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A dream within a dream #Grief #parentalloss

I am a lucid dream and it’s uncontrollable. I don’t sleep well #ADHD and when I have these “dream within a dream” they are so challenging and emotional. I don’t get it.

I dream, initially, that my Mom wanted nothing to do with me—I assume a way for my brain to deal with her death is feeling abandoned. (I feel like she gave up but I know she didn’t. There is evidence for both beliefs.)

I spent 18-24months after my Mother died having this progressive dream of her having returned but hardly interacting with me. I even had to watch her die again but did get to say goodbye. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. This was 2012-13. She died December 2011.

All I wanna do is cry, like ugly, snot nose gross cry but I have responsibilities that currently prevent me from just sitting with my emotions and body. #AnxietyAttack #Dream #reparenting

Being a parent who has lost their parent who has children too make life so emotionally challenging. Somehow I do it. #ADHD ‘s object permanence issues, I think, allow me to ignore it since I’ve changed location and association.

I’m not sure I even understand what I’m saying.

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My doctor Re-Parented Me! CPTSD 2 of 2

She gave me writing and reading assignments as well as by showing me compassion herself, on how I can give myself compassion. She worked tirelessly to help me change my self critical thoughts, my endless ruminating, my loops of unhelpful emotions leading to unhelpful thoughts leading to unhelpful behavior leading to more unhelpful thoughts. She helped me recognize my extremely unstable sense of self. This is still a huge issue, but I’m making big gains on it. My sense of self is constantly waning and waxing depending on my outside circumstances. She continues to gently point this out to me, so that I was able to see it. So far I am aware of it, and have been working on my sense of innate self worth and self-compassion, but I still get blown over by people’s opinion’s and treatment of me. I am working on being more consistent in my progress in my therapy goals, instead of letting my younger angry parts destroy my progress. I am learning to validate myself, like Dr Solderich has done for so many years now. To meet my own needs now. I am learning to pull myself out of my emotional storms and to be present with my uncomfortable emotions. To feel them. To accept them. And to choose to move through them because it’s in my best interest, which is a very adult thing to do. I wasn’t at all an adult when I started therapy. I was very much a 50 so year old stuck in a child’s body, acting out, and throwing tantrums. When I met Dr Solderich, I still broke things, destroyed property, hurt myself, was suicidal at times, yelled, cussed, got in people’s faces, shoved people at the grocery store and at public venues, punched security guards, got thrown out of places, was institutionalized every couple months, did not know how to act, how to follow rules, how to take responsibility for myself or how to begin to live life. I had no emotional intelligence at all, and no ability to process any emotions-positive or negative. It is only since starting therapy and since Dr Solderich started with building a trusting therapeutic relationship with me, that I have been able to learn these basic abilities that I did not grow up with. She also persuaded me to address my mental health issues, which I was reluctant to address, which seems to have been necessary, at times in order for me to be stable enough to undertake this other important work. Basically, now, I can start doing for myself all the things that Dr Solderich taught me to do just like what she has been doing for me. She re-parented me, now it’s my job to become my own good parent, and start the process of becoming my own wiser (inner-parenting) self. #CPTSD #reparenting ##innerchild #disregulation #emotionalstorm #Therapy

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How To Reparent Your Inner Underdog Child

1) Tell them they aren't obligated to prove themselves to anyone anymore.

2) Show them you are supportive of them regardless of their level of achievement.

3) Assure and show your Inner Child Underdog Child it's ok to pursue activities strictly for fun!

4) Show them your love for them is unconditional regardless of what their future holds.

#Parents #innerchild #Healing #Trauma #reparenting #newthought #Selfcompassion #radicalselflove #underdog #ShadowWork




It's taken me a very long time to understand the basics of what Borderline Personality Disorder is and a great deal longer what to do about it. Clinicians themselves are shockingly under informed or uneducated on it, and even less know complete and competent therapies other than to say "DBT", but can't quite articulate why you need it or how it'll help you specifically.

Apparently, one VERY important part of BPD is many of us experience trauma at a very young age by someone we trust and rely on for our needs like a parent or care taker.

I'm not up on all the effects this has yet, but, one is that it arrests our development and emotional intelligence, and that part of us is "stuck" there. This can happen over and over at different times until we are dysfunctional and suddenly cannot take very good care of ourselves as adults.

There's a lot going on here, but one big thing to remember is that inside all of us is an inner child and when people with BPD grow up, they probably emotionally matured way sooner than appropriate, and called names such as "little adults" due to trauma.

One way to heal this trauma is to work on your emotional intelligence by healing the inner child. But, how does one even begin to pursue that?!

There is no set way, but the goal is to teach yourself how to adult on your own, basically. One combination is literally reading self help books on subjects such as emotional abuse and how it is never the victims fault and explains why abusers operate the way they do while simultaneously reading about what is called "reparenting".

Reparenting is exactly what it sounds like: you are going to parent yourself all over again. This is a necessary part of healing from BPD, bc often we were merely extensions of our abusers and do not know ourselves or have boundaries. Our lives are dysfunctional no matter how hard we strive. Its because we usually were not taught life, survival, or independence skills. We learned to serve.

Reparenting can take many forms. Parenting books, independent living skill services, skill building, learning to love yourself as a parent, and so on. People can become very creative with it. What is important is growing out of merely existing and thriving for ourselves.

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We're building a life that is ours

Just posting little inspiring things which might inspire you too 😊 #innerchild #hearthealing #reparenting