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Thank you!

I joined The Mighty in Nov. 2023 during a very difficult time for me, and a time that was only the beginning to an incredibly difficult year.

I don’t remember how I discovered this platform, but I am very thankful for the understanding, support and community that I have found here.

I just want to say thank you! Thank you to everyone who has shown compassion and understanding. And to everyone who takes the risk of sharing your own experiences, difficulties and vulnerabilities.

Thank you for being part of a community that can be a safe place for people; a community that can provide insight, give comfort and shine a light on the good that is in all of our lives.

#ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #artastherapy #MentalHealth #MightyTogether #Depression #Anxiety #Neurodiversity #Grief #Relationships

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Not feeling festive

It's Yule. I'm trying to get into the spirit of the holiday but I just don't feel it. I'm worried about making the quiche, I'm afraid I'll mess up cooking. It's been over 10 years since I last made it. I've got all the ingredients. It's pretty easy to make. I'm mostly worried about cooking the bacon. I've got to cut it up into little bits and fry it. I'm gonna have @pauleyholm help me with the bacon.

I'm feeling very ugly today. And fat.

Like... what does she see in me? Yeah I'm stable, have income, and have my own place. But I'm just so ugly. I don't know what is good enough about me.

#Depression #Relationships #MentalHealth

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Prejudice - a letter from Colin #Anxiety #Depression #Hope #Relationships #FamilyAndFriends #MentalHealth

I was going through some old correspondence this week and I found a letter from an old friend, Colin. He wrote it in 1986, at the end of 1987 he died.

I will never forget the phone call he made to his Mum telling her he was gay. She had already figured that out. He then told her the shocking news he had AIDS.

Colin died aged 27. A life cut so short. In late 1987 he came to visit us. AIDS was fairly new and there was a lot of hysteria about it. Colin asked if he could hold our new born baby. We said, of course. He then asked permission to kiss her on the cheek. We said yes. He then burst into tears.

He explained his siblings won’t let him near his nephews and nieces. We had consulted a medical friend who assured us that AIDS couldn’t be passed on with minimal contact. I miss him a lot, he was a great friend.

I hate prejudice. I have seen it, all over the word, in many different forms. Racism, Ageism, Sexism, Gender prejudice etc.

Prejudice says so much more about biased person than it does about their target. God loves everyone, without bias or favouritism. That’s our example to follow.

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This song hitting home for me right now. Reminds me of my Dad; both our relationship in the past and now after he has passed.

“Last Name” by Catie Turner

Take me to dinner
Say it's my favorite
Hasn't been my favorite, since I was nine
You say you hear but, do you really listen?
I don't really listen, I think we stopped trying

Am I loyal to people or to a last name
I'll carry the crest and internalized blame
When gods become people, there’s not much to talk about
It feels like a graveyard inside of our house

It's almost your birthday, don't know what to get you
Don't know what to get you, don't know what you like

When it starts to feel like work to pick up the call
Small talk with strangers, it's your duty to love
No choice in who made you, but choice with your time
I hope you felt chosen some of your life

There is a kid who lives inside and they miss you
Inside and they miss you, and they don't know why…
Why we stopped eating dinner at the table, and stopped watching movies on Saturday nights…

…at least I knew you once in my life
At least I knew you once in my life

I see you in movies, I see you in light
I see you in playgrounds, every tear that I cry
I hear you in trains, singing with crickets at night

I know that I knew you once in my life
I hope that I meet you again when it's time

#artastherapy

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Redefining Your Narrative - Motivation, Empowerment, and a Pep Talk from my heart.

Brene Brown, PhD was one of my first and most impactful teachers at the start of my healing journey and wow, did she get me so far because she is an Emotions Researcher —- she spent the past two decades studying Courage, Vulnerability, Shame, and Empathy.

I can’t recommend her enough to also empower you on your healing, growth, and evolving journey to wellbeing and moving you towards your full potential to the best version of your authentic self.

You can watch her videos on YouTube and you can find her transformative best-selling books, videos, and articles, and even resources like workbooks on her website Brené Brown

What I want to emphasize here is that you should never feel alone in your journey because there are so many thought leaders and experts in whatever it is you are struggling with or with what you want to get better at that have already walked the same path and figured out this complex, but not yours alone - human experience. Seek them out - Google them, search for them on YouTube— keep looking out for my posts and my conversations threads and replies to others where I keep giving out these free resources for all of what we need to better understand to thrive. You can always ask me too, and I will be happy to do what I can to help find the expert who can help you with Self-Empowerment. There is a very good chance that expert’s name or advice/wisdoms are already in my copious notes in my phone. I am a constant learner about life, emotions, psychology….and I take detailed notes so I have at my fingertips what I will need to thrive and to fill the gaps in my emotional intelligence and self-development—- all of the critical things to thrive in life empowered that many a therapist never shared with me.

