self-compassion

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    What is self compassion?

    #Selfcompassion

    Self-compassion is extending compassion to one's self in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering. Kristin Neff has defined self-compassion as being composed of three main elements – self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.

    Self-kindness: Self-compassion entails being warm towards oneself when encountering pain and personal shortcomings, rather than ignoring them or hurting oneself with self-criticism.

    Common humanity: Self-compassion also involves recognizing that suffering and personal failure is part of the shared human experience rather than isolating.

    Mindfulness: Self-compassion requires taking a balanced approach to one's negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated. Negative thoughts and emotions are observed with openness, so that they are held in mindful awareness. Mindfulness is a non-judgmental, receptive mind state in which individuals observe their thoughts and feelings as they are, without trying to suppress or deny them.

    Conversely, mindfulness requires that one not be "over-identified" with mental or emotional phenomena, so that one suffers aversive reactions. This latter type of response involves narrowly focusing and ruminating on one's negative emotions.

    Self-compassion in some ways resembles Carl Rogers' notion of "unconditional positive regard" applied both towards clients and oneself; Albert Ellis' "unconditional self-acceptance"; Maryhelen Snyder's notion of an "internal empathizer" that explored one's own experience with "curiosity and compassion"; Ann Weiser Cornell's notion of a gentle, allowing relationship with all parts of one's being; and Judith Jordan's concept of self-empathy, which implies acceptance, care and empathy towards the self.

    You can refer to this:

    resiliens.com/resilify/program/self-compassion

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    Childhood Trauma Being Faced #ChildhoodAbuse #CPTSD #PTSD

    I have faced an internal fear that stemmed from a childhood abuse incident that occurred over fifty years ago. Yesterday, I recorded my fears, cried a lot, and realized I can face this new season as a new experience that has not been birthed in that old memory. New memories are being created in my life. And I do not have to reflect on that old abusive incident whenever I face this topic.

    You folks are those teaching me such new skills! You share your experience and your knowledge even when writing from a state of pain. And you cannot believe how you have impacted my life. You folks are exactly what this app is called, #TheMighty !!! Thank you!

    #Selfcare #Selfcompassion

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    Self compassion in practice

    #Selfcompassion

    Self-compassion is extending compassion to one's self in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering. Kristin Neff has defined self-compassion as being composed of three main elements – self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.

    -Self-kindness: Self-compassion entails being warm towards oneself when encountering pain and personal shortcomings, rather than ignoring them or hurting oneself with self-criticism.

    -Common humanity: Self-compassion also involves recognizing that suffering and personal failure is part of the shared human experience rather than isolating.

    -Mindfulness: Self-compassion requires taking a balanced approach to one's negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated. Negative thoughts and emotions are observed with openness, so that they are held in mindful awareness. Mindfulness is a non-judgmental, receptive mind state in which individuals observe their thoughts and feelings as they are, without trying to suppress or deny them.

    Conversely, mindfulness requires that one not be "over-identified" with mental or emotional phenomena, so that one suffers aversive reactions. This latter type of response involves narrowly focusing and ruminating on one's negative emotions.

    Self-compassion in some ways resembles Carl Rogers' notion of "unconditional positive regard" applied both towards clients and oneself; Albert Ellis' "unconditional self-acceptance"; Maryhelen Snyder's notion of an "internal empathizer" that explored one's own experience with "curiosity and compassion"; Ann Weiser Cornell's notion of a gentle, allowing relationship with all parts of one's being; and Judith Jordan's concept of self-empathy, which implies acceptance, care and empathy towards the self.

    You can refer to this:

    resiliens.com/resilify/program/self-compassion

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    How to sit with your emotions

    #Selfcompassion

    Here are 5 steps to guide you through how to sit with your emotions and process them without avoiding them or making yourself feel worse:

    1. Acknowledge that you are feeling something

    The first step is just to simply acknowledge that you are feeling something. If you have gotten so used to avoiding your emotions, then you may not even be aware that you are feeling something.

