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I have recently been open about my mental health struggles, which has caused my own "support" system/sister and 19 y/o daughter to label me as "dramatic", "crazy", etc. I'm fighting Leukemia alone now, since they were named as my medical proxy and caregiver. On top of my diagnosis, I'm struggling with chemobrain and the short term memory loss and all THAT causes as well. My BPD, Bipolar disorder, and my PTSD (currently getting worse sure to recent traumas on top of traumas, added to attempted murder and rape in 2008) is a big struggle alone so adding in my chronic pain, my chemo resistant body trying to fight Leukemia (for everyone else), I'm feeling extremely alone. My own family is so toxic, uncaring, and selfish that all they care about is what can be done for them. My thoughts and feelings are so hopeless, confusing, angry, sad, all the negative things and all 3 of my mental health people I speak to are changing things. My therapist isn't trained for the severity of my PTSD/Flashbacks. I need extremely specialized trauma therapy that's really only available at the V. A. (I've never been in the military.) So after 2 years of being my therapist, I'm feeling unable to really talk openly. I FINALLY have a psychiatrist after not having one since about December. I was told she was only temporary and I'm getting someone new. I cannot go through my trauma and stuff again. I'm usually the person that sits quietly, waiting for the hour to be over because I can't relive the evil I know exists. So now that I'm getting comfortable with her, I'm being assigned to someone else. Last, my case manager who I'm FINALLY good with, he came to tell me about my psychiatrist, ALSO that I'm getting a new case manager next week.

I'm struggling as it is, so for my daughter who is compassionate to everyone else to be treating me this way, while I don't have anyone to talk to that I trust is upsetting. To put it nicely. How do I even talk to her? For perspective, I'm not allowed to get the covid vaccine because it is too dangerous for me. My oncologist is on record, saying it could kill me. My daughter works in public and absolutely REFUSED to be vaccinated, until she decided to fly to see friends. Since one of them has a baby in the home, she was immediately vaxxed so she could visit the friend.

#help #whatshouldido #Depression #Leukemia #nohelp #Nohope #Imnotcrazy #PTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder


Idk if i need help !TW ANOREXIA!

I've not eaten in 18hrs now. Usually i don't eat for 18/20hrs every day. With today i've fasted for almost 10 days i think... and when i eat, i eat less than 200 calories. Today i don't want to eat nothing, yes i've reached the 18hrs but i don't want to eat. I suffer from anorexia and now my bmi is 15.0. I don't know what to do because yes i feel so bad and i have 0 energy but i don't want to tell anyone i know because i don't want to disappoint them and....i don't want help. But i want to talk to someone of what i'm doing and what happens to me or how i feel without the risk to trigger this person....and if someone wants to chat i usually don't talk. So i'm alone i guess......
I feel guilty for this post but i needed to. #AnorexiaNervosa #help #Sorry #Fasting #whatshouldido

1 comment

#whatshouldido .

I took my medicine a little while ago I'm still not feeling all that good. I think it might be one of those days I wanted to draw and take a shower. Now I'm thinking I should lay down and chill and maybe if I'm feeling better then I'll do that stuff. The of lupus and congestive heart failure.


#whatshouldido ?

Went out with two of my adult kids to a concert the other night. I noticed a few times throughout the night small reactions and faces like they were embarrassed. Then as we were walking to our car again, and complete silent on the drive home. Now we come to today which is my youngest son’s birthday...and my husband asked if everyone wants to go out for dinner together. I don’t want to annoy or embarrass my kids...what do I do? 😢


Can loving parents be emotionally manipulative?

I mainly want to know if this has happened to other people and what you’ve done about it. My mother is a very sweet person and does her best to take care of other people. But she has a lot of insecurity that I usually end up feeling the brunt of. I have multiple illnesses and sometimes I just need to be alone but she takes things like that as a personal offense. She also has asked me to prove to her that I love her (literally last week) even though I do my best to regularly spend time with her and do things for her when I can. I also usually end up having to comfort her even when I’m the one experiencing physical pain and running back and forth to the bathroom. My therapist says I need to move out, and I really want to but I don’t have any money. My OCD gets worse when I’m home because I can feel the stress of living with her. Some of my friends know as well as my boyfriend, and my therapist. But if I try to talk to anyone else about it they just come up with something about how she just loves me a lot, but that gets frustrating after you’ve heard it the first few times. #toxicparent #whatshouldido #toxicrelationship #ToxicRelationships