seeme

In the Silence Of My Tears
Sometimes when I lay in the midst of the night
I can see the darkest corners of my jagged mind
All the memories from demons past and present
come flooding over me
Nights turn to days … and … days turn to nights
As I lay in the silent embers of my burning tears
He lays next to me, Still I am alone,
in the midst of the night as I silently cry
Why must these demons haunt me eternally,
why am I alone in my tears
If all time is eternally present, how can I escape my demons past
How can I reach my future without maddening frustration,
without silent tears
With time past always in my presence
How can I escape the cold darkness of the aloneness
My sadness deepens with each tear that falls on deaf ears
Still he hears me not, in the stillness of the silence
My past and present collide into one
never ending nightmare of isolation
Is this my destiny
Sometimes when I lay in the midst of the night
I can see the darkest corners of my jagged mind
I scream out in silence through my tear stained face
See me, hear me, I am not invisible
As I lay in the silence of my tears
Wildfire 9/19/20

Out in public we champion others, we are kind and we may even be out going. We get home and we are exhausted from the fibromyalgia pain. From putting ourselves out there. From trying to be our best selves when we listen to other’s problems and nobody asks or cares about ours.

This is how you know it is time for self care. Shut off the electronics. Tell the kids do not touch the bathroom door. (Unless there is a fire. Lol) or if you can afford it book a hotel for 1 night even if it is in town. Take a book and get away. Even with a good friend that needs the same. Get that facial, the massage, pedicure and get some flowers. You deserve it. You are enough. Naturally- you are enough.

All those parents having to teach their kids is a eye-opening experience. I may not be a parent, but I was a child once. Not only was I a child, I was a misdiagnosed child who was claimed as having ADHD and even took medication for it and saw no difference. I still spun in circles, rocked in chairs, hated scratchy clothes that felt like sandpaper. I'd look around at my peers and saw they were miles ahead of me on paperwork while I was just on the 4th question. I felt like I failed my teachers as well as my family. I was diagnosed in 2016 at about 17 years of age. Relief flooded me but I always felt stuck. I found my calling at a young age, art. I couldn't understand school and so it made me have shutdowns after shutdowns. Most kids outlets were socializing but with autism its hard to communicate. My outlet is art and probably will be for a while. Remember to cherish your kids, especially in times of crisis like COVID-19. Who knows what memories they will keep with them for a lifetime. Both need to take frequent breaks from stress when you can, and when your kid won't speak or cries, please realize it may be from frustration and not disobedience. Please realize its hard on us as well, you just have to teach a little differently.
Love ya
-The artist HJH
#Autism #Misdiagnosis #Late#LateDiagnosisASD #COVID19 #keepgoing #artist #seeme #Aspergers #Bekind #HappinessCanBeFoundEvenInTheDarkestOfTimesIfOnlyOneRemembersToTurnOnTheLight

It is OK to see someone else while you passing on the sidewalk or streets, or through a window, you will not get the virus for acknowledging someone else. Even an eye acknowledgment is POWERFUL. Have you heard about smiling with your eyes? or a wave!!! (I am here in this picture with my nonhuman companion MIJA.)
THE WORDS SOCIAL DISTANCING ARE SO WRONG!
IT IS NOT SOCIAL DISTANCING, IT IS PHYSICAL DISTANCING. Allow your light to shine.
WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER! #physicaldistancing #sociallycloserthanever #seeme