..... in my head!
Now that I don't work Saturdays after working wknds for 2 yrs on top of my m-f job, my body is yelling at me to keep moving. I know I need to accept the fact that resting is okay but y'all, it's hard!
I'm stressing a bit due to finances being cut a lil but with my main job, I'll be okay within a couple of months. Finances is my biggest adult flaw. I'm sure it's yours as well. Growing up in a 1 man income, I saw the struggle & told myself I will not struggle. I will be comfortable in my finances.
Looking around at my apartment & all I see is a "mess" even though it's not THAT messy. I see art projects being piled up yet the motivation hasn't been there for a couple of months now. I see myself falling into a "lazy" phase yet again & I do not like it. Laundry needs to be folded after a few months in the basket. Dishes need to be done after a few days in the sink. How am I suppose to grow & heal if I'm not growing & just sitting? How am I suppose to heal if all I am is hard on myself? This journey is not easy, that's for sure.
It's the voices that are killing me. I know what I'm capable of doing... or am I? I'm always getting inside my head. Negative self talk. Sabotaging the positive. Gaslighting myself. Feeling guilty. All of those harsh demons..
How does one get out of this rut? I'm done being so "down" on myself. I want change. I need change. Consistency is key, I know but some days it lacks hardcore. That's yet another flaw of mine. I'll start & then slack weeks later.
Aye! Does any of this even make sense? I don't even know anymore. This has been on my mind this wknd. Had to share to calm the nerves.