I hope that Self-Empowerment becomes your new favorite term too.

And these critical terms that start with the word “Self”: Self-Regulation (includes emotion regulation and our own regulation of our physiology like our breath, and our heart rate); and Self-Awareness, and Self-Acceptance, and Self-Worth, and Self-Esteem, and Self-Love, Self-Compassion, Self-Efficacy, Self-Discipline, Self-Discovery, Self-Respect.
Am I missing any? Each one is of critical importance for all of us to master ourselves.

I never want you to feel alone, not seen, not validated, powerless, flawed, worthless, or any of that stuff because literally, to be very clear - it is b*llsh*t.

Please Don’t let those thoughts have any say to get the best of you, they are just thoughts - which are just mental events on autopilot, they are not facts -they do not hold any meaning unless we give it power and meaning.

Here is one of the very Motivational and Self-Empowerment talks by Brene Brown that I Especially hope that you will embrace to help you not just survive but thrive more through the difficult holidays right here For us not Against us.

“Part of redefining your narrative is deciding what role you want to play in your own story.

Are you the hero who rises against the odds?
Are you the creator who builds something beautiful from the rubble?

Or are you the person who remains stuck letting the past dictate the future?

The choice is yours.
And, it starts with a single decision that I Will Not Let My Pain Define Me.
I Will Let It Refine Me.

Your life is a story and every experience- both good and bad becomes a chapter in that story.

But here is the truth that many of us overlook— you are the author.

You have the power to decide how the story is told; how the events are interpreted; and what meaning you give to the things that happens to you.

Redefining your narrative is not about erasing the past or pretending it didn’t happen.
It’s about choosing to see it through a lens of growth, resilience, and possibility.

Often we get stuck in narratives that no longer serves us.
Perhaps you told yourself that a failure defines your worth; or maybe you adopted a story of victimhood where everything that went wrong is proof that life is unfair.

These narratives can feel real because they are rooted in genuine pain or disappointment, but just because they feel real doesn’t mean they have to remain the dominant story of your life.

Redefining your narrative starts with awareness. Ask yourself what story have I been telling about myself in my life. Is it a story of defeat, scarcity, or limitation?

Is it a story where someone else’s actions hold all of the power?

Once you identify the narrative that you have been carrying, you can begin to rewrite it.

*One of the most transformative ways to redefine your narrative is to shift your perspective on hardship.*

*Instead of viewing challenges as evidence of your inadequacy, consider them as chapters of growth.*

What did you learn from that relationship that didn’t work out?

What strength did you develop from that setback?

What doors opened after the one you wanted closed?

*When you redefine your narrative, you take ownership of your story.*

*This doesn’t mean ignoring the pain, or pretending everything was okay, it means looking at the past with compassion and choosing to see yourself not as a victim but as a survivor, a learner, and a person who is continually evolving.*

*It’s also important to remember that your narrative isn’t just shaped by what happens to you; it’s shaped by the meaning you assign to those events.*

Two people can go through similar experiences and come out with entirely different stories.

*One may see rejection as proof they’re not enough, while the other sees it as redirection towards something better — which meaning will you choose?*

With warm wishes,

You friend in this hard thing called life,

Dawn 🤗

#MentalHealth #MightyTogether #Mindfulness #CheerMeOn #CheckInWithMe #DistractMe #WarmWishes #IfYouFeelHopeless #Suicide #Selfharm #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #ChronicIllness #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Agoraphobia #Anxiety #Depression #MajorDepressiveDisorder #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #MoodDisorders #SocialAnxiety #Addiction #Disability #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDepression #BipolarDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #EatingDisorders #AnorexiaNervosa #ADHD #Relationships #FamilyAndFriends #CerebralPalsy #AutismSpectrumDisorder #AspergersSyndrome #RareDisease #AlopeciaAreata #Cancers #ChronicFatigue #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #MyCondition #MultipleSclerosis #AutonomicDysfunction #PTSD #Cancer #ParkinsonsDisease #Migraine #ChronicPain #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #POTS #CrohnsDisease #RheumatoidArthritis #Caregiving

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Tiny milestone

Tomorrow is my 1 month point with @pauleyholm . It went by so fast. It's been a wonderful month. I'm really happy. She has brought so much joy to my life.

#Relationships

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Toxic Marriage part 2 maybe the end?

I’m using this site as more of a chronicle of journals more than anything. In truth I’m not sure why I’m posting in such a public setting. Maybe it’s for attention? Though if it were I think I would have responded to the comments that were very kind from the first post?

