agorophobia

I have come to realize that dealing with salesmen is highly triggering for me. This is because of the real or imagined pressure that I feel to make a quick decision and to spend money. To add to this, some salesmen (as part of their job) will not accept my NO the first time, and try to manipulate it into a YES.

I first realized this last year when I went to purchase a single tanning session. After saying I just wanted a single and not a monthly purchase, I had to explain myself MULTIPLE TIMES. I ended up breaking down and briefly crying. For a trauma survivor saying no ONCE is hard enough, but to say it multiple times is excruciating and sometimes feels impossible because then my fawning patterns kick in and sometimes my no is changed to a yes. And then I berate myself after I leave, unhappy with myself and the purchase, as well as the fact that I was manipulated into buying something I didn't want or was unsure of.

Aside from this, I am someone who takes a while to make decisions. I need time to think, weigh pros & cons, and use process of elimination from my top picks. This is not easy to do when someone is standing there watching and waiting for you. I am extremely uncomfortable being watched during my decision making process. Sometimes, I can sense their annoyance with me and I end up apologizing unnecessarily.

I am trying to "toughen up" to these salesmen, because I know the real root of the issue is my past abusers who consistently rushed me, picked apart every single decision I made, blamed me for said "wrong" decision, and refused to accept the answer no from me. Also, salesmen do sometimes use coercive, dismissive, dominating, & minimizing tactics, so they often are very manipulative like my abusers. In fact, one of my ex-abusers was an insurance salesman.

Who else gets triggered by salesmen?

#CPTSD #PTSD #triggers #SocialAnxiety #decisionmaking #agorophobia #manipulativebehavior #nomeansno #complexposttraumaticstressdiso rder #Anxiety

It’s as if I cannot function the way I’m supposed to. A couple years ago I had my first full blown bipolar manic episode and my diagnosis. I was hospitalized 6 times that year 2020. Since then there’s been some more life changes and this last year pretty much all I did was lay down and watch tv. I’ve always felt like a failure so working, keeping house, or making a meal I just feel like I can’t do it well. I feel like such a bad person because I know I need to be taking care of those I love but I haven’t been doing that and I finally woke up to that realization a couple weeks ago. I also don’t want to ever leave my house and I’m now having some memory issues. I feel defective.
# Bipolar #Depression #Anxiety
#agorophobia

I feel like I bother my boyfriend(FP) so much but I want to be near him and feel like I’ll break down if I’m not around him much. IDK what to do. But the thing is, he always is there for me when I’m having breakdowns which is almost daily. Like tonight, he’s going to come pick me up from my friend’s place which is an hour away from his work just because I had an anxiety attack here. But I still can’t feel anything besides I’m being a bother. #FavoritePerson #MajorDepressiveDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #Depression #Anxiety #generalizedanxiety #agorophobia #sad #mad #Fp

Last night I slept with my window and bedroom door open, as opposed to barricaded..
so proud of myself