Panic Attack

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    Still exhausted from my mental health episode

    I get response to my posts so I like to post. Hello everyone I hope people who might see this are having a good day.

    The last few days I have been dealing with the mental and physical repercussions of a thing that I, and many people who responded to my posts, think was a PTSD flashback. It was extremely stressful and I am amazed by how deeply it has affected my mind and body still.

    It was very weird and almost like a sort of spiritual experience. As I start feeling a bit better I am sporadically filled with shame for being weak and vulnerable. My head hurts and my thoughts still are not clear nor sharp. When I think to what happened I know that it was not a panic attack or some kind of average anxiety response. Unfortunately I know for a fact that something bad happened to me the other day.

    As I can sit and think about it without nearly as much anxiety now, I see it for what it was. I reacted to what most would consider nothing and I am not sure why it triggered this response in me. It hurt so bad and I know that my body exploded into some kind of primal response as my head still throbs from it almost 3 days later. I wish my body werent still feeling so frail as I would love nothing more than to forget it ever happened.

    I can't just pretend it didnt happen, though. It felt like I was dying and I wanted to sprint out of my skin. Not only that but I felt like I was in a previous time and place from the present. This is how I know it was not only a panic attack besides the severity. It felt like my fear and emotions transcended time itself, reaching deep into my past. I realized that this event I experienced was like a carbon copy of emotions I had felt previously, and this is not my experience with mere panic attacks.

    I feel guilt for myself for not somehow being stronger and shame about imploding over something that was not even true. I'm not sure why I reacted the way I did and I think the person who accidentally caused it had good intentions, actually. They honestly did nothing wrong but my mind latched onto some stimulus that the other person had no true part in. I was simply surprised is all, totally surprised. It may be that my trauma is connected to a series of shocking surprises that have happened over the course of my life. Things that irreparably damaged my life but without damaging my body, which most people with deep trauma seem to have experienced.

    At this point I'm not totally sure how everything hung together to cause it but I am absolutely certain that it hurt my body and mind. I am laying in my bed, eyes tired and skull throbbing like I have exerted myself all day, but I have not even left my home yet. Today was the first day that I really got time to study my coursework hard since my flashback. I am grateful to catch up on things but surprised by my exhaustion. Usually I am inexhaustible in this way but not right now, that's for sure.

    As I slowly recover I feel different about my mental health than I have before. It's like I can't ignore it as I have done over and over in my life. Today I contacted the counseling center through my university to schedule an appointment and I am proud of myself for doing so. I feel like I was able to see myself from the outside in a strange way, but also from the inside too. I realized how alone I really am and that during, then shortly after, my flashback I was extremely vulnerable. While I have had to fend for myself in stressful situations in the past, this time was different.

    I am not really sure why it felt so different. It could be because I am almost 10 hours from my past support network now. Or maybe it's because I am not wrapped in the warm caccoon of denial and dissociation which oddly protected me all my life before. I realized that no one was there to hold me or to tell me it would be better. I didnt pick up the phone to call family because it wouldnt have helped as my mind has begun to pull away from them. In the end I realized that if I had gone truly mad or tried to hurt myself it would have been me and sheer luck that could have saved my life.

    I had never felt so alone before and I had to call a crisis line. It seemed like the nice man on the line could feel my despair and how alone I felt. I told him how I was sad that I was not turning over a new leaf here in another state. How my mental health was not improving and how I was beginning to isolate like in my previous city. I was and still am disappointed that things didn't just get better here, even if things never get better for no reason. It seemed almost like things were improving but I was simply shifting around in my emotional armor. The reality was that my mind was poised to take a dive and that I was lucky it dove in my own home.

    I have to make a better effort to connect with people as failing to do so could be my undoing. At this point I am a professional at seeming strong while being oddly weak, and I suppose that I'm tired of it. Each moment I dont build a new social network is another moment that could lead to another unassisted flashback. What might happen next time? Can I really survive doing this over and over by myself? After all, I didn't even know the last one was coming and then it was here, spilling over me like a sudden rain. Maybe I can do it alone again, but maybe I can't.

    Hopefully I can get through this and find some better situation for my mind. I don't like being so vulnerable. It's weird for me to accept and say this as I'm not that much different than I was in my home state. I guess that I was not in a place mentally to imagine being somewhere better. It was just how I was and how I imagined I would always be. Now I can really feel the gap between where I am now and where I want to be. I want to heal and not go through what I just did, even if it means having people be there for me and nothing else different. I'm so tired of having this chronic distance between myself and others, but it is simply how I have always been.

    Have a good night.

