Hoplessness

Today I had to get firm with family members about the fact I don't want to talk about politics, religion or news. I feel like that may make me seem like I don't care what's going on in the world but it's making me feel utterly hopeless. I can't believe how much worse my mental health is since 2016. My husband is such a lovely guy but it's consuming him and makes him angry and bitter (not towards me) unfortunately I have to live with some of these other family members who have very opposing views and beliefs. I'm worn down and keep asking myself what's the point in living in a country like this. In a world like this. I just cannot take anymore. #Family #Politics #relgion #Hoplessness #SuicidalIdeation #Depression #Anxiety #PanicAttacks #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Insomnia #PTSD #Stress #familyissues

I think I have hit my limit. I’m exhausted in all fronts, I feel utterly and completely empty. I feel pretty broken inside. There feels like there’s no safe space, not even a place to hide. I wouldn’t mind if the ground swallowed me up at this moment. I’m just about at the point where I think that if I tell myself long enough to just give up on the hopes that I have, that maybe being numb to it all would make it all easier to deal with. Even though I shouldn’t, I just want to push everyone out so that I could just “be” for once. Every traumatic experience up to this point has came to the head of it all and I’m losing faith in people. I’m just really, really tired. #MentalHealth #Emptiness #Traumatized #Tiredofbeingtired #FeelingEmpty #feelingaloneandlost #Hoplessness #losinghopelosingstrength #deadinside

#anger #Rage #frustration #dispair #Depression #Hoplessness

I have a sickening amount of bitterness, frustration & anger in me. I have a darkness and rage inside of me that is completely psychopathic & dismal. i learned to harness hatred as a weapon when i was young & growing up i have used it to trick, manipulate, & provoke "wicked" people into situations where I could justify committing violence unto them. I started as child & brought this behavior into young adulthood & now, understandably, the consequences become more serious. However lately ive been inflicting harm unto myself by creating toxic and unhealthy situations in a sick effort to keep my rage a sharpened weapon. I tried therapy twice before & have recently returned because i think i deserve a fate better than suicide. The toxicity of MY COMMUNITY specifically continues to fuel the fire & sharpen the blade that is my pain & rage.

#Crisis #Hoplessness #Emergency #breakdown #Depression #Hosptial #Inpatient #Psychosis #psychosiscomesinmanyforms #Psychosis #PsychoticEpisodes #major depressive disorder with psychotic features #PsychoticDepression #Insomnia #isolationinchronicillness #Isolation #Disability #done #SuicideIdeation #Suicide #DoctorStrange #Doctors #Medsarentworking #MedsThatWork #Medication #ChronicPain Fibromyalgia #Dysphagia #Dysphagia #LaryngopharyngealReflux #PanicDisorder #PanicAttacks #Herniatedisc #CervicalDiscDegeneration #DegenerativeDiscDisease #Lumbar
#Thoracic #cervicalspinefusion #SpinalFusion #cervicogenic headaches #ChronicMigraineSyndrome #Migraine #chronic fatigue syndrome #Disability #Ataxia #balance #MemoryLoss #ADHD #PosttraumaticStressDisiroder #TraumaRecovery #chronicpainsufferer #ChronicIllnessStigma #ChronicIllnessEDS #Chronicpainstruggle #Nosupportsystem #nofamilysupport #helpneeded #HELPMEPLEASEGOD #GettingHelp #helpme

I feel like I’ve lost all hope in the world. I don’t know if I can really ever be loved ..... in a friendship or relationship..... I feel like everything goes bad eventually. I wonder if I’m just destined to be alone forever.

I’m 45 and live with Bipolar I. I’m single, can’t have children, and fear I’m destined to be homeless. I’m not eligible for disability benefits in my state, due to insufficient documentation. I’m currently my mother’s full-time caregiver, but the environment I’m in is toxic. My family and most friends have given up on me, as if I am a lost cause. I’ve considered cosmetology and/or nail technology, because I am a create type, but still wonder how I’ll even survive. Any stories of success in spite of this illness would be appreciated. Thank you!

#BipolarDisorder #Hoplessness #depressed

The center for rare illnesses will not diagnose me with eds, although I have all the symptoms except from over stretchy skin. I only get worse, it's so frustrating. I don't know what to do anymore! #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #frustration #Hoplessness

This is my first post, it’s a long one but I’m just going to vent my feelings...

For probably 2 years I have been feeling very depressed and anxious. I recently just was suspended from my college program from a low gpa. During the year I had really bad habits which resulted from my depression & anxiety. I worked a sh*tty job while attending college which I believe contributed to it. From my depression and anxiety I had poor sleeping habits because I stayed up late thinking negative things , & skipped classes from being too tired. I handed in assignments late because I couldn’t process my thoughts when I was feeling stressed. I often had poor coping mechanisms; distancing myself from my family, partying despite other priorities & spending too much money on unnecessary things.

Whenever I tried to talk with family about my depression they would describe me as being dramatic and calling me Immature. I finally quit the job I was working, but there was already a lot of damage to my academics. I decided to save up money prior to quitting so I could only focus on my school. My relatives which I lived with didn’t understand and were very upset that I did not want to continue working. They would verbally abuse me. I struggled a lot still in my academics and did seek assistance many times but somehow I just felt hopeless and it wore on me.

Fast forward to now, I studied in a big city and came to my small home city with my parents. I did not want to but my parents told me it would be a good thing to come back to them so I did. On top of failing, I am now faced with finding a job to do something with myself until I figure out what to do next. I feel very stressed as I am not getting a job. I should of known coming back to this city which is know with the highest unemployment rate that I would have difficulties finding a job. I am frustrated and keep looking, but my parents are also frustrated & yell at me thinking I’m not trying hard enough. I’ll get a job eventually but the question is how much longer will I have to feel hopeless with them not understanding the struggle??

I have had further talks with them regarding future steps towards education, but they discourage my thoughts and downplay my abilities. I feel hopeless towards my future. Not to make my family sound evil, they do want to see me happy and successful, but it’s almost like they’re standing in the way of what I want to do. My failures and faults are still holding them against me. I feel it is hard to prove myself as I’ll be abandon if I go against their wishes. I do not want to ruin my relationship with my family I just want them to understand me/my feelings better instead of belittling me.

Can anyone possibly relate or give me some guidance/words of wisdom ? I feel like I am going crazy.

#Anxiety #Depression #Familytroubles #Adviceplease #Hoplessness #lostinmyownlife #MentalHealthStigma