    This first step is about slowing things down and noticing that you feel off, even if you can’t figure out why you may be feeling this way.

    2. Name and identify the feeling

    Once you have acknowledged that you are feeling something, the next step is to try to name your emotional experience. Sometimes it can be hard to figure out what you are feeling, so it can be helpful to start off smaller and broader, such as identifying if the emotion feels good, bad, or neutral.

    With practice, you can get better at being more specific when identifying your emotions.

    3. Observe where you are feeling it and what it feels like

    Your body is constantly giving you signals about what is going on internally and how you feel. Different parts of your body will react in accordance to your different emotions.

    For example, many people will describe anxiety as their stomach feeling like it’s in knots, constriction of the chest, shortness of breath, etc. Different emotions have corresponding bodily reactions.

    4. Breathe

    Just sit with your emotion. When you do notice a physical sensation or an emotion, just breathe. Don’t do anything. Don’t try to change the feeling, make it go away, or talk yourself out of the emotion. Just breathe.

    Bring your attention to the physical sensation in your body and approach them with curiosity. This helps you to further explore the feeling.

    Does the feeling change as you pay attention to it? Maybe you notice another sensation you weren’t aware of before.

    Remember that the feeling won’t last forever. Some research shows that the average time we feel an emotion is only 90 seconds before it begins to change and dissipate.

    5. Self-compassion

    Tell yourself that it is okay for you to feel your emotion. Also remind yourself that it is hard to sit with emotions. Don’t be too hard on yourself, if you find it difficult to do or feel like you aren’t doing it right.

    Take care of yourself like you would a friend or a child. Feeling and sitting with your emotion is a skill that takes practice, so be patient with it. Don’t judge yourself for having these feelings or for not being able to make sense of your feelings.

    You can refer to this:

    resiliens.com/resilify/program/self-compassion

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    Days Before School Time: 🫣 or 😁??? #Fear #Anxiety or #Excitement #Confidence

    I am a few days away from starting a required mathematical logics course. When I think of the subject matter, 😯, my heart flutters. But as I focus on today while resting and watching old Poirot mysteries, I simply smile at the fact that another level of my schooling begins soon.

    Next week at this time, I WILL have homework or some class related thoughts filling my mind. However, today, days before this start date, I CAN rest, watch, and enjoy this day without any distractions thwarting my thoughts. So, I guess today’s emoji of choice will be the latter: 😁! I’m not living tomorrow or the day after, right now. Instead, I am living today, and can only live one minute at a time during this free day.

    #TheMighty #Selfcare #Selfcompassion

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    Compassionate mind: engagement and alleviation

    #Selfcompassion

    Components of Compassion from the Care Giving Mentality

    -Sensitivity

    -Sympathy

    -Distress tolerance

    -Empathy

    -Care for well being

    -Non­judgement

    Care for Well­being: This involves a motivation to be caring of other’s distress and also to promote their well­being. It captures the Buddhist notion of motivated concern. We can direct these desires to all living things and the environment. When directed at the self, the self becomes focused on genuine desires to nurture the self. Caring for the self is about looking after and is rather different to the more competitive goal of promoting the self for competitive advantage.

    Distress and Need Sensitivity: This involves a capacity to be sensitive to the nature and complexity of distress; to be able to read emotion cues and have an awareness of distress. It also involves the emotional ability to be sensitive to other people’s needs and requirements that will help them prosper. When directed at the self it involves the ability to be sensitive to one’s own distress and needs, rather than condemning, ignoring or avoiding them.

    Sympathy: Sympathy is the ability to be emotionally moved by both the distress and the joys of other people. Some people with psychopathic difficulties can be empathic and even distress sensitive, but emotionally cold to these sensitivities. We can lose feelings of sympathy for others or for the harm we do them if we see them as threats to ourselves.

