Hysterectomy recovery: I felt better and now cry everyday #TotalHysterectomy #Depression #Anxiety #PMDD #PTSD
I have finished my Partial Hospitalization Program and I’m now about to start my fourth week in my Day Program. I started the Day Program feeling so good but slowly, my mental health has degraded. This time, I do have my DBT skills to use and they do help, but I’ve started having panic attacks again and I’m crying for reasons my conscience mind doesn’t know.
The therapists at the Day Program said this is normal when you transition programs. Still, it sucks.
But this time, well, for the first time in my life, I’m not afraid of my emotions. I’m actually allowing myself to feel them, which is uncomfortable but I think I’m still grieving the loss of my ability of becoming pregnant. That frustrates me because I was never planning on having a child in this world, but these emotions are so strong and I can’t push them down like I have everything else.
Plus, I had an endoscopy last Thursday and learned that my stomach surgery (partial nissin) is still in tact but my gastroparesis is bad again. I think that might have set me off. I’ve been crying and laying in bed since Friday.
I wrote a poem to my future child. I’m afraid to show it to anyone because it involves my religious beliefs but it really helped me get out some of the grief. I haven’t written a poem since middle school and I’m not a poetry fan cause it can be so melodramatic, but I think I need to get back into again.
I didn’t think recovery would be this long and exhausting. But for once in my life, I feel like I can handle it. I’m so sad but not hopeless. #Hysterectomy #Anxiety #Depression #PMDD #PTSD #Grief #Gastroparesis