I have grown up in a family that believes in forgiving, seeing the good in people, and putting others before ourselves. We try to see every situation from a place of understanding and empathy. The values I've grown up with are in stark contrast to my husband's upbringing. His family is vengeful, egoistic and the most unforgiving people I've come across.
So whenever we get into an argument, my husband gives me ultimatums like "unless you agree to what I say, things will never get better." He likes to think that everything is my fault and that he or his parents can never be wrong.
The last fight we had was a month ago. We reached a settlement after which he had to travel abroad for work. After that incident I have been nothing but kind and loving towards him. Despite being in a long distance relationship now, I've tried to express my love for him in whatever way I could. I keep reminding him of our good times and giving him hope for the future. But he is so full of resent even now that he continues being emotionally abusive by ignoring me and dismissing my efforts.
The problem is his toxic family. They keep feeding him lies about me. He was a divorcee before he married me. His family was responsible for breaking his first marriage. I accepted him without judgment and loved him too much that he couldn't believe his luck. He told me this himself. But after his family got involved things have only gotten worse between us.
How can I make him see that the real problem is his toxic family? 😞 Am I to be blamed for spoiling him with my love? What is the correct approach in this situation?
This is myself and my ex (we’ll call him D). D and I dated about 2 years ago for about a year and a half (started in 2019). I gave up EVERYTHING for him. I was in a severe mental state, suffering from PPD, PPA, and PTSD as well as untreated Bipolar 2 and ADHD. My ex fiancé (we will call him M) and I had a child in late 2018. We were living with his toxic family, he had total control over my life, I had no job, no license, no real family to go to, he made me completely isolated. Fast forward to early 2019, I met D a long time before that via a “friend” and we stayed in touch minorly over the years. We really started connecting around late 2018. By the time 2019 hit M had given up on me and his family just became more and more toxic. I started meeting up with D in secret. We would just talk, nothing else. But early 2019 I told M I was in love with D, he didn’t even seem to care. In April I ended up going off the deep end, I wanted to kill myself. So I went to the only family I had left and I stayed there for a few days. Over the course of those few days M broke off our engagement, which hurt at first but wasn’t so bad considering we hadn’t loved one another for years but I knew nothing else and was completely dependent on him, so I stayed. I was homeless at that point, I had gotten a job that I worked 18.5 hours a week at and I was spending my nights in D’s car or on his drunk mothers couch which she started charging me $400 a month for. Finally I got an apartment, sorta. M got full legal custody of our son due to my mental state. I was able to take the bus and Uber to my son and work. D would sometimes drive me. Sometime in early 2020 I moved in with D and COVID hit. I couldn’t see my son due to his family having medical issues. My mom was diagnosed with cancer on my birthday and died exactly 2 months later. I was the only one with her when she died. She was at home, I was taking care of her. Giving her meds, changing her diapers, trying to get her to eat. It was horrible and watching her die was traumatic to say the least. We buried her next to her parents and my aunt and I went through her whole apartment. It was so sad and I didn’t know how to handle that. I started going off the deep end again, hurting myself really badly, getting into petty arguments, shutting out work and my son. I ended up in the hospital. In the parking lot D said to me “if you go in there you’ll never get your son back.” I was so numb I didn’t even care. I did my time and got better but as soon as I came home I was depressed again. I packed up my stuff and moved in with a friend for a few months till I got a place of my own. When I came back up here I got back together with D, but he was just using me for sex. He ghosted me after a few months and started seeing someone else. I was heartbroken. After a few months he told me we didn’t work because I had a son and he never wanted to be a parent. I cried. I had never felt a love like I had with D and to this day I still love him. Fast forward to now, D and his girlfriend broke up a few weeks ago. He had rearranged his whole life to be with her, like I somewhat had with him, and now he was lost. He turned to me for comfort. We have a mutual understanding this time that he is solely using me as a crutch till he can figure himself out. But I’m so torn. I still love him but he doesn’t love me. I was so happy with him, I thought, but now I’m not so sure. He’s lost some of his values that we shared. For example: he’s started taking edibles and I and strictly against getting high due to personal reasons. And he used to agree with me on that. He’s cold and detached but then sometimes he seems like the old D I used to know. I don’t want to separate from him again because I want to help him stop hurting, even for a blip. But it’s toxic to me. I know the right answer is to let him go and move on, but I just can’t. I’m not strong enough. I love him and I hate it. #PTSD #Bipolar2Disorder #PostpartumDepression #PostpartumAnxiety #ADHD #ADHDInGirls #toxiclove #toxicrelationship #Abuse
Wasn't sure if I should post this, but I'm looking for community support. During the last few years I've had to cut some people out of my life. Some of them I was very close with. I know that it's not good to stay in toxic relationships but I don't know how to deal with the complexity of letting someone that I knew well, go. Part of me is sad and feels lonely, like when I cut off my toxic ex-friend. Another part of me feels relieved because I am free of the toxicity. I'm not sure what I feel, perhaps it's sadness. How do you cope with cutting someone off? #toxicrelationship
I recently got out of the hospital for #Depression #Anxiety #SuicidalIdeation . I had an eleven day stay. I just got home last Wednesday. I learned a lot about boundaries and communicating my feelings and needs. I got my medication changed a bit. I left feeling so much better...stronger.
