This is my first post, it’s a long one but I’m just going to vent my feelings...
For probably 2 years I have been feeling very depressed and anxious. I recently just was suspended from my college program from a low gpa. During the year I had really bad habits which resulted from my depression & anxiety. I worked a sh*tty job while attending college which I believe contributed to it. From my depression and anxiety I had poor sleeping habits because I stayed up late thinking negative things , & skipped classes from being too tired. I handed in assignments late because I couldn’t process my thoughts when I was feeling stressed. I often had poor coping mechanisms; distancing myself from my family, partying despite other priorities & spending too much money on unnecessary things.
Whenever I tried to talk with family about my depression they would describe me as being dramatic and calling me Immature. I finally quit the job I was working, but there was already a lot of damage to my academics. I decided to save up money prior to quitting so I could only focus on my school. My relatives which I lived with didn’t understand and were very upset that I did not want to continue working. They would verbally abuse me. I struggled a lot still in my academics and did seek assistance many times but somehow I just felt hopeless and it wore on me.
Fast forward to now, I studied in a big city and came to my small home city with my parents. I did not want to but my parents told me it would be a good thing to come back to them so I did. On top of failing, I am now faced with finding a job to do something with myself until I figure out what to do next. I feel very stressed as I am not getting a job. I should of known coming back to this city which is know with the highest unemployment rate that I would have difficulties finding a job. I am frustrated and keep looking, but my parents are also frustrated & yell at me thinking I’m not trying hard enough. I’ll get a job eventually but the question is how much longer will I have to feel hopeless with them not understanding the struggle??
I have had further talks with them regarding future steps towards education, but they discourage my thoughts and downplay my abilities. I feel hopeless towards my future. Not to make my family sound evil, they do want to see me happy and successful, but it’s almost like they’re standing in the way of what I want to do. My failures and faults are still holding them against me. I feel it is hard to prove myself as I’ll be abandon if I go against their wishes. I do not want to ruin my relationship with my family I just want them to understand me/my feelings better instead of belittling me.
Can anyone possibly relate or give me some guidance/words of wisdom ? I feel like I am going crazy.
#Anxiety #Depression #Familytroubles #Adviceplease #Hoplessness #lostinmyownlife #MentalHealthStigma