severeanxietydisorder

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How Harley Quinn and Carlos de Vil help my Anxiety disorder.

My very first cosplay was Harley Quinn from Suicide Squad. While my mom was still in the building I didn't have to have her walk by my side. I actually felt independent. I may have helped that I was with a childhood friend but I was interacting with people and approaching them for pictures when I am normally a quite mouse. Since then I now make my own cosplays. (3 years now)
I was devastated when actor Cameron Boyce passed away in his sleep due to a seizure. Disney's Descendants is my all time favorite movie and Carlos deVil is my favorite character. Because like me he was a quite mouse in the corner until he found his passion that helped him come out of his shell.
Cosplay has also helped with my depression and brought me from the brink of suicide. I was in a dark place for a short time. But after that one anime con and a long talk with my mother and doctor I realized I am important. I am loved. And it hurts my heart to think that I thought about leaving my loved ones behind. Even my fur baby who also helped me through difficult times.
I am upright to say that I no longer scratch my chest or pull of the corners of my toenails. It has been 5 years since then.

That's my story.
Cosplay not only helps with my anxiety and depression, but I like to think that it saved my life.
#Cosplay #Anxiety #severeanxietydisorder #HarleyQuinn #CarlosdeVil #Disney #dccomics #Descendants #SuicidalThoughts

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I don’t understand what I should do? #Relationships #LongDistanceRelationships #hurtfeelings

I’m in a ldr for about 5 years now and we like broke up after 3 years in that and later go together and yesterday my partner told me that she told about my depression and mental health issues to her family. I don’t understand how should I process it. I’ve never told about it to anyone other than her and she told that to her parents and I’m not angry because she said. I feel sad. I trusted her, I understand that she was in a emotionally weak state when we broke up and had to talk to someone but I cannot bear it that she told her family about my mental health condition.
Note: Where we live it’s kind of a taboo having depression and all. I once tried talking to my parents about this but they shouted at me saying I’m not praying to god enough that’s why I’m having such problems. I was sexually abused as a child and I never told anyone this except her. I can’t process what she did. I don’t know how to react to it. I don’t understand what I should do.
#ChildhoodSexualAbuse #Depression #Bipolar #severeanxietydisorder

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I hope you don’t mind me posting my thoughts here

I live with #Depression #severeanxietydisorder #Bipolar2 I’m writing notes on how to help myself and others cope. Here is a snippet. On #Selflove

Smother yourself in self love - then double the dose.
Whether you realise it yet or not, the way you feel about yourself will set the tone for every other relationship, experience, level of success and happiness in your life. Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world - and that’s when things can get messy for those of us who tend to beat ourselves up mentally. I used to go all 12 rounds all day every day. If you also tend to mentally beat yourself up it’s time to stop. Literally stop right now you are hurting yourself! You need to start loving yourself throughout the chaos, you need to have your own back even if no one else does. Become your own best friend so you don’t need to rely on anyone else to validate your worth. Be so secure within yourself that If someone else decides they love you too it’s just an added bonus. This takes practice. This was a journey for me. But it starts right now.

What to do: In your journal, write down what comes to mind when you think about yourself yourself.
Start writing
“I am.. “ as a sentence starter and repeat it down to the bottom of the page. Now it’s time to fill in the blanks. You have to be honest with yourself. Let it all out. How do you see/feel/think of yourself?

Now read it back. Underline any sentences that are negative. Do they put weight the positive? I think it’s normal for us all to be our own worst critic but there could be some hints in these sentences that can point you in the direction of where you need to work on. For example, I realised I was holding onto so much guilt, hatred and resentment towards myself for hurting my ex boyfriend. I was self sabotaging myself as punishment. I was purposely making sure I did not feel an ounce of happiness because I believed I didn’t deserve it. I had to challenge these beliefs and somehow get passed them. I had to finally show myself 3 key ingredients - love, forgiveness and compassion. Oh and definitely professional help.

I had to accept that I’d made mistakes, that I’d done things I felt utterly ashamed for and I had to be willing to let it go. What good was punishing myself a year later doing anyone? I couldn’t change the past, but I could learn from it. So I turned what I believed to be my biggest “mistake” into my greatest “lesson”. I had to look at issues in my own childhood that helped me understand why I was behaving in a way that I didn’t want to. I understood that I was simply doing my best with my current level of knowledge and understanding of who I was in the world. And so after a year of depression, anxiety, and utter hell, I allowed myself to let it go. To forgive myself. To move on. A weight slowly lifted from my chest. yay, I’m cured I remember thinking. But oh no. This was only the beginning of a long line of lessons, and I’m a slow learner.

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when were things normal?

I can’t seem to remember. I have always had anxiety but I could move past it most of the time. now it see,s https://impossible.i just want to able to be happy for more than an hour at a time. I want to socialize with people without spending days trying to figure out how to get out of it. I want to give my husband the woman he married. #Bipolar2 #severeanxietydisorder #lookingforpeace

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