Hi, my name is lostgirlfound0_. I'm here because I’ve felt with all kind of abuse growing up from family, & My Mother worst of all. I’m here to learn, how to handle & keep moving forward.
#Narcissticmother #NarcissisticAbuse
1 reaction I realised that due to me growing up with a narcissistic mother, I am always fearful of hurting other people's feelings in case that led to them leaving me. first it was friends, then guys I dated now my fiance.
it is my new year's resolution to love and respect myself more and not be so affected by other people's feelings and opinions but I still find myself biting my tongue whenever someone insulted the things I love or projecting their likes and dislikes onto me. I just joked with them and tell myself "you're not gonna do what they want anyway so just joke and avoid hurting their feelings. if you say anything then things just get awkward." also, I dont react quickly enough when someone does this. unless that person has done it a few times then I say something. even then I had to choose my words carefully not to upset them.
am I right in doing so? is this how social etiquette supposed to be? have my mother trained me in being a pushover/doormat? has anyone ever experienced the same thing? I just feel like I hate myself after the situation happened and then get upset over it after a week or so..
#Advice needed #Codependency #emotionaldependency #Narcissticmother
My mother never told me she loved me but she has told me she hates me #Narcissticmother #Narcissiticabuse #Anxiety #PTSD
I've learned about it recently. It's a form of PTSD for those who've dealt with narcissist abuse. My therapist believes my Mom's a narcissist & I agree with her. #postnarcissiststressdisorder #PTSD #Posttraumaticstress #Narcissticmother #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder
I haven’t been on in weeks I haven’t wrote on my blog in weeks until just now I’m lost I’ve said it all and I don’t know what else to say I’m in a deep dark black hole and I can’t see the light everyday it’s like learning who I’am for today this is my blog that my psychologist had me write if anyone want to read warning it may have triggers for some people
Psychological Abuse is one powerful abuse. The mind control that can happen leads to someone never discovering their true selves, and never living their the lives.
I was diagnosed with complex post traumatic stress disorder a few months. I had been working full time, attending school full time, and was beyond burnt out and exhausted. I felt like I couldn’t get anyone to understand just how stressed out and tired I was. I didn’t even know though. My mother has psychologically, emotionally, and verbally abused me for my whole like. When I think back to my first memories, I see them all so differently now. Her telling me I reminded her of her younger sister after telling me her younger sister was over weight. Her telling me that my brother called her mama, and I called her mommy, but she liked mama better. Her siblings and her called their own mother, my granny, by mommy.
She tortured me when it came to my relationship with my father. She would get mad at something and yell at my brother and I that we couldn’t see him. Then, after some time, calmly come to me and tell me it’d be a good idea to see your dad again, and that I should call him. I was her personal yo-yo.
The image damage, trust issues, anxiety, depression, and more are all there. I can see it in me now after discovering the truth about my life and learning about abuse and mental illness. I have accepted what she has done to me bc this explains me to myself. I have always carried an enormous amount of shame and guilt, have intense anxiety when trying new things/meeting new people, and difficultly trusting anyone. I never understood why I possessed these traits. I have lived a state away from my mother for almost a decade now, and have been working on myself, so that I can have a happy life and accomplish my goals. I would try and then, be knocked down again by one of my triggers, which I had been oblivious to. I kept hitting walls on my self-improvement and life path bc psychological abuse is invisible. If I can’t see anything wrong with me, and I’m able to do well in school and maintain a job, and have my own place, then, there can’t be anything wrong with me, right? That is definitely a HUGE NO.
Psychological Abuse does not ever leave any physical evidence behind. All the scares and bruises are internal. All the manifesting, anxiety, fears, etc. stay in your head. It’s incredulity easy to feel crazy and alone when this happens. I’m fortunate that I have always seen my future with happiness, and not feeling helpless like I did when I was a kid. I keep going and pushing through life bc I will not accept a life like my mother’s life.
The recovery process for this abuse has been challenging. I didn’t know how distorted my thoughts and beliefs had been. When I feel like I have made a breakthrough with connecting memories and feelings/emotions together, I realize that I only peeled back a layer or two. I tell myself this is progress though. This is the right direction to be going in.
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