Postpartum

Part 1 of 2 Sometime in 2022, I started bleeding and just I didn’t stop.

It would help to have a little background. At that time, I was a 43 year old woman with 2 children. I was newly divorced and trying to feel very hot, and very datable. I mean, I was wearing lingerie!

And then one day, my period came, and it just didn’t stop.

When I say “didn’t stop”, I mean this was a mess. Postpartum levels of carnage. I was soaking through tampons and pads, and I could hardly leave the house. And those little thong bodysuits I had recently acquired? Please.

This was unusual for me, so I made an appointment with an OBGYN. We thought that perhaps the stress of my divorce had thrown my cycle off. She had me wait it out. Weeks later; I was dizzy, depressed, and exhausted. I went into urgent care and I told the doctor that every woman on my maternal side has had some sort of cancer. (I was so afraid that I was a newly single parent, and now I also had cancer. It felt like a ‘universe piling on’ type of situation. This was not a chill time for me.)

They did tests. Pelvic exams, uterine biopsies. Those seemed to be clear, and what my gynecologist eventually said to me changed my life. She said, “Well, Natalie, you’re 43. This might simply be perimenopause.”

This was not welcome news. I thought I was way too young for menopause, I didn’t actually understand what perimenopause was, and I had no idea what my next move ought to be.

So, I went home and did some digging.

Turns out, 43 is exactly the right age for the first stages of menopause to creep in. Our ovaries are slowing down, and our entire body can be affected. The symptoms might look different for lots of folks, but most of us will have some shared experiences. (I’m using ‘symptoms’ because menopause is caused by a hormone deficiency, and even though it happens to everyone with certain reproductive parts- I’ve learned more and more about ways that we can actually treat it.)

It’s very possible that nobody will tell us this is about to happen. Unlike pregnancy, women don’t tend to talk to each other about menopause. Doctors don’t tend to give us a head’s up that we can start looking out for signs and symptoms. Largely, we will feel unseen and unsupported as we try to navigate a very intense change that half of the human population is scheduled to go through.

1. Your cycle will change. Less frequent or sporadic periods are common, but what is also common is relentless bleeding. When you walk around and see 40-50 year old women going about their business, it’s very possible that many of them have been bleeding for months and months, without relief. Fun!

2. You gain weight! Hormones do so much to control our weight and metabolism, and even small changes can make a big difference. Quite suddenly, most of your clothes might not fit, and your decades old diet and exercise habits might not be working for you. Belly weight seems to be the most common- I’ve given away a lot of pants this year.

3. Your vagina will change. Mine became more sensitive, generally. I need more gentleness during any genital contact but especially during penetration, I’m much more prone to yeast and BV, and for the first time in my life, I constantly need to use lubricant. My body feels tender, and I’m learning to treat it with the care it now needs.

The more openly I talk about perimenopause- both to friends and on social media- the more symptoms I’m made aware of. Brain fog, fatigue, anxiety, lack of sleep, gut issues, food and alcohol intolerance, memory loss, body aches- the list goes on. It’s mostly women who are experiencing these symptoms, and women are notorious for soldiering through pain and discomfort (out of necessity), so it really takes a lot for many women to open up about what’s happening with them. For many of us, it takes multiple doctor visits, and often even switching doctors, to receive decent information and care.

As some of us have been doing this leg work, I think it’s helpful to share what we’ve found. For me, here are some treatments that have saved my quality of life during this time.

1. Hormone replacement therapy. That’s right- HRT is for everyone, and it can save lives! To control my own bleeding; I tried Estradiol, a hormonal birth control pill, and a hormonal IUD. None of those helped (and in fact, the IUD led to constant bacterial infection and discomfort). What eventually has helped is Synd, an oral contraceptive containing only drospirenone, which is a progestin. I’ve been taking Slynd for 3 months, and besides some initial weight gain, I haven’t noticed negative side effects. A very positive side effect has been stopping menstruation, which is significant for me due to the distressingly heavy bleeding I was experiencing. I have n

So here’s my autoimmunity story- had food poisoning in 2006, they discovered my Hashimotos in that hospital stay. I had no clue, thought it was postpartum truly. A quick year later I was in so much pain I sought out a rheumatologist bc my mom had RA . Sure enough, I had that too, also found type 2 diabetes. Later on I was told I have fibromyalgia as well. I have also been through the wringer with every symptom of MS, but no brain lesions. I am 54 and now that I have every disc bulging or herniated they say I have degenerative disc disease.

As you embark on this incredible journey of transitioning into #Motherhood #Motherhood and becoming a parent, it's important to remember that having a strong and supportive partner can make all the difference. The number one #hack for being a parent and alleviating the challenges of #postpartum is choosing a good partner to begin with.

While this realization may come after having kids for many of us, it's crucial to seek out character traits that indicate a person's ability to be a true teammate in parenting. In this article, we'll explore the importance of finding the right partner and how it can positively impact your parenting experience.

The Power of Partnership

Parenting is a lifelong commitment, spanning over 18 years of your life. It's crucial to consider the long-term implications of choosing a partner who will be an integral part of making your daily life more manageable.