    Sympathy for the pain of our friends is easier than for our enemies and indeed seeing our enemies suffer may be felt positively. One reason for this is because too much sympathy (when we need to defend ourselves or only focus on our own self interests) could stop us taking protective actions. So we can see that when threatened our brains may actual turn off the ‘sympathy module’. Sympathy to self is the ability to be emotionally moved by the suffering of one’s own life, rather than dissociated for it.

    Distress Tolerance: Research has shown that we can at times feel overwhelmed by the distress of others, become distressed ourselves and feel that there is nothing we can do to help. We become unable to tolerate their distress because of what it stimulates in ourselves. These are unpleasant feelings that we might try to avoid. As some might say “I can’t watch the news as it is just too upsetting.” The ability to stay with (rather than turn away from), tolerate and think about the distress of others is an important element of compassion.

    Also the level of distress, if we really thought about things, could be just to overwhelming. For example in 2006 The Lancet estimated that 650,000 had died in the Iraq world. To stop and think about or find out and truly enter into the suffering of each one of those deaths cause would be overwhelming – so we do not think too deeply about them. Compassion then requires that we are able to tolerate distress but not be so overwhelmed that we simply switch off.

    Empathy: Empathy involves emotional resonance with the other, trying to put ones self in their shoes, feeling and thinking in a similar way but also with cognitive awareness about the reasons for others peoples’ behavior, intentions, feelings and motivations. This is related to theory of mind. It is related to ‘understanding the reasons for...’ It is the opposite of projection. Genuine empathy allows insight into what is helpful and healing and is the foundation of wisdom. Because it is in some sense ‘knowledge’ based, it provides the framework for what Buddhist psychology calls skilful action.

    Non­Judgment: Non­judgment is the ability to engage with the complexities of people’s (and our own) emotions and lives without condemningly judging them. Focusing on the processes of knowledgeable empathy can help non­judgment. For example, we know we are created via a combination of our genes, learning experiences and social contexts.

    You can refer to this:

    resiliens.com/resilify/program/self-compassion

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    Ways to practice self compassion

    #Selfcompassion

    Compassion is the ability to show empathy, love, and concern to people who are in difficulty, and self-compassion is simply the ability to direct these same emotions within, and accept oneself, particularly in the face of failure. Many otherwise compassionate people have a harder time showing compassion for themselves, sometimes out of a fear of engaging in self-indulgence or self-pity, but an inability to accept areas of weakness may lead to difficulty achieving emotional well-being.

    Studies show that women in the United States typically show less compassion to themselves than men do. This may be partially due to the fact that women are often societally assigned the role of caregiver, with gender norms emphasizing nurturing, self-sacrificing acts.

    Kristin Neff, a self-compassion researcher and the first to define the term academically, describes self-compassion as having three elements.

    -Self-kindness, or refraining from harsh criticism of the self.

    -Recognizing one's own humanity, or the fact that all people are imperfect and all people experience pain.

    -Mindfulness, or maintaining a non-biased awareness of experiences, even those that are painful, rather than either ignoring or exaggerating their effect.

    You can refer to this:

    resiliens.com/resilify/program/self-compassion

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    The 5 myths of self compassion

    #Selfcompassion

    Myth 1: Self-compassion is a form of self-pity

    One of the biggest myths about self-compassion is that it means feeling sorry for yourself. In fact, self-compassion is an antidote to self-pity and the tendency to whine about our bad luck. This isn’t because self-compassion allows you to tune out the bad stuff—in fact, it makes us more willing to accept, experience, and acknowledge difficult feelings with kindness, which paradoxically helps us process and let go of them more fully.

    Research shows that self-compassionate people are less likely to get swallowed up by self-pitying thoughts about how bad things are. Instead of feeling poor me, there’s the simple recognition that life is difficult for everyone, including me. We can accept our struggle as normal and feel connected to others in our pain, at the same time that we commit to emotionally supportiving ourselves. That’s one of the reasons self-compassionate people have better mental health.

    Myth 2: Self-compassion means weakness

    John had always considered himself a pillar of strength—an ideal husband, an excellent high school math teacher and provider. So he was devastated when his wife left him for another man. Secretly racked with guilt for not doing more to meet his wife’s emotional needs before she sought comfort in someone else’s arms, he didn’t want to admit how hurt he still felt and how hard it was for him to move on with his life.

