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I have recently been open about my mental health struggles, which has caused my own "support" system/sister and 19 y/o daughter to label me as "dramatic", "crazy", etc. I'm fighting Leukemia alone now, since they were named as my medical proxy and caregiver. On top of my diagnosis, I'm struggling with chemobrain and the short term memory loss and all THAT causes as well. My BPD, Bipolar disorder, and my PTSD (currently getting worse sure to recent traumas on top of traumas, added to attempted murder and rape in 2008) is a big struggle alone so adding in my chronic pain, my chemo resistant body trying to fight Leukemia (for everyone else), I'm feeling extremely alone. My own family is so toxic, uncaring, and selfish that all they care about is what can be done for them. My thoughts and feelings are so hopeless, confusing, angry, sad, all the negative things and all 3 of my mental health people I speak to are changing things. My therapist isn't trained for the severity of my PTSD/Flashbacks. I need extremely specialized trauma therapy that's really only available at the V. A. (I've never been in the military.) So after 2 years of being my therapist, I'm feeling unable to really talk openly. I FINALLY have a psychiatrist after not having one since about December. I was told she was only temporary and I'm getting someone new. I cannot go through my trauma and stuff again. I'm usually the person that sits quietly, waiting for the hour to be over because I can't relive the evil I know exists. So now that I'm getting comfortable with her, I'm being assigned to someone else. Last, my case manager who I'm FINALLY good with, he came to tell me about my psychiatrist, ALSO that I'm getting a new case manager next week.
I'm struggling as it is, so for my daughter who is compassionate to everyone else to be treating me this way, while I don't have anyone to talk to that I trust is upsetting. To put it nicely. How do I even talk to her? For perspective, I'm not allowed to get the covid vaccine because it is too dangerous for me. My oncologist is on record, saying it could kill me. My daughter works in public and absolutely REFUSED to be vaccinated, until she decided to fly to see friends. Since one of them has a baby in the home, she was immediately vaxxed so she could visit the friend.
#help #whatshouldido #Depression #Leukemia #nohelp #Nohope #Imnotcrazy #PTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder
