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The other side of substance abuse and narcissistic behavior

I havent posted for awhile.. I have been trying to navigate a mental health journey for the better part of my existance.. I got married at 24 and spent the last 6 years learning what one choice to commit can do if its the wrong person on the other end of the commitment.. I was oblivious to hard substance use, Marijuana is fine with me but this was.. not the same kind of smoke.. moments I felt doubt I told myself (and so did he) that I was just looking for problems that didnt exist... intuitively I knew better.. and went through a phase where I almost left and got pulled back in while he still needed me to boost his image... now that he needs me gone to boost his journey I saw a more violent more dirty (hoarding) side to him then ever before.. all the years of trying to gently guide us in a direction of managing a healthy home together.. gone. Done. And all because one man knew I would help him get him where he wants and knew he could drop me when im no longer needed... I've seen stories like this all around me.. but to be in the midst is so different. I truely gave my everything for that relationship.. and worked on myself constantly. Thats the only positive, I can walk away knowing I am more mentally stable then ever before because I kept doing self reflection and tricking myself into working on my mental health harder and better then ever before, for himand myself.. and now it feel wrong to say I am stronger without him.. being in a happy relationship makes me feel guilty.. for anyone who has gone through something similar, the guilt shouldn't be ours. They wont feel it for us or take it on, but just know its misplaced. Keep on chasing happiness. Still be loving and accepting just with a new filter to be a little less nieve. 🩷🩷🩷🩷

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10 Science-Backed Ways to Calm Anxiety Without Medication

Anxiety is exhausting. That tight feeling in your chest, the racing thoughts that won't slow down, the constant 'what ifs' playing on repeat in your head. If this sounds familiar, you're not alone.

According to the Anxiety & Depression Association of America (ADAA), anxiety disorders affect over 40 million adults in the United States alone — making it the most common mental health condition in the country. And yet, many people either can't access medication, don't want to, or are looking for ways to manage their anxiety naturally alongside any treatment they're already receiving.

The good news? Science has a lot to say about what actually works. Here are 10 evidence-backed strategies you can start using today.

⚠️ Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider if you're experiencing severe or persistent anxiety.

1. Try Box Breathing (4-7-8 Method)

When anxiety spikes, your nervous system goes into fight-or-flight mode. Controlled breathing is one of the fastest ways to switch it off.

The 4-7-8 breathing technique, developed by Dr. Andrew Weil, works by slowing your heart rate and activating your parasympathetic nervous system. Here's how:

Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds

Hold your breath for 7 seconds

Exhale slowly through your mouth for 8 seconds

Repeat this four times. A 2017 study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that slow-paced breathing significantly reduces anxiety and stress in healthy adults.

2. Get Moving — Even a 10-Minute Walk Counts

You've probably heard 'exercise is good for mental health' so many times it sounds like a cliché. But the science is genuinely impressive. Exercise releases endorphins, reduces cortisol (your stress hormone), and increases GABA — a brain chemical that helps calm the nervous system.

The Mayo Clinic confirms that even a brisk 10-minute walk can provide hours of anxiety relief. You don't need a gym membership or a complicated workout plan. A short walk outside — ideally in nature — is enough to make a real difference.

3. Use the 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique

When anxiety pulls you into a spiral of future worries, grounding techniques bring you back to the present moment. The 5-4-3-2-1 method is one of the most widely used by therapists for exactly this reason.

Notice and name:

5 things you can see

4 things you can physically feel

3 things you can hear

2 things you can smell

1 thing you can taste

This simple exercise interrupts anxious thought patterns by engaging your senses and pulling your attention into the physical present. It's backed by cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) principles used in NHS and American Psychological Association guidelines.

4. Limit Caffeine (Seriously)

That third cup of coffee might be making your anxiety significantly worse. Caffeine stimulates the central nervous system and can trigger or amplify anxiety symptoms — including a racing heart, restlessness, and irritability.

A study in the journal Psychopharmacology found that people with anxiety disorders are especially sensitive to caffeine's effects. Try switching your afternoon coffee to herbal tea (chamomile has mild calming properties) and see how you feel after a week.

5. Write It Down — Journaling for Anxiety

Journaling isn't just for teenagers with diaries. Research from the University of Rochester Medical Center shows that writing about your worries helps your brain process emotions and reduces their intensity over time.

Try this simple prompt when anxiety hits: "What am I worried about right now, and what's the realistic worst-case scenario?" Putting fears into words makes them feel smaller and more manageable. Even 10 minutes of free writing before bed can dramatically improve sleep quality in anxious people.

