numb

I’m exhausted, my mind feels broken,
I feel nothing and everything at once,
Everything is shutting down,
I’m alone, and my life is draining away…

I guess lately I’ve had feelings like that feeling a little numb or empty I’m trying to be present and mindful I also feel a little scared about losing my family or parents like I would survive emotionally without them even though really I just want them to have a long life. #lonely #sad #random #numb #empty

Hi all,

I am starting to take better care of myself one step at a time which I am proud of but I have constant physical symptoms of anxiety and feeling angry and like crying but I am not sure how to release these emotions, get to the root of them or to manage them more effectively. #Anxiety #Depression #feelingangry #frustration #Heartbroken #numb

I find myself fantasizing about the best way to go, I want to give up, but I’m not a quitter

I’m depressed but I do have happy days

I’m lonely but I love my 3 best friends, they love me too?

I’m heartbroken, but my boyfriend says he loves me.

I’m burnt out, but I love my job.

I’m anxious, I’m functioning perfectly

Im overwhelmed but I can take a little bit more

Most days I can’t sleep, but I did have a perfect night yesterday.
I’m grieving, but that was over5 years ago

I’m an alcoholic, but I can go days or months without thinking about it.

I’m strong but today I’m breaking down

I should be grateful, they say, it will all go away.

#conflicting thoughts, #numb , #alone ?

I have always been too scared to share the details of my life. I have been scared of rejections, rebellion, and even of myself. I am scared that I will not be able to handle the things that I hold in. I am scared for the pain to get worst. I am scared for the pain to disappear. This pain makes me who I am. It makes me sad, depressed, and anxious. But, it also makes me strong, resilient, and motived. There is a piece of me that does not want to let that go. But, I need to in order to continuing living life. I can no longer keep living an unhappy life with anxiety, distrust, and anger. I want to be happy. I shouldn’t have to stay up late nights crying. Movies shouldn’t trigger me. I shouldn’t be triggered by things that so called normal people find entertaining. I should be happy during holidays and birthdays. But instead, I party and numb all the pain with drugs and alcohol. I go through life wishing I felt nothing. I do not want to die, but I wish to felt nothing at all. This isn’t how life should be. I want to feel. I am scared because I do not know how it feels to feel. And if everything gets better, will I be better? Will I ever be truly happy after disclosing my truth?

I don't understand why I am so desperately unhappy. I just got married. We just bought a house together. I've just been away for a few nights on holiday with my family (who I actually like spending time with) This should be the happiest time in my life. But here I am. Balling my eyes out. It feels like I'm never going to experience things like a normal person. It feels like this is it. This is how I will go through life. Either feeling completely #numb or painfully sad. This "sadness" cuts deeper than I know how to explain. It is to my core. I don't know what I need. I don't know what will make me happy. Not even happy, just... content. I've seen psychologists, I'm on antidepressants. I have an amazing support system. Nothing seems to help. Just feel like I'm a lost cause at this point. #Depression

I just read this article on The Might, that I found googling "mental health care for Moms", . I'm trying to not cry at work. This is me. I need this, I know it would change my life. It's not my 5 beautiful kiddos at home that is stopping me, because as the article mentioned...it was this or death...I really need to do something soon. Unfortunately, our family is barely holding it together financially. I couldn't afford this, I don't have health insurance either. Also, unfortunately, because of the mental state I am, I am not making the best decisions because I am just numb all the time. The ONLY thing keeping me going is my kids. I dream of being able to get away to an inpatient rehab for my mental health, and finally get the help I've needed since I was born. The thing is, I won't do it on my own. I just wont. I wish someone would force me to do it. I feel like a lot Moms are the same way. We need a mental health judge to say TIME OUT. I am court ordering you to do this but also providing a way for it to happen because forcing us and not giving us a way to do it successfuly wont help either. Anyways. I'm struggling. I want to enjoy life. I seriously have the best kids in the world. I want to see them grow up and live their beautiful lives.

Also, if one more person tells me I am strong and will get through this, I am going to lose it. I am NOT strong...but I want to be.

#numb

#MajorDepressiveDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #sad #numb #CheckInWithMe

I don't know why but for at least the last 3-4 days I feel like I'm sinking. Like I'm barely keeping my head above water. I started noticing that I'm avoiding people and socialization in general, I'm isolating which always is a red flag when it comes to my mental health. I'm not having suicidal ideation. I'm just really depressed and I don't know why. I need to figure out a way out of this funk, but at the same time I feel like I deserve to be unhappy. I'm taking my meds as directed. Getting out of bed is hard, eating meals is hard, I feel like I'm forcing myself to do everything.

It's hard when you are numb. I don't feel. I have physical reactions that I think should be attached to feelings but they aren't. I think that from what I have observed from people. I only ever feel extremes. I can feel intense anger or intense joy (has rarely happened), but that's it. So, in days like today, when I find myself crying and in pain, but I cannot attach that to anything, I don't know how to help myself.
Am I the only one?
I know I have been feeling vulnerable the past few weeks, I know this because I rarely cry and when I want to it's hard to make myself cry. But this past week I have found myself quick to cry and randomly as well. If I let myself cry, I feel pain. Well, not feel it. It's hard to explain. My head feels tormented, like these dark clouds roll in and all there is is darkness. And then something strange happens. I feel uncomfortable, so much so I just want to scream and tear at my skin.
I know that I'm in pain, my soul is in pain. I don't know how to explain, I just know it as a fundamental truth. But, am I sad? I cannot tell. I am neutral. Am I joyful? I would say not. Am I scared or angry or irritated or hopeful or what? None of those. I don't think so. I don't feel anything. I am just neutral.

#numb #Vulnerable #Depression #CPTSD #ChildhoodTraumaSurvivors