mental illness stigma

I have been fighting for disability for over five years. *This* time, this case, has been going since 2019 . Years of AGONIZING emotional and physical pain, turmoil, distress. I cannot work. I can barely function. My body is degenerating. My spine is literally crumbling. I have had surgery after surgery after surgery. Some successful, some awful. I. Am suffering. My mental state has become nothing short of a basket case. I live with some days uncontrollable anxiety, depression, trauma, PTSD, ocd, chronic pain, arthritis, scoliosis, debilitating pain… I’ve been fighting. SO long. I’ve been fighting SO hard.

I have lawyers. Granted, I’ve been doing more work than them to see through this disability case. To ensure the state has all the paperwork they need. To call and make sure the state has been updated. I am SO burnt out with medical fatigue. It literally never ends. My life has become something of a disassociated Truman Show of physical therapy, emotional therapy, surgeries, and pain management. I have been audited by the state and by the feds- YES the feds. My case has been with QA- quality assurance, for MONTHS. They had to make sure I’m actually sick, because you know, to them I’m clearly not.

I am SO TIRED. My mind, body, and soul. I found out today, after YEARS of fighting and being sliced open and poked and probed- which isn’t going to end anytime soon- that I was DENIED. I was fucking denied.

Dare I say it’s because of my age, my education level? There’s no doubt in my mind. Because last time I applied for disability, my case manager literally dropped my case because of those reasons. I understand I’m young, 29F, I understand I worked my ass off and obtained my Bachelors. I was disabled then. I am disabled now. I have proof. I have paper trails.

My spine is crumbling beneath me. My mental state is getting worse everyday. And I can’t take it anymore. I’m truly hoping these lawyers pull their weight and work their asses off with appealing my case. I don’t know how much fight I have left. Im just numb right now. Always invisible. Thanks for the broken system, America. You continue to disappoint me. I’m trying to be grateful. I’m trying to practice mindfulness, but honestly, I’m losing hope.

When traumatic events happen in our lives, we are put into fight, flight or freeze mode. This is a built-in survival mechanism that allows us to endure circumstances that are not normal. It may be a sudden loss, an accident or tragedy, or an assault or attack of some kind. Whatever it may be, most humans are guaranteed to experience some form of trauma in their lives, often very early. Because of the fight, flight or freeze mechanism, our mind checks out as a means of protecting itself. As our lives move forward and we begin to experience situations that trigger memories of the trauma, PTSD emerges weeks, months or years later. It’s not an illness that anyone gave us at birth and we didn’t contract it. PTSD occurs due to our direct experiences with abnormal circumstances and is therefore an injury, and should be treated as such. Other conditions that have long been labeled as mental illnesses, like borderline personality disorder and dissociative identity disorder, are being found more and more to have direct links to traumatic events.

My question to The Mighty community and the world is this. At what point do we stop treating people who aren’t terminally sick as if they are, and begin making the world around us a safer place that causes less trauma from the start? #PTSD #CPTSD #Injury #MentalIllnessStigma #Trauma

Over the last 7 months, I have lost about 40lbs unintentionally. I am still overweight (about 30 on the seriously antiquated BMI chart). I also have a lot of other symptoms including swollen axillary lymph nodes. Four months ago, my doctor authorized an ultrasound and a biopsy was done. It returned results of no cancer or lymphoma. Since then, I saw a gastroenterologist who put me on a low FODMAP diet for IBS, refusing my request for a colonoscopy because I had a clear one 6 years ago. I said that I have new symptoms, but he wasn't convinced my problem isn't anxiety/food-induced IBS - mixed c/d. I did the diet with very little change in symptoms. At my follow up, I asked for a colonoscopy, and he gave me excuses why I am fine. I asked about the weight loss and he said, "Well, at 168, your BMI is still..." and then I cut him off. I said I didn't want to hear any talk about my BMI. I am losing weight unintentionally and fairly quickly. The fact that I am overweight is irrelevant. I yelled at him until he said he'd order a colonoscopy/endoscopy. Luckily, a different doctor will be performing it. My primary also doesn't seem to care that I am losing weight. She refuses to refer me to rheumatology because my "bloodwork is fine," even though I have symptoms of a possible autoimmune disorder. My therapist even called my PCP and asked her to refer me, but she won't until the GI is done with what he's doing. I am having symptoms unrelated to GI and there are waitlists for most providers who accept my insurance. I don't understand why I have to wait when my insurance doesn't require it and I am suffering. I've spent the last 18 months trying to get care for my pain and symptoms. It took me 6 months and changing providers to get a referral to ortho and neuro because all my symptoms were blamed on anxiety. I am still being held back because I have mental illnesses and am overweight. I'm tired of all the stigma and bigotries in medicine.

This article was not written by me..I own nothing about it but It spoke to me so much and I agree with it 100 percent that I had to share it!!!!

#BipolarTypeII #BipolarDepression #Anxiety #MentalIllnessStigma #EndTheStigma

Pro tip when a chronically ill or mentally ill person tells you "see you tomorrow" do not respond with "hopefully so" because that just makes it feel like I'm a terrible horrible person but I live with those thoughts all the time and I don't need those from the outside thank you

I passed the test to get certified as a peer support worker (CPSW) in February, and I’ve been having trouble finding employment. I’ve been on disability for the past ten years. My symptoms, such as dissociation, make working in several environments very difficult. Such as fast food, retail, and call centers. For the past six years I’ve volunteered doing peer support. Recently a position came open for a paid peer specialist where I volunteer, and I applied. My goal in volunteering wasn’t to get a job in the field initially, but as I’ve gotten more stable, it became a goal. My supervisor encouraged me to apply. A couple of other volunteers had gotten paid positions, though they are not working there anymore. So I thought I had a good chance.

But the job offered this time was full time, which would be a big jump from being on disability and only volunteering a few hours a week. And then my supervisor left for a job elsewhere. The interim supervisor told me he saw my application, and that it had been a long time since I worked. That’s why I didn’t get an interview, and he said they’d made an offer to someone else.

I felt down after getting that news, but I thought maybe I could try to get a job in the community not necessarily involving peer support. I had taken several classes at the community college in the medical coding program. But when I spoke to an academic adviser, I found out that vocational courses expire after ten years, so all the classes I’d taken had expired.

Depression is not my diagnosis and not something I usually deal with. I mostly experience anxiety and anger. But I do feel depressed about the job situation. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping the last few nights. Last night I felt bad enough to call the crisis line, though I wasn’t really in crisis. The counselor listened to me, and then helped me focus on what would help me get back to sleep: having my two cats near me in bed, trying a different sleeping position. It didn’t really work.

I don’t really need to work. I know I’m lucky to be on Social Security Disability. I know people who have tried several times to get on it but were denied. I have enough money to pay rent and bills, plus some spending money. I think this situation is triggering other issues for me like #MentalIllnessStigma . The way society looks at someone who says they can’t work when they “look like” there’s nothing wrong. #InvisibleDisability