I set up boundaries with my toxic friend, only for him to steal from me. He gave me back my car keys and key to my apartment. But during his last visit he stole them back and then took my vehicle. He brought it back thankfully. I got all my keys back and am getting my locks changed. The relationship is Over...I finally had enough...enough of the abuse and enough strength to put an end to it.
I feel sad, hurt, angry, betrayed. I feel sad because I do love him and want good for him. But I know in order for me to stay emotionally well, it has to be over. I will greive my loss. The loss of companionship, the loss of who I used to be before we ever met, the many years of my life lost because I was too #codependent and anxious to leave it.
Two months ago, my partner left me for someone else. Our relationship was toxic and he did cheat on me before, but I still had hope that he would change and we could make it work. You see I have anxious attachment style, so I was needy and always felt like he had one foot out of the door. I know I push people away but I thought he would love me through my hard days like I loved him through his. He was the one person that I truly opened up to in a lot of different ways. I was pushing him away but I never wanted him to leave. I was so lost in my pain. He told me that his new relationship is better than ours. He gets along with her and they communicate better. I’m crushed. I feel so unworthy of understanding and love. It’s been two months. I had to block him today because he writes me every once in awhile. I just can’t talk to him anymore. Every time I do, I get depressed. I’ve decided to be single and date myself for once. I want to break the toxic cycle that keeps replaying in my relationships. I just want to be happy, heal, and forgive myself for my past mistakes. I want to like and love myself. I lost myself in that relationship and allowed the pain that I felt to change me into someone that I am not proud of. I feel like I let myself down. #toxicrelationship #Depression #Lettinggo #SeparationAnxiety #brokenheart #sad
I’m in the process of moving on from an abusive relationship, and the person who’s helping me on that has shown me that it is possible to feel truly and completely comfortable and loved wh#en you are with someone.
The person I used to be with used to get angry at me every time I didn’t check Whatsapp because of depression, he would rant about it whenever we met. The blame would always be on me, and if I said something bothered me, he would say that it was an effect of my attitude. He even hacked my phone because I wasn’t answering his texts, and showed up at my house three times in the same day.
I met someone when I was on holiday, my ex had gone to the same place and texted me everyday to see me. I spent a week with some friends and this new person. I found myself wanting to stay him instead of meeting my ex. I only saw him a couple hours before leaving, and he was mad at me.
Me and this new guy started talking til the point that we would talk everyday. He was comprehensive, and would ask for my mental health every time he would perceive that I was a bit off. One day we met to have a coffee and I can’t explain how comfortable I felt. He made me feel that he cared about me, even if it wasn’t romantic.
One day we had planned to meet and my grandmother died. He immediately told me that it was okay if I cancelled, and that if I wanted to meet he would be there for me. My ex hadn’t texted me in a week so I didn’t told him.
By the next time we met with this person, my ex and I hadn’t spoken for a month, I had tried to contact him but he wouldn’t answer.
With time, the way me and the guy wrote to each other started to get more romantic, until the point where one day we ended up kissing, and then going out and acting like a couple.
In the middle of all this, my ex decided to text me and told me to meet. At that point I had decided that I wanted to end thing for good. He started to blame everything on me, dismissed the fact that my grandma had died and that I had entered to the hospital after having a really bad episode. He admitted to having hacked my phone again and got mad when he saw I was talking to the other guy. He made me feel terrible, as if I had to forgive him for everything and I was the bad guy of the story. Before we left he told me he would text me that same night. It’s been about a month and I haven’t known anything about him.
I am talking to the guy I met on my holidays, and the relationship is quite serious now.
I deleted all the chats with my ex, and everything that had to do with him.
To all of those who find themselves in an abusive and toxic relation, I hope this can help you at least a tiny bit to escape that. There is someone out there that will find you and take you just the way you are. Healthy people exist. Healthy relationships exist. Feeling loved and cared exists. And you deserve that and much more. #AbusiveRelationship #Depression #Bipolar2Disorder #loveyourself #Love #overcoming #toxicrelationship #Boyfriend
After an argument with my sister I feel lonely. We are not in touch now, maybe for good. Just after an argument she tried to write to me, but I just couldn't stand any contact with her then. A bit later I tried to write to her, but she didn't reply back.
I had a feeling that our relationship was getting toxic again. And also I was repressing lots of things unsaid, trying not to offend her. Finally I couldn't bear it anymore and wrote some things she got offended about. Sad... I don't like to offend people. #FamilyAndFriends #toxicrelationship #Loneliness