea that I'm needed in this world. In my mind, it feels like I'm unwanted, disregarded, and occasionally acknowledged. I sit on the bathroom floor after coming home sometimes. I'm either letting things sink in or I'm crying my eyes out while trying not to make a lot of noise. I count they days until I see the psychologist. More and more I feel empty inside. More and more I feel like I need to distract myself from these intense emotions. More and more I think about dying. I don't expect much anymore, nor do I feel that there is anyone who can really understand me. #MentalHealth #Depression #Sadness #Emptiness #intenseemotions #Feelingunappreciated #feelinglonely #FeelingEmpty #Feelingsad #insidemyownhead #keepingthingstomyself #heaven #hell