traumabond

I’m Sorry I’m Blue

Lungs are crushed under the weight of water Born by
All you were created to be
And all that you’ve become instead
Genetics-done or mother’s neglect
And what you’ve chosen
For us
Despite all the love you claim
I can’t accept
That I should drown
So you can breathe
Because if that is love
What’s left for me
And lest I gasp for air and pull your arm
Desperately signaling
This darkness floods
My face
Is wet with so much regret
Decisions made from disillusionment
And deformed bones are just the base for the core malignancies I’ve adorned since

Face goes crimson
Emergency
Deprived of what I need
But you take another drag
And further shrink my human needs
With what you think my needs should be
Which is you
Then ask me not to look so blue
Bc it makes it harder for you to breathe
MY AIR
I guess that’s what i get for jumping ship
Into the sharks
I must be blind
How do I keep mistaking trauma bonds for life
And stable foundations
I once loved the sea
And now I fear it
Much like you
Much like you

Seven years with a narcissist and six months gone and the trauma bond seems like an insurmountable task. Why do I continue to grieve. How do I break the bond. My head tells me to move on. My heart can’t remember the pain.

We cried ourselves a hurricane

We laughed away the rain

We loved ourselves a sunny day

We drizzled out the pain

You’re smile itself is a rainbow

When you frowned the blizzards came

You and I were a thunderstorm

That left as quickly as it came

You live, still, in my mind

Your tornado left debris

The love we made was volcanic

The ash kept it hard to breathe

You loved me for a season

Our pressures were high and low

The monsoon that is you eased up

And took with it our hope

Now when I watch the weather

Im reminded all of you

Your beautiful fury caused a landslide for me

And now you’re someone else’s typhoon
#Trauma #traumabond #Survivor ?