    #PTSD #Trauma #MentalHealth

    2 people are talking about this
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    Community Voices

    Well idk from where 2 start but from probably 4 years I'm going through depression (probably I'm not diagnosed yet) and a lot panic attacks nearly everyday. In the last 2 years it was less like it happened only twice but since i lost all my friends and became lonely again it occurred everyday again and my parents noticed it so I went 2 a doctor 2 check if it's nothing clinical and I'll probably see a therapist 2 check and I'm really nervous about it (I'm still in school btw) I Rlly wanted a friend 2 talk about this but I don't have 1 so I'm looking online #Depression #Anxiety #PanicAttack #suicidal #EatingDisorders

    3 people are talking about this
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    Anxiety Attack

    All I did was go to the pharmacy and wait in a tiny, crowded waiting area. Then BAM! The room started spinning, I became lightheaded, my heart started racing, I couldn’t breathe and “GET ME OUT OF HERE I’M IN HELL!!!”😖 This is why I am on heavy duty anxiety meds.
    #Anxiety #PTSD #PanicAttack #AnxietyAttack

    7 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Helpful Things to Say to Your Loved One With Mental Illness

    When I had my first panic attack in my 20s, I truly thought I’d take some medication, get some therapy and be cured.  It was probably better at the time, that I didn’t know my mental health journey would follow me the rest of my life.
    What started off as depression and anxiety in my 20s morphed into Borderline Personality Disorder, bouts of Agoraphobia, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder by the time I hit 35 years old.
    Every medication either failed or worked for awhile and then failed.  I developed a habit of suicidal ideation and more than a few attempts on my life.  Turns out I was treatment resistant, and no amount of CBT, DBT, hypnosis, talk therapy, exposure therapy, group therapy, or check-in’s at the local mental hospitals provided any lasting relief.
    I was truly ready to just give up.
    But something kept pushing me forward.  Always something small, like my cats, my partner, my family, sometimes even just the end of a good TV series.  So I kept trying.  And trying.  And trying.
    I’ve made promises to everyone in my life that I won’t be “dumb” again.  It’s been very hard to keep those promises.  Sometimes, I’m not entirely sure I can.
    In the end, I just want to breathe again and function like I used to.  The reality is I am going to be working with mental illness the rest of my life.  My life will never be what it used to be.  I will have to adapt and accept that not every day will go my way.  I will have to apologize for being unable to do things other people take for granted.  I will have to keep trying, because that is all that is left for me to do.
    To anyone out there with someone like me in their lives, please support them in any way you can. Please don’t ignore them if you don’t know what to say.  Please don’t berate or judge them harshly if the holidays are too much, or they just can’t leave the house that day, tell them “It’s ok, we’ll try another time.”.  Tell them, “I love you anyway”.  Tell them, “Keep trying.”.  Work with them, not against them.  The slightest negativity in your tone or words can set them back a month.  Just be kind.
    Remember that anything you might think or say that could hurt them, they’ve already told themselves much worse.  Sometimes on a daily basis.  They don’t need more judgment.

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    Community Voices

    To anyone telling you to "just work out" for your mental health.

    To anyone telling you to “just work out” for your #MentalHealth , you have my permission to roll your eyes and walk away. Or tell them it is like saying “just calm down” to someone having a #PanicAttack . If it was that easy, I would do it!

    If I had a quarter for every time someone told me to “just work out” to fix my #Anxiety , panic and #Depression , I would have a gym decked out better than the Olympic Village.

    This post is not to tell you not to move your body. Or to move your body. I am not a doctor or expert by any means, just someone who has had a finger shaken in their face far more than I would like.

    This post is to honor all of the mixed feelings that come with exercise. I grew up dancing, from age 3 all the way through college. It was a part of my routine. It was part of my grade. It was a part of me. When I graduated college, I reveled in not having to move and sweat. I took a necessary break. The break, well, it became more than a break.

    I have struggled with panic disorder and depression since a child, and when my friends, family, doctors and, well, everyone, told me to go back to working out, I became a child. I dug my heals in so deep. My life was consumed with taking care of my mental health. It felt like every moment was dictated by my anxiety, either because I was feeling it, or trying so hard to stop it from coming back.

    I wanted to move because I wanted to. NOT because I had to.

    My relationship with working out has ebbed and flowed over the years, but finally, I feel like it is a decision that I am making. And damn does that feel good. I am moving because it feels good. I am breathing heavy by choice. I am sweating on purpose, and on the best days, I am sweating by accident. I am grateful for whatever my body is able to do that day, and not yelling at it for not doing enough.

    I hope that you can find your own motivation for movement. It looks different for all of us. I hope that it comes in a healthy, natural way that you can recognize. I hope you can understand the benefits of movement because you feel them, not because they are screamed to you.

    Wherever you are on this journey, I see you and hear you. You are not alone.

    *Please note that I am not a medical expert. I am a human with skin, bones, and an overworking brain.

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    Community Voices

    It's a long read on how I almost killed myself

    <p>It's a long read on how I almost killed myself</p>
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    Community Voices

    Hi.
    Not too sure what to say but having really bad issues with anxiety at the moment, hoping to meet some people who understand. Have family visiting tomorrow and as much as it's lovely that they want to come and see me, I just want to hide in bed. Today has been a really bad day.

    Hope everyone has something nice planned for the weekend💜

    #Anxiety #AnxietyAttack #PanicAttack #Depression #MightyTogether

    6 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Klonopin fatigue?

    I started taking Klonopin everyday for the past couple weeks. I felt great. For the past few days I’ve been hit with this fatigue that doesn’t go away. I stand at work and I feel like I’m going to fall over. Does Klonopin cause fatigue? Does it get better? Could anything else be causing this? How do I fight it? #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #PTSD #PanicAttack #AnxietyAttack

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    Community Voices

    🤪

    <p>🤪</p>
    9 people are talking about this