suisidal

I have had an exhausting year this year.
My 30th birthday may have never existed thanks lockdown.
I have stayed sober by choice on many occasions I would normally drown myself in rum to numb myself from feeling.
Lockdown gave me a mental breakdown which showed me what I could really be capable of.
But now I have almost finished moving house and while physically fighting with my body day to day something new.
I am obese my bmi 50+ so easily suffering heat exhaustion every other day. But I moved further from work and onto a top floor.
So while I know my body is in agony right now. It will become stronger and build stamina until one day I can walk home without pausing to breath and climbing 4 flights without resting.
Just keep going.
At work I fail this but I am pushing myself beyond my limits. Yes my body fails yes its sort of a mental self harm. But its a healthy one.
My asthma has stopped me for long enough.
My weight has held me back long enough.
My mentality of excuses has held me back long enough.
JUST KEEP GOING!
I say this every time I pause for breath.
And each time I stand and I force the pain and exhaustion to listen to me.
So for today
JUST KEEP GOING. #Depression #PTSD #Transman #exhaustion #obese #suisidal #help #Agoraphobia #WeightLoss #Stamina #mantra

Am I alone?
#suisidal #Depression #exhaustion #Anxiety #Trapped #Agoraphobia #Transman #help #Trying