I've had all the fun in my life! My boyfriend from age 14-22 was mentally and physically abusive. We had a beautiful daughter 16 years ago (I also endured preclampsia and postpartum). My daughter has a multitude of various illnesses from birth. So there was prolonged exposure to him and his narcissistic ways. After losing her for 2 years as a result of being "brainwashed" to think I was the worst mom in the world and sadly (but thankfully) being there to pick up the pieces of her realizations and understanding of what was happening to her and what a skewed perception she was lead to believe about me, she has been with me full time for the past (appx) 3 years now. In 2017, I had a full hysterectomy at age 34 due to pretty severe PMDD, Adenomyosis and cancerous cells. I'm now finding myself in the hell that is (what I think) the Collision of Hormones (or lack of), Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety disorder with Psychogenic Seizures and PTSD. I swear the menopause has been just enhancing or playing a really nasty game with the rest of these beautiful, disastrous disorders. I'm struggling going back and forth with my OBGYN, psychologist and psychistrist. I've lost my 3rd job in a row due to hospitalizations, partial day programs and sporadic "mental health days." I'm a hot mess... can ANYONE relate?! To any of it? I'm struggling and having symptoms I've never had before. I have had the Pseudo Seizures, panic attacks and disassociating "zone out" episodes for a few years now. But this past weekend, I was somewhere in between. I was "present" but, I really couldn't tell if I was or if I was dreaming. I was scared. I was soo worked up, I couldn't figure out how to put my clothes on! My mother and boyfriend had to help me and reassure me that I was indeed "here" and I was ok. I feel like I'm really losing my mind again. I'm freaked out. I'm currently back in a partial day program and can't seem to speak without jumping all over the place. I'm rambling now and I am not quite sure how much of what I wrote makes sense. I just really feel that there has got to be some evil connection to menopause and ptsd. It's hard to find solid literature about it to help me express it properly in my groups. #PTSD #Anxiety #Depression #menopause #Seizures #PanicAttacks #Parenting #Dissociation #scared ##