Age

I've started having falls in the last 12 months. Last Tuesday was outside the house. I finally went to urgent care on Friday; they recommended a visit to ER for a CAT scan. Found a flattened L6 disc. No shards which is good. They said their focus is pain management right now

The pain is doable; my focus is not falling again and find exercise for knee strength and total body balance.

I'm also under chemo treatment for lung cancer (3 years since dx)

I have a chronic fear and mistrust of my body. When will that stop?

I'm having the weeps right now. I don't know why. I thought i was mentally prepared. I was looking forward to a break from stressfulwork and resting/recovering from (hopefully) temporary back pain. My husband will be visiting his mom tomorrow.

I'm split. I get to organize my time to my liking, writing or reading if I want to. Self care (physical therapy or rest). Music for me.

But I'm feeling alone and frghtened and old. (64, feel likee 84, but doubt I will reach 70--I hope not.)

Rambling, and mucking up this post in this app. I'll write to myself and call a warm in the morning after m husband leaves

My boyfriend who is older than me by 14 years made a statement last night in regards to our age difference. I’m too young for him. We’ve talked about my age and his since the beginning of us dating. Mind you we’ve been dating for a few years now. What should I think? #Relationships #Age

I’ve been diagnosed with BPD for years, but I feel like I’m always learning something new about borderline and how it affects me. Over the past few months or so, I’ve been becoming more and more aware of this odd sense that I’m not as old as my driver’s license says. This varies from blanking on how old I actually am when people ask, to talking with a higher pitched tone or with a “baby voice”, or to an overwhelming urge to cuddle any stuffed animal and curl up in a ball. I was watching a video of someone with dissociative identity disorder who experiences “age-sliding” and it made me realize that certain tendencies and behaviors of mine aren’t exactly...adult, and that these behaviors may have something to do with my mental health. Sometimes...a lot of the time...basically whenever I’m particularly overwhelmed, I “age regress,” which I suppose means that I’m regressing mentally to a younger age so that I can cope with stressful situations. I did as much research as I could with the few resources there are on this topic, but I’m still trying to figure out what this means for me. I’ve started to say that I’m “little” when I’m in these younger mindsets (coining the term from DID, not DD/LG or anything like that 😅). When I’m “little,” I feel a need to be taken care of. Since I’ve moved out of my family’s house, my boyfriend has taken on the responsibility of making sure I feel safe and comforted and loved in this mindset, providing me with lots of cuddles, calling me “babygirl” (which I hate when I’m not little), and doing his best to make me feel smaller because my body feels so much larger than it should be, sometimes feeling like it’s not even mine. It’s great to have his support while I’m discovering “little Sky,” as he calls it. It’s nice to know that he’s not going to judge me for acting younger than my age, as so many have before, and I know I’m not alone because of him, but he’ll never truly understand my mindset when I’m like this. So, I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced something like this. Maybe we can learn from each other ☺️
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#Age #Regression

i've been without a caretaker for quite some time now and i' have been wanting the same person time and time again to be with me but they made up their mind and left me and now i'm going to be a single "little" for a long time till i find somebody new. being little has really helped me a lot with my mental health but sometimes i think i should get out of that headspace and try to act a bit older but i dont think im able to do that since my other caretaker has given so many "little" things which i love so much. so that's a little (ha see what i did there) about me.... i've been feeling a bit scared to tell my therapist about this for a long time because it really is hard for me to talk about even in a "safe space"..... i'm worried she'll judge me but i don't think that so far that this happened which i'm happy about (i guess).... i was worried though because since i do identify as a "little" that i wont be accepted because i'm apart of this big community that i'm not so sure that is seen as accepted by society and im scared that if i reveal this part of myself that i'll keep having to hide for much longer and i really don't want to do that. there is a lot of information about age regression out there as well but these behavior of mine i've felt shameful about even since my caregiver/caretaker left me...... somebody give me tips on how to cope with this because i have not been doing so well with this on my own.... sorry again for this long read.....

How to have the strength to make it to the better. I have faith and hope. Just seems so little sometimes.... #Hypohyroidism , #Depression #GravesDisease #Age