From the beginning, we should prioritize the desire for a true partnership and a teammate who will support us not only during #Pregnancy but also throughout the period and beyond.

Identifying the Right Traits

Finding a partner with the right traits is essential for a successful parenting journey. Consider the following qualities when choosing a partner:

Communication and Empathy:

A partner who excels in communication and empathy will create a nurturing environment for your growing family. They will be there to listen, understand, and provide emotional support when you need it most.

Shared Values and Goals:

Finding a partner who shares your core values and parenting goals will ensure a harmonious upbringing for your children. Aligning on important issues such as discipline, education, and family values is key to creating a cohesive parenting strategy.

The Crucial Role of a Supportive Partner in the #postpartum Period

The #postpartum period, particularly the first six months, can be an intense and challenging time for new mothers. #hormonal fluctuations, sleep deprivation, physical recovery, and adjusting to the demands of caring for a newborn can feel overwhelming. Having a supportive partner during this time can make the transition into #Motherhood that much easier.

A supportive partner understands that is a period of adjustment and exhibits patience and empathy. They validate your feelings and thoughts related to the changes of becoming a mother, offering reassurance and understanding when you need it most.

They actively participate in caring for the baby, easing the burden on you as a new mother. From diaper changes to late-night feedings, a supportive partner is willing to help as much as possible with the baby, allowing you to get much-needed rest and self-care.

Additionally, a supportive partner recognizes the importance of taking care of you as a mother. They understand that when you are well-rested, emotionally supported, and nurtured, you can better care for your baby. They encourage you to prioritize self-care and provide the necessary support to make it happen.

Modeling Healthy #Relationships

As parents, we play a vital role in shaping our children's understanding of relationships. By modeling a healthy and respectful partnership, we can teach them the qualities to seek in a future partner.

Even if your current partner doesn't possess all the desired traits, it's essential to have open conversations with your children about what's important in a partner. This will empower them to make informed decisions in their own lives.

Nurturing Your #relationship

Maintaining a strong and fulfilling partnership requires investing time and effort into nurturing your relationship.

Carve out quality time together and prioritize self-care as individuals to strengthen your bond as parents. Recognize that #Parenthood is a shared responsibility.

Encourage open communication about parental duties, delegate tasks, and provide support to each other to ensure a balanced and harmonious parenting experience.

Building a Strong #Parenting Team

A strong parenting team relies on open and effective communication. Your partner should be someone with whom you can discuss parenting challenges, share responsibilities, and find solutions together. This collaborative approach fosters a sense of unity and strengthens your bond as parents.

Recognize the importance of balancing parenting responsibilities. A supportive partner actively contributes to household chores, childcare tasks, and daily routines, ensuring that the load is shared equitably. This balance allows both parents to feel supported and appreciated.

During the journey of motherhood, emotional support from your partner is invaluable. They offer a listening ear, a comforting presence, and words of encouragement. Their unwavering support helps you navigate the ups and downs of motherhood with confidence and resilience.

As you embark on your journey into parenthood, remember that choosing the right partner is the ultimate parenting hack. By seeking a partner who embodies the traits of a supportive teammate, you can create a nurturing environment for your child's growth and development.

Remember, it's never too late to model the kind of parent you want your children to have and to have open discussions about what's important in a partner. With the right partner by your side, your parenting experience will be enriched, and you'll be better equipped to navigate the joys and challenges of raising a child.

Parenthood is a beautiful adventure, and with a loving and supportive partner, you'll have an even greater chance to create lasting memories and forge a strong foundation for your family. Embrace this incredible opportunity and enjoy the journey together!

Hi, my name is Megan Stander. I'm here because I had a difficult postpartum experience due to my anxiety and depression diagnosis as well as having a rare breastfeeding disorder called Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex (DMER). My goal is to help other pregnant and new moms prepare for and manage postpartum by offering information and advice.

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #Migraine #ADHD

I don't know how to help this person I know who might have postpartum or something similar she's having a hard time she's usually super positive very strong but this has knocked her down I don't know how to help even a little or what to say and not make worse.🙀😭🙏♥️😣😵🤯😱😓
#anxiety #Depression

If you have ever experienced psychosis, you are probably aware that what you KNOW and what you BELIEVE are two very different things.

All throughout my pregnancy, from beginning to now (he was about about four weeks old at the time of writing) I have had trouble bonding, connecting, and otherwise believing in my son’s existence.

Which, truly, is worrisome and slightly terrifying.

Is this just some elaborate hallucination? That’s what my brain tells me.

From the first visit at the birthing center where I shared my concerns with the midwives that this pregnancy wasn’t “real” – it was one of those pregnancies where I went through the whole process physically, but with no baby at the end – to during labor when he finally emerged and I kept asking “is he real?”, this whole experience has yet to connect properly in my brain.

The trauma after birth didn’t help matters – between a huge blood clot, hemorrhaging, and postpartum preeclampsia – but recovery is a work in progress.

