obsessing

Let me start off by saying happy 4th of July!
Now can someone help me with this dose any one besides me obsessing over the world coming to an end? As far back as I can remember I have Bern deathly afraid of the world coming to an end and today it's bad really bad I'm not sure if that is part of #BPD or not? Can anyone relate? Thanks remember stay safe #BPD #personality #obsessing #RacingThoughts

I‘m 26 now and still #single. I‘ve never been in a #relationship . Sometimes I wonder what‘s wrong with me. Then it hits me: I‘m just crazy, that‘s why. I was in love #Love with somebody when I was 15 but got #rejected. It took me over 2 years to get over that. I‘m not even sure if it was him I couldn‘t get over or the fact that I‘ve been rejected.

My #Depression and #Anxiety always kept me from trusting people to the fullest. Of course there were also other things that contributed to my #trustissues with past friends. But before that I already couldn‘t and didn‘t want to open up that much. I had the feeling I was always just scraching on the surface. I didn‘t and still don’t like talking that much about my feelings.

Plus I hate being touched. I don‘t really like hugs or being touched, be it accidentally or on purpose. When someone touches my arm or shoulder even just for a moment, my skin tickles and it doesn‘t feel good. Most of the time I flinch. I wonder if people don‘t notice or just don‘t care. Maybe I‘ve become very good at hiding.

Thanks to my #Medication I can now hug at least the people I love and it doesn‘t feel that bad. Sometimes it‘s even pretty good. I think I‘m getting there, step by step. But still I don‘t think I‘ll ever be truely comfortable with touching people. Of course this is also the reason I‘m still a virgin. Sometimes I‘d love to have sex but I don‘t want to be touched or touch someone else. I don‘t even know someone I‘d like to sleep with, most of the time.

Then sometimes I‘m #obsessing over people I don‘t really know. Movie stars from different countries I‘ll probably never meet, the good looking neighbor next door that doesn’t even look at me twice. I fantasize about being in a relationship with them. Sometimes I can‘t even sleep because my thoughts just won‘t shut up, even though I know this isn‘t real and certainly unhealthy.

Can anybody relate to that? How are you making relationships work when you don‘t like being touched or opening up? This is a mystery I couldn‘t solve yet. Now I‘m not even sure if I could even love someone again. How do you do that?

I’d like to focus on work rather than obsess about my health. I’ll wake up thinking what have I got to do today rather than scan my body to see where the pain is, ask myself how did I sleep etc. I NEED to be less self absorbed
##obsessing .
#52SmallThingsand ##focus on living ##self absorbed