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Growing Pains

Back in the day,

We used to play outside till dawn

Now, we're just another government pawn

Back in the day,

We used to live, laugh & grow

Now, we are forced to work our asses off bro

What is this shit? (mind my language)

Death is a trap to try and get us to submit?

As kids, we couldn't wait to be adults

Now, I reflect and I am like that was truly nuts!

The days when we could cry and be comforted

Childhood turned to adulthood and those days plummeted

Now, we're struggling to make ends meet, Who would have thought, childhood was only a treat

But it's life,

So put away that knife

It is what it is -

God is good, all is his

Better days are ahead

So, go and continue to chase that bread!

#Life #resilience #NeverGiveUp #Suicide #SuicideAwareness #Selfharm #selfharmawareness #strength #courage #bravery #Independence #freedom #freedomwriters #useyourwords #expression #expressyourself #creativity #Deep #deepthinkers #bold #Spirituality #Meditation #Spiritual #calm #Zen #gowiththeflow #liveinthepresent #loa #TheSecret #manifest #manifestation #Positivity #PositiveVibes #GoodVibes #vibes #Energy #YouCanDoIt #Believe #Hope #Care #Empathy #compassion

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Have you ever?

Have your ever felt like no one understands you?

Like you are alive but yet you feel like you are also dead

Have you ever tried to reach out or talk

But then, you are like 'nah, they won't get it'

Have you ever felt so anxious,

you masked it with ridiculously lame and 'weird' humour or sarcasm?

Just to make it look like you are super chill but you are really just nervous

Have you ever wanted to win a stranger's heart

By giving them random compliments or by trying to make them smile or laugh

Secretly thinking to yourself that this is exactly how you feel everyone should be and treat each other

Have you ever been so naive to ignore the bad in someone and focus solely on the positives and look at the good in everyone?

Have you ever been so foolish that you've tried to help and support or cheer up someone that has repeatedly hurt you and you know does not care about you and probably would not do the same in return? Yet, you do it anyways?

Have you ever just stared into space, zoned out and smile...

Imagining your perfect little dream world

Imagining Utopia

Have you ever been so naturally 'high' that people have assumed you drank or did drugs?

Have you ever felt happy inside but on the outside felt scared to express or show it because of well, so-called evil eye

Have you ever not believed in superstitions yet still been anxious and overthink your interactions due to them

Have you ever just been happy for no reason at all like a child

Have you ever... just spontaneously wrote a post like this without even thinking?

Impulsivity can be fun but it can be exhausting...

Humour can be fun but be tiring...

Good things come and go; it is okay to feel not okay and for bad times to also come, they also go.

Don't stop being you due to the bad moments or days

KEEP SMILING :) :) Your energy is contagious and is needed to make the world go round - YING YANG - hippie style

#modernhippie #hippiestyle #yingyang #loa #TheSecret #Energy #vibe #GoodVibes #smile #keepsmiling #haveyouever #justdoit #taketheinitiative #takerisks #risk #Risks #Impulsivity #spontaneous #bebold #bold #Brave #courage #strength #Independence #freedom #freedomwriters #resilience #Empathy #compassion #humanity #happyness #pursuitofhappyness #justlisten #listen #justobserve


Fall Risk

Well, this is a terrible introductory post, but hey, what can we do?

After a hard fall today highlighted issues with my ability to call for help, I need options. I fell in my kitchen, with my functional side of my body pinned under my non-functional side. My phone was on the charger, and the Alexa had too poor of an internet connection to call anyone.

Does anyone have ideas or suggestions for a fall detection system or device? I would prefer one that activated itself, and that called a selected contact instead of 911. I have relatively reliable internet, access to very reliable unlimited date, and a Samsung Android system.

If we can't figure out a good way to do this, I'm going to lose my ability to ever be alone, and I have already lost enough of my independence, I'd much rather not lose this, too.#functionalneuropathicdisorder #FND #PNES #BipolarDisorder #ChronicPain #Independence #fallrisk


Making my wife Independent

My wife has BPD and my approach to managing her condition is basically responding to her rants with empathy, and bringing some logic or reality to her paranoic thoughts, I also let her process her emotions by herself (if she starts panicking or crying I just tell her I’m there for her and that nothing is her fault , bring her some tissues or water and orbiting around her but not being in her room all the time) I give her tasks that she can do by herself and In general I would say that my objective is trying to make her “self - reliant”.

I’m a cold person and an introvert, I don’t react emotionally to her flares and I enjoy spending time by myself. I love her and when I feel there’s an opening to show her my love, I do.

I was wondering if this approach is appropriate for BPD loved ones? Or do BPD people need a more hands-on type of care?



