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The hardest time is now.... #alone #battles #nohelp #Depression #Anxiety #Fear

Today has been the worst. My emotions are seriously hammering me down. I feel weak for crying and a burden. I'd rather help many others than my own self. I just cannot allow myself to just break a little and cry. It hurts. Everyday I'm trying my best. Just need this pain and suffering to go away a little. 😢🙏


I have recently been open about my mental health struggles, which has caused my own "support" system/sister and 19 y/o daughter to label me as "dramatic", "crazy", etc. I'm fighting Leukemia alone now, since they were named as my medical proxy and caregiver. On top of my diagnosis, I'm struggling with chemobrain and the short term memory loss and all THAT causes as well. My BPD, Bipolar disorder, and my PTSD (currently getting worse sure to recent traumas on top of traumas, added to attempted murder and rape in 2008) is a big struggle alone so adding in my chronic pain, my chemo resistant body trying to fight Leukemia (for everyone else), I'm feeling extremely alone. My own family is so toxic, uncaring, and selfish that all they care about is what can be done for them. My thoughts and feelings are so hopeless, confusing, angry, sad, all the negative things and all 3 of my mental health people I speak to are changing things. My therapist isn't trained for the severity of my PTSD/Flashbacks. I need extremely specialized trauma therapy that's really only available at the V. A. (I've never been in the military.) So after 2 years of being my therapist, I'm feeling unable to really talk openly. I FINALLY have a psychiatrist after not having one since about December. I was told she was only temporary and I'm getting someone new. I cannot go through my trauma and stuff again. I'm usually the person that sits quietly, waiting for the hour to be over because I can't relive the evil I know exists. So now that I'm getting comfortable with her, I'm being assigned to someone else. Last, my case manager who I'm FINALLY good with, he came to tell me about my psychiatrist, ALSO that I'm getting a new case manager next week.

I'm struggling as it is, so for my daughter who is compassionate to everyone else to be treating me this way, while I don't have anyone to talk to that I trust is upsetting. To put it nicely. How do I even talk to her? For perspective, I'm not allowed to get the covid vaccine because it is too dangerous for me. My oncologist is on record, saying it could kill me. My daughter works in public and absolutely REFUSED to be vaccinated, until she decided to fly to see friends. Since one of them has a baby in the home, she was immediately vaxxed so she could visit the friend.

#help #whatshouldido #Depression #Leukemia #nohelp #Nohope #Imnotcrazy #PTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder


Docters not beliveing me #notbeingbelieved

So I recently made an appointment my better half got off early so they could bring me. It took no less then 5 min for the docter to tell me that oh yeah we are refuring you to a kidney bladder docter forgive me for not saying the correct name. I have Degenerative disc disease which pain was manageable untill the same time I have been having issues with my bladder not emptying and my tail bone hurting like crazy yet,the docter I saw today said oh yeah no thats not my problem. I came here for you to tell me what to do about my back and troubles using the bathroom and all you have to tell me is nope sorry. Please no ill will with what im about to say but why can't we have socialized medicine i would be able to find a docter who knows what the heck there doing. #nohelp #dridiot #ChronicPain


Necrotic Acne Miliaris #nohelp #balding

Does anyone else have this disorder? I do and have had it for about 10 years.  It is an itchy, rashy type of acne that I have on my scalp.  I know it is caused by Staff Aureus infection.  I am looking for help in any way!  Treatments, anything.  I am also slowly going bald on my head due to this infection.  Any hair help or suggestions to help with the thinning hair would be appreciated too! Thanks


Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs & Bipolar

Can anyone else relate to bipolar disorder being the underlining reason why they can’t keep a job? It’s extremely difficult to be able to function like a “normal” person when you’re living from paycheck to paycheck, NOT having LITERALLY ANYONE ON THIS EARTH to help you out if you fall into hard (financial) times, wondering if your manic depression will get in the way of yet another job and keep you from making ends meet. It is just too much to always be in survival mode and never getting far, never being able to save money, and barely staying above water. THIS is the reason why I battle with suicidal thoughts on a damn near daily basis. If my BASIC needs were taken care of, I wouldn’t have half the problems with my manic depression as I do now. I know money isn’t everything, but it can make or break one’s mental state if s/he is always wondering whether s/he will eventually become homeless because, despite the fact that s/he is a hard worker, s/he can never obtain stability of any kind. #Bipolar #manicdepression #Depression #SurvivalMode #MaslowsHierarchyOfNeeds #Finances #hardship #nohelp #Nosupport #suicidal #Thoughts



I am really worried. I know how to prep but no due to finances I haven't. That caught me flat footed because where I relied on snap for food snap is no more. An I am relying on a dissabilty check from government so it leaves me scared (an they just increased dissabilty from $750 month to $770 month go figure.) I haven't looked at info in years about the #doomsdayclock an I accidently hit on a recent report from cnn news. It's seems the doomsday clock is predicting end of this year start of next something truly #catastrophicproportions is going to happen. This scares. #nofunds to make preps just at in case even if I never use. Ever month I have to make choices roof over my head verses needs all of this with #nohelp . An I know God help us all if something does happen but with no help no way I can get out of Vegas even if I do manage to make a #bobbag . An meds what of thoughs. I know most is like me meds are a have to be I am loosing use of my right hand. I can acidently miss taking my meds an by that night I can't sleep so to mind jarring screaming pain an no way I can move my wrist or fingers. So yeah it worries me I am in no shape to fight to protect myself. This is all weighing on my mind cause currently what's happen is our contry is getting bad each day. An trust in the government is quickly going by the wayside. I know citys would not be good place to be. But with no car an no strength to tote my needs ect. This is so worrying me. Is any one else worried. If I had options I would pack an move to the country preferably near woods. My dream living in a bunker full time but I do not have the money to buy an do. So scared if poop hits the fan witch our country currently is a poop storm brewing then I am so scared I am going to be a victim not for lack of trying an fighting to survive but because I am %100 alone an weak an no one cares. I am worried #cisualizationwontbesocivil sooner than later. An for me even writing this is saying alot because I am a survivor I have learned to always find positive. I have been homeless before I know it's rough and my body won't let me survive it anymore. In the past 20 years added together I had been homeless about 9 1/2 years so I am no novice of hard times. Plus as a child my mom an I lived under a table for a few weeks in Panama canal zone as the geuriallas over through the government we saw people cut down with machine guns an so much more till the US army could get us out but I am looking at a bad time of it if poop does hit the fan. An no army to help pull my bottom out the fire. #poophitsthefan . Am I crazy in my thinking OK I gotta go rest my hand. Pains through roof but I feel the need to share my thinking. 🤔