6. Cold Water on Your Face (Dive Reflex)

This one sounds odd but it's backed by real physiology. Splashing cold water on your face (or holding a bag of cold water against it) triggers the 'dive reflex' — a biological response that slows your heart rate and calms your nervous system almost instantly.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), a therapy approach developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan, uses this technique specifically for managing intense emotional distress. It's simple, free, and works within seconds.

7. Prioritize Sleep Like Your Mental Health Depends on It (It Does)

Anxiety and poor sleep have a vicious relationshipanxiety disrupts sleep, and sleep deprivation makes anxiety worse. Research from UC Berkeley showed that a single sleepless night can increase anxiety levels by up to 30%.

The NHS and CDC both recommend 7–9 hours of sleep per night for adults. To improve sleep quality: keep a consistent bedtime, avoid screens 30 minutes before bed, and keep your bedroom cool and dark. These small changes compound quickly.

8. Talk to Someone You Trust

Social connection is one of the most powerful buffers against anxiety, and it's one of the most underused. Research published in Psychological Science found that simply talking through your fears with a trusted person can reduce the brain's amygdala response — the part responsible for triggering anxiety.

You don't need to solve anything. Just sharing what you're going through with someone who listens without judgment can lighten the mental load significantly. If you don't have someone you feel comfortable with, consider a therapist or an online support community.

9. Reduce Your News and Social Media Intake

Constant exposure to negative news and social media comparison is a proven anxiety trigger. A 2022 study in Health Communication found that excessive news consumption was directly linked to increased mental distress, anxiety, and feelings of helplessness.

Try a 'news window' — set a specific 20-minute slot each day to check the news, and avoid it outside that time. Delete or mute social media apps from your phone home screen. Small friction can break the scroll habit and reduce your background anxiety more than you'd expect.

10. Try Magnesium (The Relaxation Mineral)

Magnesium is often called the 'relaxation mineral' — and for good reason. Studies show that magnesium deficiency is linked to increased anxiety and heightened stress responses. A 2017 review in Nutrients found that magnesium supplementation had a positive effect on anxiety in people who were deficient.

Before reaching for supplements, try increasing magnesium-rich foods in your diet: dark leafy greens, almonds, pumpkin seeds, dark chocolate, and bananas. Always check with your doctor before starting any supplement.

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Living with Depression: Can an ESA Letter Actually Make a Difference?

Depression can affect every part of daily life, from maintaining routines to managing relationships and responsibilities. For some individuals, emotional support animals provide a sense of comfort, stability, and companionship that helps ease those struggles. This is where ESA letters come into the picture, allowing people to keep their support animals even in housing with strict pet policies.

Lately, many people are turning to online platforms like My ESA Therapist to get evaluated by licensed professionals through telehealth. While this makes the process more accessible, it also raises questions about how effective and legitimate these evaluations are for individuals dealing with depression. Is the process thorough enough to truly understand someone’s mental health needs?

If you’ve experienced depression and considered or obtained an ESA letter, how did it impact your life? Did having an emotional support animal help you cope better on a daily basis? And if you used a service like My ESA Therapist, how was your overall experience—from evaluation to landlord acceptance?

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Back to the playground #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #Relationships #FamilyAndFriends #Faith #Christianity #MentalHealth

As I drove to church this morning a powerful memory came to mind. About 15 years ago a guy at church came up to me and said, “I have no idea if this will make any sense to you but God has repeatedly said me, “God is going to take you back to the playground”. He was very tentative and a bit nervous.

He asked, “Does that make sense to you?” He was shocked and relieved when I said it made perfect sense. The guy was a leader in our church and are man I trusted so I explained what it meant.

Being born in the 60’s meant photos were expensive and not taken often. I have a photo of me aged 3, in a playground with a beaming smile. I was a very happy kid then.

Photos taken from age 4 onwards show a different child. They show a child who is carrying something of pain. I was 4 years old when my Dad first molested me. The abused child was very different to the playground child.

After receiving the message from that guy it took a lot of therapy and prayer but God did indeed restore the simple joy and sense of wonder of the child in the playground.

It didn’t happen quickly or instantly. The things I learnt in that process were valuable and transforming lessons. I am so grateful that guy was obedient to deliver a message that made no sense to him and I am grateful for God taking me by the hand and leading me gently back to the playground.

He will do the same for you if you ask.

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I’m new here!