Those who did not read this first might be a little lost. I posted a question originally with the subject line Toxic Marriage? And explained my up and down marriage that has led to a profound unhappiness at times. I have also had extreme moments of elation to be fair, but the swings are massive and they are always crushing because I care so much for this person. I’ve had thoughts of suicide as a direct relation to this person. Let’s call her Jane. If I weren’t as much as a coward as I am I probably would have already hung myself as a result of this turbulent relationship. I think my fear is that if I were to cross that boundary, I might regret it right before the blackness swallows me. Then sometimes I think it would be peaceful.

One issue we have always had in our relationship is the extremity in which she clings onto her family. From my perspective she is dependent on them emotionally and from her perspective she is “close” with them.

for the first few years of our relationship her mom would call her every single night without fail, to say goodnight and to talk for an hour. All honesty here, I had problems with that. Maybe not so much because of the sentiment because it’s endearing, but it would get in the way of things. Sex, dinner, quality time, the standard stuff. We moved away, ironically that was her idea. And now they come down anywhere from once a month to once every 6 months. When I tally up the time we spend with them it’s around 3 months a year. They are great people, it’s less of an issue because of the quality of them, and more of an issue because they want to be with us from the moment we open our eyes to the moment we go to sleep.

we have fought about them coming down to visit OFTEN. I unfortunately have failed in many instances in communicating how I was feeling and kind of just lashing out.

So this last trip she was running her first marathon, I wanted to surprise her with her dad coming down. He called me and I happened to be having the same thought so I thought it was a great fit. I was determined it be a good trip.

So when he arrived I pulled her aside and said listen I would really appreciate if we prioritized some quality time away from him. Not a lot we can spend 23 hours with him but can we please spend some time apart at night. Maybe like 60 minutes to 90 minutes before bed where we just reconnect with each other.

she has told me she lives with me all of the time and doesn’t want to do that. Now what’s frustrating is that we do live together, and because I’m fortunate enough to make a fair amount of money she doesn’t have to work and I work from home. But in reality Monday through Friday I’m in my office for the majority of the day. We maybe catch a workout together then maybe eat dinner and possibly watch an hour of tv. But in reality, while we are together she is on the phone with her family or friends 2-3 times a week for hours.

in addition she always throws in how she has never once met someone like me who needs that. How in weird and how if I could just “get it together” we would never have issues. That basically it’s all my fault.

it finally came to a head this trip when we once again got into an argument about how I’m giving for the relationship for her family to be here and how what little I ask for in return is not reciprocated.

I told her I did the best I could this trip and it’s clearly still not enough. So at this point, I think she should leave me, and go back with her dad to her home state as I can’t do anything else for her.

i can’t and will never be the person who’s super excited to have people around all of the time in my home. It’s simply not who I am, and I can’t make myself be that person.

As a side note sex has been an issue for us for the entirety of our relationship. I have asked her to work on that but unfortunately the most she could give me was once per week. Im not hyper sexual or anything but I workout often, I am in good shape, I’m young and I want to have sex with my wife that I’m very physically attracted to, as well as emotionally of course. I compromised at once per week as that was all she could give me. Now when I say sex I mean actually emotionally connecting sex where she finishes and I do as well. To be honest I’d be happy just her finishing. She’ll give me quickies until the end of time, but to me it’s more about the connection and less about getting off. My point in bringing this up as a side note is that I accepted that this was all she could give me and honestly she doesn’t even meet that most of the time.

So now here’s where we are, I spoke with her about 15 minutes ago when her dad finally went to bed. She told me how she isn’t doing this for the rest of her life, and I’m left heartbroken writing this message into the ether of the internet. I’m so terribly sad and I go through the 5 stages of grief in rapid succession. sadness, numb, anger, wanting her to stay, acceptance. Then I jump back through them again.

it’s so pathetic but desperately I want her to stay but I know now that in my heart we are just going to continue fighting about this.

I guess I don’t know how to end this so I’ll end it there for now.

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OMG

I turned my back wrong and the pain spiked to 8. I took a Norco less than a half hour ago. @pauleyholm just left for work and we're pretty sure she's going to be back sometime tomorrow morning. I'm gonna put on my heating pad and rest.

I'm gonna call my mom and chat for a bit. I wanna tell her how my night went. She's been nicer since we got into the fight. We have actually had 3 really pleasant conversations in the last week.

Therapy today went well. We did some really interesting journal prompts last night and my therapist really liked it. We actually talked about my freshman year of highschool cuz bad things happened to me back then. My therapist actually thanked me for being willing to be vulnerable.

We're skipping therapy next Thursday and then the following Monday. So my next session is next Monday, the day before my birthday. I'm gonna try to find a good years end set of journal prompts.

Saturday will be one month for me and pauley. It's been a really good month. She is so important to me. Saturday is also my holiday. I'm gonna make a really nice quiche for dinner.

Pauley is concerned that she doesn't have gifts for Yule or my birthday. I'm just so glad she's here and she's doing much better. We are so happy together. She means the world to me.

#Relationships #BackPain #Holidays #MentalHealth

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