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Feelings of envy and depression

For the last three weeks, I’ve been dealing with yet another work injury, but this time it’s upper body; entirely pulled my latisimis dorsi muscle. I’m so freaking done. I know that this is my life and I have to deal with the aspect that my body will not allow me to be as physically inclined as others are. I legit cannot afford a lower paying full time job as a cashier somewhere. I’m trying to move out (finally) with my boyfriend of almost 5 years and I’m no going to throw that away. I thought about getting disability, but then again I can’t because of the abundance of lawyers I’d need. It’s just every time something starts to go right in my life, something else comes back around to make everything worse again. My medical condition is the one thing keeping me back from destroying my depression. I envy those who can do whatever; I know I’m not as bad as some other people are limitation wise, but to me with what I wanna do is killing my youth. I feel like I have the body of a 50 year-old woman and the mental stability of…well.. I’m not too sure tbh. I just want help finding solutions and kind of plan out what I need to do in order to feel better. I feel like it’s getting harder to stay positive. #Anxiety #Depression #Independence #help #BodyPositive #Misery #Adulting


Living with A Body Effected by Cerebral Palsy

I guess this is more of a rant than anything else. The hardest thing for me to do right now is clean myself up after going to the restroom in a public bathroom. At home, it’s one, done, and gone. In public bathrooms, the arrangements are so varied from what I have at home that I get anxious and my spasticity kicks up a fuss, which makes me more anxious. Especially when I have a timeline or someplace to be. I pride my self on being independent, but sometimes I just want someone to be there to wipe my ass so I can get on with my day.

Anyone else experienced this?

#CerebralPalsy #Bathrooms
#time #Anxiety #Disability #Independence


Another lesson I've learned from disability part 2.

#Autism #Disability #InvisibleDisability #Dependence #Independence #Neurodiversity #selfadvocacy #Advocacy (slight repeat to maintain intelligibility) Being able to rest has led to some miraculous things, including an underlying peace of mind and satisfaction with my life I could never have imagined growing up, and that I'm told most people never find in their endless search for "more". (Now if I could just get back there for more than minutes at a time!! But that will come.) Being "dependent", has led me to develop a previously unimagined independence, and as I said, sense of well being, that the rest of my (supposedly nondisabled) family can only dream of! It's still pretty amazing to be compared favourably to my siblings! And it is because I never stopped fighting and striving, and demanding the support services I needed to make my life work out. (And the supportive community to support all this.) Until I needed a rest and a break from engaging with the world. And now, maybe, I'm willing to engage with it again. Maybe. Still debating that one.
Fighting all these invisible disabilities, while at the same time being obviously intelligent, and appearing to know what the hell I'm doing in and with the world has been hard, and will continue to be, especially as I get reacquainted with some of the ones that faded into the background for a while while I was essentially hibernating from involvement in the world, and which are now reemerging. But slowly, society is starting to "catch up" to the reality that diversity is a natural fact of life, and that invisible disabilities exist, and not all disabilities are visible, or even prexent consistently. Also, that, in reality, pretending that life doesn't thow everybody major challenges, at some point or another (or several), or that everybody has the same skills, abilities, and resources, hurts everybody.we need to recognize that life is hard for everybody. Being human is hard. Ignoring this basic fact makes everything even harder, for no good reason. It gives me hope that someday we'll end up with a more egalitarian society!!


Another lesson I've learned from disability part 1.

#Autism #InvisibleDisability #Disability #Advocacy #selfadvocacy #Dependence #Independence #Neurodiversity Just finished (I hope) writing the letter that will hopefully convince the government to fund my continued professional relationship with my psychologist/autism specialist. I'm pretty proud of it. I realized several times while writing it that there have been benefits to having no money/not being independant in that sense, and having to be part of "the system". It means I've gotten proficient at writing letters of this sort, and convincing organizations to provide me with the money to do stuff I otherwise wouldn't be able to. Whether it is for assistive technology (over and over again), an updated computer so I can do my term papers and email etc. or living expenses in extraordinary circumstances (i.e. when I was less than a full time student, even for a disabled student, but only had one class left to complete my degree, and so would've ordinarily "falien through the cracks" between student loans and social services). Or whether it was a scholarship, or conference attendence funding (the latter was never successful. The former sometimes was). I got a lot of practice, and a lot of support from people who were on my side, and wanted to help. (And those few experiences to the contrary!). Combined with all that practice writing term papers, and learning how to write convincing thesis statements, and craft an argument...
Not only has this all given me the ability to craft these letters, but it's given me the experience to see that being open about my needs, and my differences has been the best thing for me. Many people would tell me I need to be more independent, or that being "part of the system" is bad, and should be avoided, etc. And I should do as much for myself as I can, (or, more accurately, as they can!), but all hiding my difficulties and differences ever got me was a whole lot of heartache and pain and frustration. And probably no small amount of rage. Being open about who I am, and what my limitations are has opened a whole new world of opportunities for me. It has led to people stopping blaming me (as much) for my difficulties, and recognizing such things as disabilities, rather than as attitude, or deliberate obstructive behaviour on my part. It has led me to be able to explore my actual abilities once many of the burdens of my disabilities were removed.
Allowing myself to even have limitations, even if they are much different, and much greater than other people's has led to all sorts of possibilities I never would've discovered if I had been crushed under all those neurotypical and nondisabled expectations and demands!! It has even led to some abilities that others don't have! Being able to rest has led to some miraculous things, including an underlying peace of mind and satisfaction with my life I could never have imagined growing up, and that I'm told most people never find in their endless search for "more".


Is it safe for a 31 year old woman with BPD to move out of her parents’ house?

My family is codependent, they have mental issues and try to manipulate me to do their will, I have lived to please them and at times myself, also manipulating them. I’m done tolerating this vicious cycle. There’s only so much I can take. I have some money saved up, but have no clue as to how much I need to survive for a month- I have a super strict diet, need to pay therapists, psychiatrist and medication, and am fucking scared to move out and be responsible. #help #toxicfamily #Independence