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I wish I would break off with this jerk #xiety # #Depression ##a

I have gotten back with the same jerk over 4 times in six years. I finally walked out of the door with a few belongings one day while he was playing video games at an 8 hour stretch.

Whenever I tried to leave he would block the door and tell me if I left then there is no returning. #Anxiety

He had to know where I went. He talked to me worse than a mangey dog! He took my car keys away from me and told me that I couldn't leave unless I asked him and then he would ask what time I was going to be home. If I was a minute late he would call me.

I had my own money and he would demand to know how I spent it. Then he would tell me that I would blow it all anyway so I should take him out to eat all the time. When I took him out he stared down all the other women in the restaurant.

It was constant abuse and he said I was the problem so I went to therapy and realized that he manipulated me all the time. It is difficult to break it off because I have abandonment issues. I get going and then after a month or two I go right back with him. I want to stop going back with him.

I guess I get to feeling lonely after a month or two and I go back with him out of fear of being alone.

This time, I am trying to get involved with other things to fill up my time. I am trying to find friends to have a light conversation with. I don't have close enough friends to talk all of this over with. The people I know would tell other people even though I would tell them it was personal and I didn't want everyone else to know my feelings.

I'm all out of sorts right now and trying to get my life together so I'm not constantly fighting with him or going back to him. I want my life to be peaceful and stable!

I am seeing an EMDR counselor and that is going pretty well. I am signing up to go to DBT class and I will have a skill builder to talk my class over with me.

I guess things are going well but getting to where I want to be is a slow process. I do see progress though.

Thanks for reading this!!

Stella Rae
#Bipolar #anxiexty #Depression # Trauma Issues

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#the effort. #TryTryTryAgain #xiety # #try #Toxic Positive #Chainsmoker

Interviews and Judgements. Conversations and Accusations. Abuse and Assistance.
Why are so many people upset and lashing out at those who had no hand, knowledge or control over what happened. Such a person should be informed of your grief, not the recipient of your anger.

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Small things

Today I got to spend time with my twin sister! Today my sister treated me to breakfast, a haircut, a movie, 2 new shirts, and some body spray from Bath and Body Works and a milkshake from Steak N Shake! Today I feel like a new person with my haircut! Today I cleaned out the litter boxes and pulled out things that needed to be swept! Today I feel good about myself! Today it was about the small things and let someone treat you! I couldn’t of ask for a better day! #xiety # #eerMeOn # #52SmallThings


Savella for #Fibromyalgia ?

Has anyone tried Savella to help with #Fibromyalgia ? If so, was your experience with it good or bad? What side effects should I expect? Doctor just prescribed this for me and I’m nervous about trying it. I have had really bad experiences with other antidepressants in the past. Any information or advice would be greatly appreciated. #bromyalgia # #ronicPain # #pression # #xiety # #broFog # #wmeds # #nervous


On The Fence

Today marks a week since my suicide attempt. I wish I could say that I’m better, but I feel awful. I feel really suicidal, like I did last week, but I tiny sliver of myself wants to stay. This is the worst my depression has ever gotten.

#pression # #xiety # #eckInWithMe #Suicide

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Checking In 💚

This week has been busy! I got all four wisdom teeth pulled on Saturday and I started my new job on Monday. I #FindStrength in the quotes around my house. I do what I can, with what I have, where I am. Quotes help me to find the strength within that I know I have. This has been an emotional week and I am still grateful for what I’ve been able to accomplish. I am proud of how strong I can be when I put my mind to it. #xiety # #pression # #CheckInWithMe

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Never Stay Down! #CheckInWithMe #52SmallThings

I know it’s hard to get knocked down & wonder why should you even stand back up, because it happens a lot seems like right? Always get back up and never let this world that can be so cruel make you loose your light, it can be dimmed or maybe turned off. Never let anybody or anything make your light go out completely. Turn it back on, shine brighter, & keep moving forward! #pression # #xiety # #ronicIllness # #ronicPain # #toimmuneDisease # #MixedConnectiveTissueDiseaseMCTD

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Growing isn’t always pretty. Do it anyway. #lfharm # #xiety # #ntalHealth # #SD # #polarDisorder # #PanicDisorder

In my own journey of personal growth I have discovered quite a bit how easily it can be to try and fit yourself in someone else’s path.
The root of comparison in my opinion is a lack of seeing your own value and in the master of seeing myself the size of a bean compared to this big, big world.
Being influenced by others doesn’t necessarily mean it’s always a bad thing, but staying on our own path creates so much more opportunity for ourselves in figuring out.
We’ve all been given this life, who we we are at our core, and our unique stories, to be different and to set ourselves apart from the “normal” in the world; which can become so defeaning to us.
We deserve to own who we are and the reasons why we truly feel the way we do without justifying it because someone else did it too.
Break your own path, make some noise, and put on the shoes that fit you.
Gods got you. When will we rest assured in those words?? All we have to do is move forward. Mentally, spiritually, and physically. ❤️


Mood swings

I hate how one minute I can feel complete grandiosity about life and recovery. Almost as if it was just meant to happen. And literally 5 seconds later I’m in the dumps.
#rderlinePersonalityDisorder # #TSD # #xiety # #Depression

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How to stop Self Harming?

The past while I have began self harming. I have been scratching myself deep with a needle. The voice in my head tells me to do it and I do. I’m upset about it and hate doing it but get a release out of it. Does anyone have any tips to help stop?
#xiety # #Selfharm