Panic Attacks

Create a new post for topic
Join the Conversation on
Panic Attacks
35.3K people
0 stories
8.6K posts
About Panic Attacks Show topic details
Explore Our Newsletters
What's New in Panic Attacks
All
Stories
Posts
Videos
Latest
Trending
Post
See full photo

My First Panic Attack Sent Me into an Existential OCD Spiral

I was a junior in high school when I experienced my first panic attack.

It all started with one fleeting thought:

"How do I know if I'm alive?"

Except it wasn’t fleeting at all. It dug its claws into my brain and took complete control.

"What if I wasn’t part of the same reality as my family? What if my family is dead and I’m alive? How do I know what’s real and what isn’t?"

I always felt this responsibility to make sure everyone was safe all the time. And I always felt like I had control over that. But when this thought triggered a panic attack—one that left me feeling physically and mentally detached from reality—that certainty disappeared. I felt lost. Suddenly, the idea that a single action or thought could unravel my understanding of what was real became unbearable. The fear paralyzed me.

At the time, I didn’t know that what I was experiencing had a name—Existential OCD. All I knew was that I never wanted to feel that panic again—that feeling like I had slipped into an alternate universe. Because if I entered that place again, what if I never came out? What if I never saw my family again? I did everything in my power to prevent that from happening.

But you know what they say about the pink elephant—trying not to think about something only makes you think about it more. A lot more.

I was at the mercy of OCD for over a year. The fear shifted between two extremes—either that I’d be pulled into a reality where nothing was real, or that someone I loved (or even I) would die. No matter what, it felt like I was constantly on the edge of losing everything. It was an exhausting time in my life, one I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Every decision, no matter how small—what I ate, said, wore, and did—felt like a risk, like I somehow had the power to alter my existence in the world. I avoided certain foods, colors, even words, believing they held some kind of power over my fate. I couldn't fathom eating or drinking anything that didn’t come from my house. My mind convinced me that someone at school could poison or drug me, and if that happened, I’d never see my family again. The intrusive thoughts didn’t make sense, yet they felt like absolute truth.

Stepping on a crack in the sidewalk, making eye contact for a second too long—every tiny detail felt like it could jeopardize my existence or the lives of my loved ones. The exhaustion wasn’t just mental; it was physical, too. Nights were spent lying in bed, my mind racing, my body tense.

Physically, I was drained. Emotionally, I was barely holding on.

It was a constant, unbearable weight.

I lost so much of myself during that time. My relationships, my sense of identity—everything felt warped. I wanted to feel “normal” again, but it was like trying to climb a mountain in a storm.

It wasn’t until I finally sought help—Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy (ERP), medication, the gentle support of my family—that I began to understand what was happening to me. I learned that the panic, the fear, the compulsions—they weren’t me. They were a product of OCD. That realization didn’t make it go away immediately, but it was a turning point.

The first exposures were small—so small they almost felt insignificant. I would take a sip of water from my bottle, the very same one I’d brought from home, and remind myself that I was okay. I remember how difficult that first sip was. It felt like my body was fighting me, like I was doing something dangerous just by drinking from that bottle. But my therapist assured me that the fear was a product of OCD, not reality. That was the hardest part to accept—that the fear was just a distortion, something my mind was telling me that wasn’t true.

Slowly, I started to see that the more I let the fear control me, the stronger it became. By facing it head-on, by allowing myself to make decisions without perfection or certainty, I was taking back control, piece by piece.

Even though it was terrifying, I kept going. I pushed myself to do these exposures, even when every part of me wanted to retreat back into the safety of my rituals and routines. Therapy wasn’t a quick fix, but it helped me take baby steps.

There were still hard days. OCD didn’t disappear, but I learned I didn’t have to obey it. The more I faced the fear, the less power it had. I stopped micromanaging my existence, stopped believing I could control everything. The freedom came in surrendering—not to the OCD, but to the reality that life is uncertain, and that’s okay.

Looking back, I can see how far I’ve come. But it wasn’t just about healing from OCD—it was about rediscovering who I was before it took over. The journey wasn’t easy, but it taught me that healing is possible, even when it feels out of reach. And while OCD may still whisper in the background, I now know: I don’t have to listen.

I often think about that time and the sheer determination it took to claw my way out of that darkness. It was an exhausting, painful experience, but one that taught me more about myself than I could have ever imagined. And even though I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, it made me realize that recovery is possible—no matter how impossible it feels in the moment.

If you’re in the thick of it right now, I want you to know this: You are not broken, and you are not alone. OCD will tell you that you need certainty, that you need control—but you don’t have to listen. Healing doesn’t happen all at once; it happens in the small moments, in the choices you make to step toward freedom, even when it feels impossible. And if I could get here, so can you.

My story of living with Existential OCD has many twists and turns. The thoughts, fears, compulsions, and illogic that consumed that year of panic can’t be summed up in one post. It will take time to paint the full picture.

So this is just the beginning.

Stay tuned.

#ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #MentalHealth #PanicAttacks #existentialocd

Most common user reactionsMost common user reactions 5 reactions
Post
See full photo

Your kind Monday reminder

This morning I was so overwhelmed, I could hardly get out of bed.
The weight of everything was crushing.
I almost had a panic attack.
But I did manage to talk myself down.
And I tried to tackle my morning by focusing on one task at a time.
It was exhausting.
But I did manage to get out of bed, get the kids and myself ready, walk my youngest to school, do my internship, and grocery shop.
Now I need a nap!
As you face your week, remember that you can take your week, day, or hour in steps - one thing at a time.
I won't say one "small" thing at a time, for it never feels like a "small" thing to me...
I wish you the best possible week, you can have.
#yourkindmondayreminder
#MightyTogether
#Support
#MentalHealth
#Trauma
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#AvoidantPersonalityDisorder
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Burnout
#Healing
#HighlysensitivePerson
(Picture from Pinterest, by The Latest Kate)

(edited)
Most common user reactionsMost common user reactionsMost common user reactions 64 reactions 17 comments
Post

Hi guys. TW: ED (sort of)

Hi friends. I’m new here. On January 19th I had a choking incident and ever since then I’ve had issues swallowing my food due to anxiety I’m guessing. My doctor told me it’s Dysphagia from anxiety and potentially acid reflux cause I have acid reflux. A lot is going on in my life right now. But the main thing that bothers me is my boyfriend leaving for bootcamp. I think that’s part of why I’m dealing with all of this panic. I also had an episode of syncope and passed out for a few seconds from severe panic. I have panic attacks when I go to eat, and it’s so bad I go light headed, can’t breathe, I go numb, I feel my soul “flooding out of my body” it’s an experience. Due to this I have only ate small bites for like 3 weeks now. I’m just confused on what to do and how to heal. If anyone has any recommendations I would seriously appreciate it. Much love to you all.

Most common user reactions 35 reactions 17 comments
Post
See full photo

Fear of Flying: Increased Anxiety is Normal After Incidents

I was quoted in the Wall Street Journal this week in an article discussing flying anxiety from the recent incidents in D.C. and Philly over the last week or so. In the article, I mentioned how following stories in the media has a way of "reversing normalization" about flying. What does this mean?

First, it is always unnerving and sad whenever accidents happen. And for people who are already afraid of flying, and for others as well, it has a way of increasing anxiety, and even serving to validate fears about flying and traveling. When something happens, it becomes very easy to say, "Look, I was right to be afraid." Of course, increased anxiety makes sense when there is a tragedy -- whether in a plane or anywhere else. It can be very hard to keep perspective when the worst case scenario and the thing you may fear most is happening to witness in the present.

However, one of the significant parts of managing and overcoming fear of flying isn't to become convinced that nothing could ever happen. Pretending the risk is zero doesn't help, because you know better. It's more about how to help your body and brain normalize and align with the realistic risk -- not the perceived risk, which feels much higher for most people. What I refer to as "normalization" of flying is one big part of internally aligning with reality.

How "Normalization" Helps

Every day we are normalized to risky situations. This means we have internalized the risk and the context of situations to the point that allows us to feel safe doing things that have risk to them. As I've discussed in past articles, people drive every day of the week without having panic attacks before they get into their cars, even though driving is much more risky than flying. Same thing with eating meals, showering, walking down the street, or any other activities that can end badly in a catastrophic moment. We know there is risk, but because of normalization in the brain and body, you're able to engage in these scenarios without any thought, even with no guarantees available.

Part of the experience of normalization is helping your mind and body to fully understand something as routine. This means that you are experiencing flying (and driving, etc.) from a perspective that you are engaging more with the safety than the lack of safety. For example, if you were to follow how many planes take off and land every single day, you'd never have time for anything else in your life. In this scenario, you'd be constantly engaging with the safety of flying. One or two incidents in twenty years time would certainly be sad at any time, and it might be jarring, understandably. But when you're normalized to an experience and the realistic risk level of it, it tends to not change that internal meter too much, even if it knocks it around temporarily. This is why you can hear about terrible car accidents and then still get in the car right after anyway.

"Reverse Normalization" and Its Impact on Fear of Flying

"Reverse normalization," however, is what I call it when the opposite experience happens. If you are reading or watching videos about accidents and scary airplane moments more than you are taking in the safety and routine nature of flying, then you're going to internally start to respond as if flying is actually much more dangerous than it is.

A significant issue that I've seen over time working with people on flying phobia is how affected people become when they see articles about flights diverting to different airports, or doing "go arounds" during landing, or when a passenger creates havoc in the cabin, etc. When something out of the ordinary shows up, even if safety was never really at risk, and these stories find their way to the public, it increases reverse normalization, and people become more afraid. The sensationalizing of accidents when they happen drastically increases this, and often leads to more scary airplane stories for a while after. It can make people feel like the danger is actually more real or the risk is greater than it really is.

