Well, I'm not sure where to begin. Like most of us, I had a very rough childhood..sexual & physical abuse, neglect of every sort, ended up in the foster care system, I've been in psychiatric facilities 5 times since I was 10. The majority of the times I as hospitalized I was 302`d (by adoptive mom) from postpartum psychosis in 2016 twice, once in 2018, and 2019 twice. I don't believe I was born with mental illness. I believe everything I had to endure in my younger years was a formula for development of symptoms coinciding with every single major mental illness..
As a young kid coming from sexual abuse by a male step figure, and being denied by my bio mom about it, I had quite the emotional dysregulation issues. These grew into anger and defiance, impulsivity, low self-esteem etc.. I was raised by foster parents who eventually adopted me. Side note; I have a great dad out of the deal, but my adoptive mom is also abusive & toxic....As young adult, especially being untreated and a new mom..things were pretty unstable for me & my daughter. I moved around a lot. I stayed with previously estranged bio fam.. not the best kind of people, had the wrong kind of friends, my head wasn't in the right places... FYI.. NEVER abusive to my daughter but looking back I could have been borderline neglectful because of my mental illness (giving her a snack, drink & my phone & going back to sleep in the AM). Very regretful. But in 2019, my money-hungry & disgustingly evil adoptive mother abused me physically and verbally for the last time. I tried to leave, she wouldn't let me, and when I could get out she not only took my items but blocked me from taking my at-the-time 3yr old daughter.....
Long story short, my world was shattered for over 13 months of my life living separated from my little human. My heart was broken. I made some of the worst decisions of my life at that time...I fell apart. But also through it all, I fought and fought with all I could with my pro-rated county assistance lawyer. My adoptive mom`s argument was proven with my mental health hospital history...I had to kick my ass in high gear.
I can say from late 2019-currently, I have grew into a much healthier and happier being, by taken my medications and being in blessed with finding my soulmate, my life partner. He is blessed with a great family, and stability..he knows what real love is like.. Something I've never had. He's been able to get me into private therapies, and pushed me back into school! In October 2020, I got Isabella back. All it took was paying my adoptive mom an excessive amount of money, and she left us alone. I was granted full sole custody May 2021 :)
Sometimes I still see pieces of my broken mothers in my mind, their ideals and parenting styles. But I know I am not them, #the way they were taught. I am so much better than who they became, and I am only halfway there. I'm healing, I'm thriving, I finally can see my future..
Actually, I am COMPLETELY different