I finally had my neurology appointment. My fiancé drove me an hour and was with me in the room for my four hour appointment. We went to the nearest research hospital which specializes in MS. I knew I didn’t have MS, but I was desperate for an appointment somewhere.
I was interviewed by 4 doctors, and the last was the one whom I had emailed my medical PowerPoint to. She made me explain in length how I had come to be prescribed 25 different medications at age 27.
I explained that when I was 12, I was bullied for having curly hair. I tried telling this to my parents, but they didn’t believe me. Full of anxiety and hatred for my hair, I began pulling my hair out until I had a bald spot. My mom took us to the family doctor who referred me to a child psychiatrist. I was given antidepressants, which didn’t work, then mood stabilizers and antipsychotics. After this I was slapped with a bipolar diagnosis.
The neurologist explained that she believed my diagnosis was unfounded and that I may have social anxiety, but not bipolar, and needed to come off my meds. The antibodies, inflammation, and pain in my body that lead to my undiagnosed autoimmune mess was caused to a huge overprescribing of medication that I did not need and was treatment resistant to because I was not bipolar.
This was not the first time I had heard this. I often felt throughout my life that my existence was destroyed by being put in a psychiatrist’s office. However, I’m a bit conflicted because I know how hard going off medication is, and I have no idea who I am underneath the meds. I stopped being a person after my diagnosis; as a kid it hit me hard.
My fiancé texted me a while ago that drug induced lupus exists which would explain why I have #Lupus antibodies. Still, this is a bit weird to me. I do not want to be bipolar or be in that marginalized group. That’s for sure. I do not want my relationships and my grades to get hijacked by going off medication during midterms. But do I want to be cured? Hell yeah!
#Bipolar2Disorder #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #Mystery illness