Relationships

She said to me go away and take this love, and she blocked me. There were a very important day I wanted her to be with me. But she blocked me before that, it was her 100’s time to block me. I couldn’t forgive her because I told her from first times we met that blocking is not good. I have allowed her to break me. She promised to replace me out of anger, I couldn’t understand her anger as she said that I have to understand it. She kept telling me that I don’t know how to treat women, I used to treat her like a queen and I used to travel long distance for her, and last time I did this, she told me I can do all that on my own. Which makes me to understand that I was not enough. She was treating me like shit but I never noticed that untill she blocked me on my birthday. I went to her birthday and I wanted to make her feel special and I think I did, even though before that she wrote a lot of things like she wish she never met me, she wish to not see me even after this world. She was downgrading me, all this happen after she rejected a marriage offer. That I couldn’t offer again which makes it worse. It was just a toxic relationship. I was stupid because she was my first. And I trusted her with my heart and I told her everything that could cause me problems and she did all of that, all of it. Everything I told her might break me she did it all. Even the last time she block me and said go away with your love and one day after my birthday, she met a random guy in the train and she give him her number. After that she admit what she did was cheap act of her, she also told me that she regret leaving me many times. But I can’t believe her anymore. And at the end I also wish I never met her. At the end she also showed me as a bad person to her family. And she keep saying that I show her as bad guy. The only thing I do is I say what she did and it hurt me. And the only thing she do is to humiliate me and make me feel like I’m nothing. She didn’t deserve anything I did for her, but I don’t regret anything, I just want to say that this relationship cause me to keep taking medication and pay more money just to feel fine. And what she did, is that she never been there for me. She never support me emotionally, even though she was good at the beginning but all that was fake. And I told her after everything she told me that she does not know how to keep a man. Anyway thanks to her treatment I cry everyday twice morning and evening, she come to my nightmares, which is the worst thing she left in me. She left in the most important time of my life, the time I needed her the most, I blocked her and I left. She send me a voicemail thanking me for loving her and I told her it’s an end as she asked. Even though I’m crying now and I feel alone, because I can’t endure this days alone. But it’s okay, I’m thankful to God for everything happen to me and I know someday I have to forgive her for myself, she also did good things but I don’t believe it anymore, because before my birthday she kept telling about a gift and and so many things and I didn’t even see her. And I just wanted her to be there, and now I’m crying remembering how bad she treated me. She even used a story I told her from my past against me. And here I learned to not tell anyone about my past and not to tell what could hurt me or who hurt me. She even make me feel bad because I go to therapist and she said “I’m my own therapist”, but I think she need it more because she has problems not only me. I told my therapist everything about her and told me a lot that helped me to manage. But if there is judgement day I want her to be judged. But I don’t wish her anything bad at all, I just hated her. She take something from me was not meant to be for her. But I allowed it and here I am.. crying.. not for the lost but for the pain left in me. I used to say I love you even when she hurt me and I always thought I’m bad because she always say to me that everything she do is a reflection of my actions. I said sorry even when I have right. At the end I want to say to her that same sentence she told me. I wish I never met you as well. I miss my pure soul and the innocent person inside me. I miss being naive. I miss myself. Now I’m more careful person and anxious. Scared of any kind of relationship and just perfer to be alone. I have stopped all kind of joy activities. And she never understood that I’m alone without my family and she makes me feel it even worse. Even though I cry because I’m left alone. But I’m much better without her.she was toxic to me and even if she is here she won’t offer any support but rather telling me things that will put me down and she never understood that these times of my life I just needed her support only I wanted some months and now I’m doing all things on my own. I don’t need her or anyone to support me. She makes me know that I have to be alone and accept it. She was never on my side when I needed her. She always gone. I just hate her. Because she make me feel very bad about myself. I was a good man and now I’m a child crying. But what I can do, I accept and I move. Here I am in my office alone and crying. Does she care? No! Did she ever care? No! And yes I also wish I never met her, I was stronger than now.
#Depression

Hi, my name is Smokeyblue. I've been diagnosed with ADHD and need to know its relationship with Autism.

#MightyTogether #ADHD

I am having a really hard day.

My partner and I have worked really hard to overcome our traumas and our damaging behaviors and have been working on cultivating a healthy relationship. We both struggle to communicate with each other in a healthy way when we're upset, but we have worked really hard to overcome that and begin to change our habits. Things have been really good for a long time, but yesterday was a hard day for us. We are going through a big life change (getting married and moving far away from our families) and it is bringing up a lot of stress, so yesterday we kept finding ourselves getting frustrated and upset, but kept trying to handle it the way we've learned to in couples therapy. And then we hit our tipping point I guess. He slipped into his old behaviors, and then so did I. Now today we aren't talking at all. I feel heartbroken and so angry and so hurt and hopeless. Like is this going to keep happening for the rest of our lives? I'm feeling so upset right now and have been praying to God all day, and just doing my best to keep moving forward and take care of myself, but I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.

When I feel rejected by my partner, the way I feel right now, it's like my heart turns to stone and I feel so full of hatred and anger and want to lash out and say horrible things to him. I keep praying that God will soften my heart and take away this poison inside of me. I don't want to feel so angry. I don't want to ruminate on all of his flaws. I just want to feel peace and compassion and I want my partner to show me he loves me and cares about me.

Thank you for reading this and if you can offer any words of encouragement and support, I would really appreciate that.

#MentalHealth #Depression #Relationships

Here are some journal prompts for self-discovery:

# Reflection and Identity

1. What are your core values, and are you living in alignment with them?

2. Describe your perfect day. What does it reveal about your desires and priorities?

3. What are your strengths and weaknesses, and how do they impact your life?

4. Write about a challenging experience that shaped who you are today.

5. What does self-care mean to you, and how do you prioritize it?

# Emotions and Mindset

1. What emotions do you struggle with the most, and how do you manage them?

2. Describe a time when you felt truly happy and fulfilled. What were you doing?

3. What negative self-talk patterns do you notice in yourself, and how can you reframe them?

4. Write about a situation where you felt anxious or overwhelmed. What did you learn from it?

5. What self-compassion practices can you incorporate into your daily life?

# Goals and Aspirations

1. What are your long-term goals, and what small steps can you take today to move closer to achieving them?

2. Describe your ideal career or lifestyle. What steps can you take to make it a reality?

3. What skills or knowledge do you want to acquire in the next year?

4. Write about a time when you felt a sense of purpose or meaning. What were you doing?

5. What's one thing you've always wanted to try but have been too afraid to attempt?

# Relationships and Boundaries

1. What are your non-negotiables in relationships?

2. Describe a healthy boundary you've set in a relationship. How did it impact the dynamic?

3. What toxic patterns have you noticed in your relationships, and how can you break free from them?

4. Write about a time when you felt seen and heard in a relationship. What did the other person do to make you feel that way?

5. What self-boundaries do you need to establish to prioritize your own needs?

# Personal Growth and Forgiveness

1. What's one area of your life where you feel stuck, and what's holding you back?

2. Describe a time when you forgave yourself or someone else. What did you learn from the experience?

3. What self-limiting beliefs do you hold, and how can you challenge them?

4. Write about a difficult experience that you're still processing. What insights have you gained from it?

5. What's one thing you can let go of to move forward and grow?

Remember, journaling is a personal and individual experience. Feel free to modify or abandon these prompts as you see fit. The most important thing is to listen to your inner voice and explore your thoughts and emotions honestly.

I believe that there is a relationship between ADHD and childhood trama.