Panic Attacks

I believe I was wrongfully committed to a psychiatric ward for a panic attack. I was not suicidal, I did not have suicidal ideation, I had not thought of harming myself or others. But yes, I was having a panic attack on a pedestrian sidewalk on a bridge and the cops were called.
I spent the worst week of my life in a psych ward where they didn’t fed me for 24 hours, I didn’t have my clothes for 17 hours, and I didn’t get my medications for Lupus and Anti-phospholipid syndrome (APS) for 4 days which is extremely dangerous. I had men break out in fights next to me and women throw cups of their piss at me.
The doctors wanted to put me on lithium. I declined and told them they were not going to change my meds because I had a panic attack. I also told them they weren’t going to put me on the oldest 1970’s bipolar drug that would destroy my kidneys when I have LUPUS.
They blew out all my views trying to draw blood because my INR got so low. They gave me FOUR lovenox shots a day and I’m still bruised around my stomach.
No one would listen to me about my Beck Depression Scale. I was continually rated as worse than I actually felt. I was recorded to be “noncompliant” and “uncooperative” in group settings. All false. I knew I had to work the program. I knew I had to participate. I was always friendly and polite and was Med-compliant (when they did administer my medications). The gaslighting and trauma I endured was worse than the panic attack that lead me there.
I went before a judge along with my husband and my mom, we had my outpatient counselor and my psychiatrist appointments lined up and 24/7 care set up for me at home. I calmly stated my case that I was not supposed to be at this hospital and that I wanted to leave the hospital Against Medical Advice, that I was not a risk to myself or others. I had been compliant, I had been cooperative, I had been participating. I had been denied.
He gave me another week.
My social worker ended the call and immediately said that she would ask for an early release from the doctor for the following day. I had photoshoots to attend later on in the week, I had my husband, and my beloved dog to return to.
The following day my social worker told me I would be going home at 11 am. I was ecstatic, she had done it. I immediately called my mom and told her the good news and what time to pick me up. As soon as I hung up the phone, my social worker called me back up to the nurses station.
“I’m sorry. You’re not going home today.”
I was shocked. I had just signed all the paperwork I had just filled out the exit survey. I had done everything to leave.
“What do you mean? I just filled out the paperwork!”
“I know. They made me shred it.”
Apparently, in the time that it took for me to call my mom, the doctor had come down and told the hospital psychiatrist and social worker that I needed to stay- no reason given.
I was livid. But I kept my emotions in check, the last thing I needed was a breakdown and a reason for them to keep me longer.
By some miracle, my social worker did get me released later that evening.
I have nightmares now. My bruises haven’t healed in over a week. I see my outpatient counselor weekly. I AM getting well.
No thanks to the system.
#MentalHealth #Bipolar1 #ChronicIllness #Lupus

I got a really nice 60oz bottle I think about a year ago. It's nice... except the nozzle would not pop out so I could wash it. It was so disgusting. I figured it out about 20 minutes ago and Pauley is washing it for me. It was really gross. But for some reason I had a really difficult to overcome panic attack and she didn't say anything. I tried really hard to not pull off my fingernails. I am still hyper focused on cleaning out from under my nails but I didn't pull any off. But I also was scraping my head with my nails and the Seb derm stuff came off in chunks.
She just finished washing the bottle and now she's trying to put it back together. I want a donut. I got a big box of blueberry flavored donuts from Amazon last week and I keep forgetting I have them. I had one for dessert after lunch today. One, it seems, is a lonely number. The song was right.

For 8 years, I’ve been told my symptoms are "just stress."

I saw a neurologist for headaches → sent to a psychiatrist.

Diagnosed with depression. Antidepressants didn't work.

Saw another psychiatrist. Still no change.

Then I watched a documentary on Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS).

Suddenly, everything clicked.

My symptoms:

🔹 Crashing after any activity – even standing for 10 minutes

🔹 Memory lapses & body pain

🔹 Panic attacks

🔹 Classic PEM (Post-Exertional Malaise)

I quit my job for a "3-month burnout break."

It’s now been nearly a year.

Even doing household chores crashes me.

But every doctor tells me the same thing:

"Exercise more." "Manage your stress." "You should have pushed through at work."

No one will tell me how to get tested or where to go.

So, I’m asking this community:

If you have CFS or a chronic illness – how did you finally get taken seriously?

How did you know it was physical, not "just mental health"? I am just going with my gut feeling, currently taking ayurveda though i feel it's not right direction at least they mentioned its related to intestine functioning but still the doctor says push yourself don't sit inside the house. I feel condition will become worser, I am pacing the energy by reading various blogs relying on a medicine not even sure where it will be taking me.

I need direction. Please share your story. 🙏

#Depression #MentalHealth #MightyTogether #ChronicFatigue #ChronicFatigueSyndrome

I've dealt with depression multiple times before, and I'd generally say I manage it quite well , I potentially have BPD too, but I function fairly well overall these days. In the past few months, I've recognised that I've been a bit lonely and withdrawn, but I actually felt pretty good , especially compared to a big depressive dip a few months back ...or at least I thought I did.

It's hard to explain. I don't know who I've been. I'm confused and questioning everything. It's foggy trying to think about how I've actually been acting or feeling day to day.

I've always had an active imagination and used daydreaming as a coping mechanism, for as long as I can remember , that part isn't new. But I think my inner monologue and my daydreaming have turned into something else now, something louder, more consuming, less like a coping tool and more like it's taking me over. That said, this isn't just about the daydreaming , it's part of a bigger picture where I feel like I've been acting like a different version of myself these past few weeks in ways I'm only now noticing, and it's affecting my relationships and my sense of who I am.

I'm anxious and paranoid that I'm losing touch. I've been crying a lot, multiple times privately, and finding it hard to act normal around people, scared of seeming weird, or that I'll suddenly lose it and start crying or have a panic attack in front of someone. Right now I feel like I'm fully breaking down, and it's scary.

This all came into focus last night while I was high, experiencing intense emotions and fear — I had a sudden realisation that I haven't been myself for the past few weeks. Even in the moment, I was aware it could just be the drugs talking, and I told myself to wait until I was sober before deciding how real it was. But now I'm sober and I still feel exactly the same. That's what's really scaring me — this isn't going away now the high has worn off, and this realisation, brand new as of last night, has put me into a scary, anxious, paranoid, panicky state I haven't been able to shake since.

I don't have anyone close by to talk this through with right now, which is part of why I'm posting here. I'm scared and I don't know how to put this into words for the people around me.

Any advice, similar experiences, or just a sanity check would help

#MentalHealth #Depression #CheckInWithMe