Hi, my name is tmwake. I'm here because I was in a 5yr relationship (marriage) where I seriously thought I had met my soul mate! Turns out he was extremely narcissistic and didn’t realize the extent of just how bad until I was able to finally leave and come home from Wyoming & read up on it. My marriage in the end (the last year) of it was not only mentally & emotionally abusive but also physically. I know I need counseling, therapy something to bring me out of the trauma I’d endured however, my problem is I fear that once I find a therapist or whatever I’m gonna get 3-6mons into progression and they’re going to leave. Take a new job, move or whatever. I fear this because before I met my last therapist I had 4 before her that I had been switched too because either they moved, accepted another position etc. Same happened with my mental health professional that prescribes my antidepressants. I had 3 before her. When she left tho she started her own practice & there were a few of her clients she was taking with her & I was one of them, THANK THE LORD! Anyway, I thought maybe this may be a starting point I guess to start healing as I’ve never felt or been thru the kind of issues I guess I created, to deal with the situation I was in. For example, disassociation, hypervigilance, emotional numbness etc. I know I’m not crazy even tho he made me feel crazy due to reactive abuse. However, I now know it wasn’t me. Anyway, that’s the short version and rundown of my story. Thanks for listening/reading my post. TMWake

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD

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I’m new here!

Hi, my name is DFern17. I'm here because I want to learn more about myself and my Partner. I have ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, Periodic insomnia, Trich (hair pulling madness), Processing disorders, and Borderline Personality Disorder. my wife has ADHD, PTSD, Depression, and is on the Autism Spectrum. I’m worried about how my disorders are affecting my relationship with my wife… we’ve discussed divorce once and she decided to stay. I’ve been doing my best to work on myself. I’m learning to stay grounded, and stay calm during high stress situations. I’m hoping that I can get some insight into what might help me continue to improve in my behavior, while making sure my wife is more comfortable as well.

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PTSD #ADHD

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Facebook can be great. Then there are days like today.

I posted something that people angrily disagreed with. One said "get a job!" Boy golly that was a good laugh. I mean you've never taken the time to learn anything about me so these gross assumptions are...
Well, at the very least, they're entertaining.
Now that I'm done laughing, nows time for a reality check.
* I am disabled. I've been legally disabled for 6 years.
*There is no cure. I'm going blind. And my bones are getting progressively worse so someday I'll be in a wheel Chair.
*I've also got hip deformities and a lot of structural damage
*If I could just get a job and work like an ordinary person I would fucking do that. I don't get a choice.
Last.
Someone made a vague pointed comment about my character. I've posted in here a few times per day for oh gosh it's gotta be close to a year now. My biggest topic is physical health. It's big. It's scary. And my wife doesn't have the emotional maturity to handle it due to alexathymia. I just need someone to reach out and actually talk to me.
And of course she reminded me that we're polyamorous, I can seek additional partners. I think all I want is a QPP. I have a long distance QPP who I miss terribly. I need supportive partners who won't be upset with a semi romantic non physically intimate relationship with me.
I'm a very loving guy with a heart too big for my pants. I love #coffeeadventures especially flavored coffee and #foodadventures Tonight we might be making cheesy garlic cloud bread. And I have a special place in my heart for comic books and fictional novels with big adult sexuality themes, especially characters that break the 4th wall like Deadpool, Ludo, and venom.
I've always been a simple boy. Comic books, cookies, thermos full of coffee, semi sunny day, sitting in the shade of a nice tree. That's my kind of low-key date I'd want to go on. Or going to an animal shelter and giving some enrichment to a few good puppies.
I want to pull together kinksters to play Munchkin or exploding kittens.

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Boundaries #Depression #Anxiety #Relationships #FamilyAndFriends #MentalHealth

My Mother in law is a text book narcissist. Her husband once said to my daughter that “his life was a living hell”. After he died she left Sydney without warning to be closer to her siblings. After this her siblings would phone us and accuse us of financially taking advantage her. We tried to explain she was living in a home we purchased, rent free.
That we were giving her significant direct financial assistance. They didn’t believe us.

Since then her siblings have advised us she has borrowed in excess of $100,000 off them, all of which has gone to romance scams. She even sent large amounts of money to “Hollywood star Liam Neesom” because he was coming on his private jet to marry her.

Last year her siblings reached out and apologised for believing the lies said about us and asked for our help in relocating her as they were tired of her abuse and lies.

Turns out she has been living there rent free for ten years. She has been uncooperative since we started the process of finding her alternative accommodation. We are offering to help her financially but still she won’t do anything. So tonight I told her my assistance was paused until she started working with us and not against us.

That might sound harsh but somehow we need to get her attention. It goes against my nature to be harsh but for my Wife’s sanity and the wider family I must draw this line. #l

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