patterns

Hello! Since a young age I had a hyper-fixation on certain numbers and patterns, as well as an overarching fear of religion and the unknown. As I got older (I’m now in college) - it has grew into high-functioning anxiety but some days I truly can not function. I have focused on certain especially scary numbers in my brain and have grown to fear them. This directly ties into my fear of dying. I am constantly looking for “patterns” and setting ultimatums for short term relief. Some days I think my fears are stupid and other days they dictate my entire mood and persona.

Hoping someone can please tell me their experiences with anything remotely similar.

#OCD #Anxiety #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #numbers #patterns #MentalHealth #Agoraphobia #MentalHealth #AnxietyBooks

Sitting in the car analyzing myself and pondering if I do indeed have the resolve needed to reprogram my brain to think #positively not #negatively . I try step outside myself and counsel myself. I can see clearly that there are negative #patterns that keep popping up in the way I #think . I assume condemnation every time I see an area where I am not obeying God. There are specific areas of wrongs sometimes perceived wrongs that I tend to come up more often…too often. Such as do not forsake the fellowship of the brethren. Another is not reading the Bible. I know my #OCD and #ADHD #Aspergers have made this a crippling challenge. However I can not rule out my own will completely.
This is where things become murky trying to figure out what is reasonable thought and what is illogical logic. This shouldn’t be so hard to figure out. Anything I do not do for a long time I become #fearful of doing. This is not uncommon for OCD and Aspergers if I’m not mistaken. Plus the enemy attacking me when I’m trying to fight my disease. This should be a good hint that any negative thought I’m dealing with is not true. Any thoughts on your part my brothers and sisters are welcome. God bless you all!