How I Cope with the Psychosis:

-I’ve surrounded myself with support, for one. There is rarely a time when no one is available to help

-Breastfeeding, cuddling my son, and skin to skin contact don’t make my son feel any more real, but they do seem to help keep my psychosis from getting worse.

-Honesty with my care team (midwives, psychiatrist, and probably a therapist soon) about what is happening so I can be properly cared for and medicated as needed

-Walking away (with my son left in good hands) when needed is invaluable. Although I have not in any way felt aggression or anger towards my son, sometimes a meltdown happens, and it’s easier to recover from a meltdown when you AREN’T holding a crying infant.

Next Steps:

As hard as it is to gather the motivation to breastfeed and otherwise care for an infant that my brain tells me doesn’t truly exist, I rely on my support system (primarily the people I live with) to help encourage and push me to do what needs to be done. When I simply cannot function, communication with my support people is key.

If you are going through something similar, please, surround yourself with as many supportive people that you can be fully open and honest with as you can. Their help can make or break your pregnancy and later your ability to function when caring for your newborn.

Have you gone through a pregnancy or birth while experiencing psychosis? Were you able to properly bond with your child later? Please let me know in the comments. I’m still holding out hope that this mental state isn’t forever.

How was your pregnancy while being bipolar?
How was it after labour? Did you end up having postpartum depression?

#Bipolar2Disorder

Part 1 of 2 “I’m so tired of waking up feeling bad and scared. Every day I wonder why I had this baby when the planet is collapsing around us and everything feels upside down.”

This was the start of a therapy session with a postpartum mama trying to make sense out of her day.

Another recently told me, “My husband and I have wanted a baby more than anything in the world. Now, we’re no longer so sure that this would be the right thing for us to do, given the state of the world. I mean, it’s crazy out there. What will the world be like for them?”

Noticing this trend of hopelessness in response to perilous realities and the litany of environmental, political, social, and medical and mental healthcare crises, I can’t help but wonder about the contagious and ubiquitous impact this shared despair has on each and every one of our psyches and spirits. We are all craving some degree of emotional restoration, reassurance, grounding, predictability – to soothe our collective anxious souls. Our regulatory behaviors don’t feel sufficient at the moment, leading to overloaded nervous systems which, in some cases, morph into a perpetual state of apprehension. Things we have all relied on for comfort or a respite from our worries feel inadequate in response to the severity of restlessness and alarm permeating the air. Our go-to resources for relief are running out of steam.

All humans function best when we have answers, or a plan, or a direction. When we have a purpose, a design, or an intention.

In today’s uncertain world, we have more questions than solutions which is a breeding ground for relentless anxiety. Add that to the already vulnerable environment of a new mom and dad, and things can quickly escalate to extraordinary and unprecedented levels of distress. The issues parents raise today cannot be dismissed as “just anxiety.” They are thoughtful and unsettled concerns about the known and unknown variables that have never before confronted young families. Parents are being forced to make decisions that most of us could never have dreamt would urgently be placed in front of them. Research is showing us that COVID-19 is having detrimental effects on maternal mental wellbeing on top of the 1 out of 7 women who experience postpartum mood and anxiety disorders prior to the pandemic. (Chen, Li, Xiong, & Zheng, 2022).

As therapists, we find ourselves sitting in the mess with them, hoping our clarity can help them navigate this uncharted territory, along with our own anxieties which we quietly tuck into the background. When our professional resilience feels unsteady, when we wonder if we are “enough” or whether our clients’ have anything to gain from our presence during turbulent times – I turn inward.

My personal journey always directs me to Viktor Frankl, neurologist, psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, for guidance. I recall the teachings from his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, as he reminds us that the primary and fundamental force which motivates people during difficult times – especially related to trauma and perceived purposelessness – is to find meaning.

Quite a huge undertaking to ask of overwhelmed, weary and dispirited souls. Still, Frankl maintains it is this task to find meaning which serves to decrease feelings of despair and fuels motivation and our capacity for joy. Finding meaning, he elaborates, is accomplished through various means:

1) Purposeful work or creation (creative endeavors, projects that keep you focused, excited and working toward a goal).

2) Experiencing truth, beauty and love, by reaching beyond yourself and helping/connecting with others.

3) Suffering. This is hard. The very first step is to accept that it is there. Pushing away any uncomfortable emotion or sensation usually makes it stronger and more present. Accepting that you are suffering does not mean indulging or wallowing in it. It means identifying it so you can address it and take care of yourself.

Finding meaning through suffering is perhaps our most challenging act of courage and introspection and represents a potential pathway to well-being. It is up to each of us, to reflect on and actualize this in a way that is unique to ourself, our own narrative, and our own skill set.

When my father’s health was rapidly declining, I remember asking my mother, a holocaust survivor, how she does it, day after day and throughout the night, attending to his every need, with sparse and woefully inadequate help. I asked her how she gets up every morning, after being up half the night, only to face the same emotionally-charged yet tedious caregiving role. She said, “This is what I’m supposed to do now. It’s not easy, but he needs me to do this. It’s hard, but it feels important. I am determined to make this part of our journ