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    This is torture | TW anger, dysphoria, some all cap text, fleas, empty inside #venting

    Not like anyone cares, why am I writing this??
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    Every time someone who I’m not that familiar with comes here, it’s torture. I have to stay in my room all day or else I try too hard to pass as masculine every freaking time I come out of my room, just so I won’t be called “she” or “miss” or “girl” (it’s a horrible feeling). But now I feel like I’m STILL not passing because I’m already feeling so horrible because of the flea problem that I APPARENTLY SEEM TO BE THE ONLY ONE TO HAVE IN MY ROOM AND NO ONE ELSE’S and now I lack the energy because I’m so furious. We can’t afford a veterinarian for our cat, either.

    And the whole someone coming over and fixing things is supposed to happen for the next 2 days as well.
    So that’s fun. (/sarc /neg)
    And I already feel empty inside just from today.

    And it’s going to be up to 74 degrees the days after that, which usually I would be excited for, but honestly the whole bug thing has gotten me so sick and tired of these nice days that I just want it to be cold already! (Not like it will kill the fleas anyway, I’m so freaking mad about learning that 😡😡)

    #sad #Autism #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #GenderDysphoria #anger #empty #fml

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    Feeling like you aren't worth it.

    Sometimes I feel as though I'm just a pawn in a game. And the game is life. But I'm one of those game pieces that nobody ever uses and eventually gets lost, and never found or remembered. I feel as though if I left this world, nobody would care or think of me when I was gone. The universe seems so fake, and so do the people and things in it. Everything seems so unrealistic it's unreal. I have an invisible hole in the middle of my stomach that I can constantly feel. Some days I can barely feel it and I forget about it, other days I can feel it so badly that it physically hurts.

    Know that you are important. It is so hard to believe and I feel like a hypocrite for even saying this because I can't even take my own advice. It's weird trust me, but I feel as though everyone in this world has a purpose except for myself. It makes absolutely no sense I know. I can't even explain it. But I think that everybody who hasn't experienced it yet needs to wait a little longer. I know that waiting sucks ass. I know that you want your chance to come now to really figure out who you are, and what you are here to do, but from what I've learned; waiting is the key to life. But don't think waiting is the only key. There's a whole ring of keys left. You just need to find them and hopefully, they will help you along the way. I haven't found my keys yet. I hope you find yours. #Depression #empty #youareworthit

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    life.

    I wish that my bed, my pillows, and my dog could talk. they would be the only friends I needed. I'm tired of going into the outside world and getting disappointed when I could just lay in my bed all day sleeping with my dog. #tiredofliving #feeldepressed #empty

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    How to stop dissociating / staring at nothing for hours, unmoving?

    In the last few days I've skipped over chunks of time, doing nothing. And I don't mean the 'doing nothing' where you're scrolling social media or re-watching a comfort tv show. I mean sitting, staring at the wall, not seeing the wall, not really knowing what you do see, but all of a sudden you decide to check the time and 2 hours have passed. You're not even sure if you were blinking. You don't know where you went. You don't feel... anything. Your arms aren't even there. You're looking at them, but they don't belong to you. YoUr arms don't look like that. Soon someone will notice your absence. You'd better move. Move. MovE. MOVE! ...And you're awake again.

    What is this?
    How can I fix it?

    #Depression #Dissociating #numb #empty #PTSD #losingtime

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    Apathy Won Last Week, But Next Week…?

    Yeah, so… oops! A week went by without much progress. I don’t even know why. All of the things I wanted to get done, it just… didn’t happen. When I realized I had been duped by apathy again I wanted to stick my tongue out at it in defiance. Then after I took my photo for this post and looked at it, I realized it was more like apathy was sticking it’s tongue out at me instead, from my own face. Ha. Joke’s on me.
    This struggle is real.
    I have a new week to try to push through it. Days are getting shorter so I have been faithful with my therapy lamp every morning for 30 minutes. I have my Mooji meditation to hold anxiety at bay. I’m eating well but still don’t get out to walk. It has been overcast for days, too, with actual rain today, but that shouldn’t stop me. But it does.
    This group is growing. That’s encouraging. Share your struggles with apathy. Giving voice to them is powerful. 🌻
    #apathy #ChronicDepression #Depression #DepressionSymptoms #DepressionNaps #MajorDepression #SeasonalDepression #Anxiety #Fibromyalgia #Lazy #nope #empty #Emptiness

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    Why #Depression #sadthoughts #Suicide #SuicideAttempt #empty

    So, I found this site and I figured I might as well put some of my reasons for being here down. I've made two major attempts and my parents have been telling me to get over it myself. The second attempt was bad enough they called an ambulance and had to take me to a local hospital, everyone took the half-asses answer I gave and never questioned it. I said I was stressed, the truth?

    I'm not even sure any more. I can't help but feel empty and no matter how hard I try, when I get angry, it always turns inward. I did something wrong, I said something, I should just stop talking. It always leads to the same thought, 'I should just stop breathing' I'm too much of a burden and whenever I try to tell someone (namely my mom) she tells me it's just teenage angst. That it's all in my head and that I need to just get over it.

    Every time I finally lash out and lose my temper, I get a punishment from my step-dad or blame and anger from my mom. Not to mention my little sister isn't much younger than me and she gets so judgemental so when I cry in front of her, she gets mad at me. They don't realize how much they hurt me and I can never manage to tell them because I want them to think I'm ok. I don't want to be more of a burden to them. Even as I type this, I hear a voice telling me that everyone here has gone through so much more than me and need way more help than I do. I'm just being attention needy.

    Both my parents don't think I need any help even though my mom takes medication for her issues like her bipolar and her thoughts. I don't understand them but I can't help but love them, no matter what they've done to me.

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    Insomnia

    I can’t sleep cuz I’m not prepared for tomorrow. Last month was HORRIBLE. I’m terrified. I want this to be over.
    #sad #BPD #struggle #empty

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    Out of place

    I wake up every morning with the fear of losing control or having a crisis where I work. I have the constant feeling to burst into tears. No one would understand me, I would be the weirdo in their eyes. I want to find a safe place, where they hug me and make me feel loved and understood. #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #empty #sad

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    I feel empty

    I feel so empty and lonely. Idk why. I just wish I was dead most of the time now. As much as you guys try and help me, I feel that you don’t care and just want to look good. That may not be true but idk that. #empty