severeanxietydisorder

#medicationresistantdepression #severeanxietydisorder #PTSD #Bipolar2Disorder #SexualAssualtSurvivor #lifewithanabusiveparent #FearOfAbandonment #nervousbreakdownrecovery #flyingblind

I live with #Depression #severeanxietydisorder #Bipolar2 I’m writing notes on how to help myself and others cope. Here is a snippet. On #Selflove

Smother yourself in self love - then double the dose.
Whether you realise it yet or not, the way you feel about yourself will set the tone for every other relationship, experience, level of success and happiness in your life. Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world - and that’s when things can get messy for those of us who tend to beat ourselves up mentally. I used to go all 12 rounds all day every day. If you also tend to mentally beat yourself up it’s time to stop. Literally stop right now you are hurting yourself! You need to start loving yourself throughout the chaos, you need to have your own back even if no one else does. Become your own best friend so you don’t need to rely on anyone else to validate your worth. Be so secure within yourself that If someone else decides they love you too it’s just an added bonus. This takes practice. This was a journey for me. But it starts right now.

What to do: In your journal, write down what comes to mind when you think about yourself yourself.
Start writing
“I am.. “ as a sentence starter and repeat it down to the bottom of the page. Now it’s time to fill in the blanks. You have to be honest with yourself. Let it all out. How do you see/feel/think of yourself?

Now read it back. Underline any sentences that are negative. Do they put weight the positive? I think it’s normal for us all to be our own worst critic but there could be some hints in these sentences that can point you in the direction of where you need to work on. For example, I realised I was holding onto so much guilt, hatred and resentment towards myself for hurting my ex boyfriend. I was self sabotaging myself as punishment. I was purposely making sure I did not feel an ounce of happiness because I believed I didn’t deserve it. I had to challenge these beliefs and somehow get passed them. I had to finally show myself 3 key ingredients - love, forgiveness and compassion. Oh and definitely professional help.

I had to accept that I’d made mistakes, that I’d done things I felt utterly ashamed for and I had to be willing to let it go. What good was punishing myself a year later doing anyone? I couldn’t change the past, but I could learn from it. So I turned what I believed to be my biggest “mistake” into my greatest “lesson”. I had to look at issues in my own childhood that helped me understand why I was behaving in a way that I didn’t want to. I understood that I was simply doing my best with my current level of knowledge and understanding of who I was in the world. And so after a year of depression, anxiety, and utter hell, I allowed myself to let it go. To forgive myself. To move on. A weight slowly lifted from my chest. yay, I’m cured I remember thinking. But oh no. This was only the beginning of a long line of lessons, and I’m a slow learner.