    When John’s colleague suggested that he try being compassionate to himself about his divorce, his reaction was swift: “Don’t give me that hearts and flowers stuff. I had to be hard as nails to get through the divorce with some semblance of self-respect, and I’m not about to let my guard down now.”

    Myth 3: Self-compassion will make me complacent

    Perhaps the biggest block to self-compassion is the belief that it will undermine our motivation to push ourselves to do better. The idea is that if we don’t criticize ourselves for failing to live up to our standards, we’ll automatically succumb to slothful defeatism. But let’s think for a moment about how educators successfully motivate their students.

    When a student receives a failing grade on a test even after studying, the teacher could look disgusted and hiss, “Stupid loser. You’ll never amount to anything. I’m ashamed of you.” (Makes you cringe doesn’t it? Yet that’s exactly the type of thing we tell ourselves when we fail to meet our own high expectations.) Educators don’t do this because they know a torrent of shame will just make students lose faith in themselves and eventually stop trying altogether.

    Myth 4: Self-compassion is narcissistic

    In American culture, high self-esteem requires standing out in a crowd—being special and above average. How do you feel when someone calls you an average teacher, average parent, or says your intelligence is average? Ouch! The problem, of course, is that, Garrison Keillor’s Lake Woebegone not withstanding, it’s impossible for everyone to be above average at the same time.

    While there may be some areas in which we excel, there’s always someone more attractive, successful, and intelligent than we are, meaning we feel like failures whenever we compare our selves to those “better” than ourselves.

    Myth 5: Self-compassion is selfish

    Many people are suspicious of self-compassion because they conflate it with selfishness. Rachel, for instance, spends her days caring for her students, her evenings prepping for class and caring for her family, and her weekends volunteering for the two charities she supports.

    Raised in a family that emphasized the importance of service to others, she assumes that spending time and energy being kind and caring toward herself would automatically mean neglecting everybody else for her own selfish ends. Indeed, many people are like Rachel in this sense—good, generous, altruistic souls, who are perfectly awful to themselves, all the while thinking this is necessary to their general goodness.

    You can refer to this:

    resiliens.com/resilify/program/self-compassion

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    Key targets of compassion

    #Selfcompassion

    Compassion literally means “to suffer together.” Among emotion researchers, it is defined as the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering.

    Compassion is not the same as empathy or altruism, though the concepts are related. While empathy refers more generally to our ability to take the perspective of and feel the emotions of another person, compassion is when those feelings and thoughts include the desire to help. Altruism, in turn, is the kind, selfless behavior often prompted by feelings of compassion, though one can feel compassion without acting on it, and altruism isn’t always motivated by compassion.

    While cynics may dismiss compassion as touchy-feely or irrational, scientists have started to map the biological basis of compassion, suggesting its deep evolutionary purpose. This research has shown that when we feel compassion, our heart rate slows down, we secrete the “bonding hormone” oxytocin, and regions of the brain linked to empathy, caregiving, and feelings of pleasure light up, which often results in our wanting to approach and care for other people.

    You can refer to this:

    resiliens.com/resilify/program/self-compassion

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    Give yourself a break

    #Selfcompassion

    Self-compassion is simply the process of turning compassion inward. We are kind and understanding rather than harshly self-critical when we fail, make mistakes or feel inadequate. We give ourselves support and encouragement rather than being cold and judgmental when challenges and difficulty arise in our lives. Research indicates that self-compassion is one of the most powerful sources of coping and resilience we have available to us, radically improving our mental and physical wellbeing.

    It motivates us to make changes and reach our goals not because we’re inadequate, but because we care and want to be happy. This website offers information about self-compassion, as well as research, guided practices and a way to test your own self-compassion level. It’s a good place to start on your journey of leaning to be more self-compassionate.

    You can refer to this:

    resiliens.com/resilify/program/self-compassion