numb

"Here's to being human
All the pain and suffering
There's beauty in the bleeding
At least you feel something"
-Three Days Grace

While I know I'm human, there are times I feel more like a machine; heartless.

Sometimes, when people yell and scream at me, I don't cry, I don't flinch, I don't care. I let them tell me how pathetic I am, how useless I am, while I stare at them blankly.

My "best friend" has been living with me for a while now, physically I'm fine, but everything mentally? Its in ruins.

She says "talk to me," so I do. Then she uses it against me or tells other people, people I don't know, people I don't trust. When she's upset, I'm try to be there, but she pushes me away, turning to everyone else except me.

I wonder if I can even feel things properly. My physical pain tolerance is high, according to my family, and so is my mental tolerance.

I have been used, played with, judged, and put down so many times, my feelings always being put third or fourth, almost never second.

I love my boyfriend, who puts me first, but I'm scared I'm more machine then human.

How do I open up when my box has no doors or windows?

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Music #numb #Writing

I got into my first car accident Friday morning. The person ran into my vehicle, It all happened so fast. Thank goodness no one was hurt. My car is severely damaged. I have no way to get to work, grocery shop or getting to my doctor's appointments. Quite frankly I could use the break, but I really miss having my own car and being independent.

My family is trying to convince me that the accident wasn't my fault and that the car is replaceable. They have repeatedly expressed how grateful they are that I am alive. A small part of me is a little relieved to hear them say this, but their words aren't touching my heart the way it should I'm afraid.

The incident has thrown me into depression and bouts of anxiety. I'm restless and embarrassed, sorry and disappointed and feeling guilty for some reason. I don't want to sleep or dream about the accident. I just want to be by myself to process what happened. I also feel like I can't do anything right. I should've been more careful that day. I'm also very very numb, I mean I feel like I should be hysterical or something given the circumstances right? I've had no urge to shed tears and that bothers me.

I never have the correct emotions or feelings for what goes on in my life. Depression has made me very numb over the years, it's like a callous has grown over my heart. All I feel is the symptoms that my bipolar disorder gives me, the anger, the paranoia, the anxiety, the depression and more.

I never feel right or comfortable. The accident keeps replaying in my mind over and over again, I can't help it. I'm not sure if this is trauma or something but I know it will take time to recover from this terrible ordeal. #Bipolar1 #Anxiety #Trauma #Depression #numb

Hey guys! im like brand new and i wanna get to understand and know about some of yalls stories, only if youre open to share!

#Suicide #Selfharm #PTSD #lovesick #MentallyDrained #numb #Trauma

I’m exhausted, my mind feels broken,
I feel nothing and everything at once,
Everything is shutting down,
I’m alone, and my life is draining away…

I guess lately I’ve had feelings like that feeling a little numb or empty I’m trying to be present and mindful I also feel a little scared about losing my family or parents like I would survive emotionally without them even though really I just want them to have a long life. #lonely #sad #random #numb #empty

Hi all,

I am starting to take better care of myself one step at a time which I am proud of but I have constant physical symptoms of anxiety and feeling angry and like crying but I am not sure how to release these emotions, get to the root of them or to manage them more effectively. #Anxiety #Depression #feelingangry #frustration #Heartbroken #numb

I find myself fantasizing about the best way to go, I want to give up, but I’m not a quitter

I’m depressed but I do have happy days

I’m lonely but I love my 3 best friends, they love me too?

I’m heartbroken, but my boyfriend says he loves me.

I’m burnt out, but I love my job.

I’m anxious, I’m functioning perfectly

Im overwhelmed but I can take a little bit more

Most days I can’t sleep, but I did have a perfect night yesterday.
I’m grieving, but that was over5 years ago

I’m an alcoholic, but I can go days or months without thinking about it.

I’m strong but today I’m breaking down

I should be grateful, they say, it will all go away.

#conflicting thoughts, #numb , #alone ?

I have always been too scared to share the details of my life. I have been scared of rejections, rebellion, and even of myself. I am scared that I will not be able to handle the things that I hold in. I am scared for the pain to get worst. I am scared for the pain to disappear. This pain makes me who I am. It makes me sad, depressed, and anxious. But, it also makes me strong, resilient, and motived. There is a piece of me that does not want to let that go. But, I need to in order to continuing living life. I can no longer keep living an unhappy life with anxiety, distrust, and anger. I want to be happy. I shouldn’t have to stay up late nights crying. Movies shouldn’t trigger me. I shouldn’t be triggered by things that so called normal people find entertaining. I should be happy during holidays and birthdays. But instead, I party and numb all the pain with drugs and alcohol. I go through life wishing I felt nothing. I do not want to die, but I wish to felt nothing at all. This isn’t how life should be. I want to feel. I am scared because I do not know how it feels to feel. And if everything gets better, will I be better? Will I ever be truly happy after disclosing my truth?

I don't understand why I am so desperately unhappy. I just got married. We just bought a house together. I've just been away for a few nights on holiday with my family (who I actually like spending time with) This should be the happiest time in my life. But here I am. Balling my eyes out. It feels like I'm never going to experience things like a normal person. It feels like this is it. This is how I will go through life. Either feeling completely #numb or painfully sad. This "sadness" cuts deeper than I know how to explain. It is to my core. I don't know what I need. I don't know what will make me happy. Not even happy, just... content. I've seen psychologists, I'm on antidepressants. I have an amazing support system. Nothing seems to help. Just feel like I'm a lost cause at this point. #Depression