I have been working at my job for 19 years in a very open corporate environment.
I am great at what I do and love it to the extent that I can really make a difference in people’s lives.
I also suffer from arthritis,bone on bone knees, Psoriatric arthritis, back arthitid and recently had a Total knee replacement.
Next week I start back to work.
I am having nightmares. I wanted to do so much in the 8 weeks off. For the=past three years all I could do was work. I could not leave for lunch as it would be too painful and a haunting so I eat at my desk in a loud chaotic environment. On the weekend I am in bed for 75% of the time to recover.
My coworkers know I am in pain, but I try to look happy, and excited all the time as they would be inclined to see any pain reflecting on my performance if I had a bad week.
The knee replacement was a success,
I did end up back in the hospital, as I became very inflamed from having to go off medication for my Psoriatic arthritis before and after surgery.
My time at home was somewhat painful, depressing at times but I look back now and long for it.
My husband took me to Physical Therapy 2-3 times a week and helped me adjust to a recovery spent in a recliner for a while. It was lovely to be cared for and I loved going to physical therapy as the staff was kind, caring and gentle.
I still suffer from supplfferfrom pain in so many places, but my knee that was replaced is the least of it.
The thought of going back to a grueling life of work, stress, high goals to maintain, a loofa and chaotic office, has mad me literally want to cry. Sure I could quit, but I am in HR and I see the effects of people not working . Insurance, retirement, financial security- those things matter and I am in mid-50’s and know I could not make the money anywhere else. I know how hard it is to start a new job and getting to know a new group of co workers. I also know there are a lot of companies that treat their employees poorly and I am afraid and to depressed to get involved in a situation like that.
Whoa is me. I am going to try to get out a bit today and enjoy the sun. But this heavy cloud over my head will not go away.