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Living on my own (with my husband) for the first time truly and coming to terms with everything that's happened in my past #MentalHealth #PTSD

My entire, both sides, of my family rarely talk to each other unless necessary, even though there is an "open door" policy with some. However, living on my own for the first time ever in my 34 years round the sun, I'm coming to realize that that policy only means for things they are willing to talk about. I'm an #EmotionalAbuse survivor from my father, mother, ex-husband and his his family. I'm a thrice #SexualAbuse survivor once from a "friend" twice from my ex-husband, and another time from another "friend". I have been diagnosed also with #SchizoaffectiveDisorder and #PTSD and #AnorexiaNervosa
I most recently dealt with a very heavy dose of emotional and mental abuse from my mother while trying to be a caregiver for her as she is how I also got #EhlersDanlosSyndrome and #chronicepstein-Barr . But now myself and my husband are in our own place in a safe environment, where we can just be. I'm eternally grateful my husband has stuck with me through thick and thin, he has loved me as I have dealt with two major deaths; my brother and my father, and has been my protector when it comes to other people. His words, he is the first and last line of defense when it comes to me. He makes sure that I have the time for therapy and makes sure I'm okay. I don't talk about a lot of thus stuff ever especially as gay, genderqueer person in the outside world. I've only recently started opening up and relearning who I really trust. I battle daily with not only intrusive thoughts but also "do I really need to eat?" and "do I really need to sit down??" When I'm starving or in #ChronicPain flare. I am a person who only in the outside world trusts a handful of select people that I carefully choose and nurture. I can literally count on one hand the number of people I truly and utterly trust with my life and it only gets to five. Everyone else I know is either more my husband's friend, or am acquaintance.
But life is becoming easier, one day at a time. Finances have become more balanced which is wonderful, now we're craving more desirable and deserved compensation for me as I've been in the hair industry for (including school) 13 years. But at the moment, life has finally become balanced, at least with finances and mostly with work-life. Not always on that second one but we're getting there.

#IndependentLiving #MentalHealth #Anxiety #PTSD #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #LGBTQIA #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Gettingthere

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My Face Says it all today..

I'm not feeling *that* bad, physically. A little weak/sore, and rather sleepy/tired. I don't have my #narcolepsy meds until tomorrow so I'll end up napping at some point... But I can move around and I did get some things done today.

I'm mostly frustrated because I can't drive. I need to get to the store, but my husband is away and even if I had a car, I can't drive because aside from being terrified, I'm not sure I could do it anyway.

There's already so many noises and other big sensory input being just a passenger, actually controlling the car would be too much, I'm sure. I never learned, originally because no one wanted to teach me. But every time someone has tried since, I've had a meltdown/panic attack and had to stop very shortly into the lesson.

Most of my friends live too far to come here and take me, either. I hate that I can't do some things others can do easily.

Usually I wouldn't change anything about my #Autism . Usually I'm fine with it. But certain things like this get to me, especially because they get in my way of being independent. I should be patting myself on the back for accomplishing so much housework in the last few days, but instead, I'm stuck chiding myself for not being able to drive.

#IndependentLiving #AutisticAdults #Autisticandanxious #Autisticmind


Being a Adult/ Grown up #MentalHealth #Autism #IndependentLiving

I guess being an grown up and mature is going to work or doing certain activity’s you don’t really want to do and cancel.
Planning what time to wake up and get dressed so your not late for the bus.
I guess am growing up and getting independent without even noticing it.
#Growingup #Independence #MentalHealth