Keeping Perspective and Calming Fears

When tragedies like this happen, the first step in managing anxiety is to do the best you can in these moments to maintain a sense of perspective. The reality is that the risk isn't actually any greater than it was before. However, it is incredibly jarring when it does happen. Keep in mind also that one of the reasons it's so jarring when it happens (aside from how tragic and upsetting it is) is because of how rare it actually is. The fact that these incidents are *not* normalized actually demonstrates just how rare it is, and therefore the increased anxiety and fear in these moments makes sense.

There's more to overcoming fear of flying that I'm not discussing in this article (I've written extensively on this on my blog if you wish to see more). However, if you're finding yourself stressed over the last couple of weeks about flying, try to remember that the risk isn't suddenly greater. If you see scary airplane stories in the media -- if everyone lands safely, maybe question if what you're reading needed to be published in the first place. If you see repeated stories about the recent accidents (which may be the case for a while), either try to ignore it, or if you must read it, try to keep perspective that it's still the one incident you're reading about. The tricky part with the brain is that each time you engage with the same incident, each engagement counts in the brain as another negative incident anyway.

#fearofflying #flyinganxiety #Anxiety #phobias

Most common user reactions 3 reactions
Post
See full photo

Gentle reminder that whatever you say to yourself in your mind comes out and affects you even if you don't mean it to

I definitely need to work on how often I vent frustration with the body I have been given. Every so often I have to stop and readjust my thoughts for the better, thanking my body for all it does to try to do what I want.
It does the best it can and I need to appreciate what it can offer.

#AmplifiedMusculoskeletalPainSyndrome #Arthritis #Asthma #Anxiety #AmplifiedMusculoskeletalPainSyndrome #bedbound #BoneSplints #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CheckInWithMe #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #ComplexRegionalPainSyndrome #Depression #Disability #DistractMe #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Endometriosis #Fibromyalgia #GastroesophagealRefluxDisease #gallstones #HypothyroidismUnderactiveThyroidDisease #Eczema #Grief #Hypersomnia #HighBloodPressure #JuvenileRheumatoidArthritis #Insomnia #Lymphedema #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #PTSD #Psoriasis #PsoriaticArthritis #Psychosis #PanicAttack #PanicAttacks #plantarfasciitis #MentalHealth #MightyTogether #MajorDepressiveDisorder #MemoryLoss #Migraine #musclespasms #MultipleAutoimmuneSyndrome #RareDisease #RheumatoidArthritis #SuicidalThoughts #Scoliosis #ShinSplints

Most common user reactions 40 reactions 7 comments
Post
See full photo

Gentle reminder that whatever you say to yourself in your mind comes out and affects you even if you don't mean it to

I definitely need to work on how often I vent frustration with the body I have been given. Every so often I have to stop and readjust my thoughts for the better, thanking my body for all it does to try to do what I want.
It does the best it can and I need to appreciate what it can offer.

#AmplifiedMusculoskeletalPainSyndrome #Arthritis #Asthma #Anxiety #AmplifiedMusculoskeletalPainSyndrome #bedbound #BoneSplints #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CheckInWithMe #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #ComplexRegionalPainSyndrome #Depression #Disability #DistractMe #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Endometriosis #Fibromyalgia #GastroesophagealRefluxDisease #gallstones #HypothyroidismUnderactiveThyroidDisease #Eczema #Grief #Hypersomnia #HighBloodPressure #JuvenileRheumatoidArthritis #Insomnia #Lymphedema #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #PTSD #Psoriasis #PsoriaticArthritis #Psychosis #PanicAttack #PanicAttacks #plantarfasciitis #MentalHealth #MightyTogether #MajorDepressiveDisorder #MemoryLoss #Migraine #musclespasms #MultipleAutoimmuneSyndrome #RareDisease #RheumatoidArthritis #SuicidalThoughts #Scoliosis #ShinSplints

Most common user reactions 40 reactions 7 comments
Post

I’m new here!

Hi, my name is James. I'm here because I lost two close loved ones 9 months apart and the grief anxiety is especially difficult right now. [one year anniversary of my father's unexpected death ( January 2024) and 3 months after my Grandmother (October 2024), who I was very close to] It's all hitting right now, and I'll get through this. I've been having nocturnal panic attacks and my anxiety during the day is difficult to manage. I also have an anxiety disorder. I'm here just to talk with others going through something similar so I don't feel so alone. Anyone have good tips for the anxiety?

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Grief

Most common user reactionsMost common user reactionsMost common user reactions 13 reactions 3 comments
Post

A FATHER'S LOVE 🩶

I watch daughters hug their fathers,
It makes my heart ache so bad.
I watch them console when their daughters cry,
While my eyes remain numb and dry.
I watch them share happy tears,
While you never smiled at me all these years.
Was it too hard for you, to speak?
Ask how I'm doing, make me feel less weak.
Was I never good enough?
Or was it too hard, to love me ?
Or was it too hard,
To earn your love?

#ADHD #Depression #PanicAttacks #regrets

Most common user reactionsMost common user reactionsMost common user reactions 39 reactions 8 comments