What a great early morning reminder.
I have come to realize that dealing with salesmen is highly triggering for me. This is because of the real or imagined pressure that I feel to make a quick decision and to spend money. To add to this, some salesmen (as part of their job) will not accept my NO the first time, and try to manipulate it into a YES.
I first realized this last year when I went to purchase a single tanning session. After saying I just wanted a single and not a monthly purchase, I had to explain myself MULTIPLE TIMES. I ended up breaking down and briefly crying. For a trauma survivor saying no ONCE is hard enough, but to say it multiple times is excruciating and sometimes feels impossible because then my fawning patterns kick in and sometimes my no is changed to a yes. And then I berate myself after I leave, unhappy with myself and the purchase, as well as the fact that I was manipulated into buying something I didn't want or was unsure of.
Aside from this, I am someone who takes a while to make decisions. I need time to think, weigh pros & cons, and use process of elimination from my top picks. This is not easy to do when someone is standing there watching and waiting for you. I am extremely uncomfortable being watched during my decision making process. Sometimes, I can sense their annoyance with me and I end up apologizing unnecessarily.
I am trying to "toughen up" to these salesmen, because I know the real root of the issue is my past abusers who consistently rushed me, picked apart every single decision I made, blamed me for said "wrong" decision, and refused to accept the answer no from me. Also, salesmen do sometimes use coercive, dismissive, dominating, & minimizing tactics, so they often are very manipulative like my abusers. In fact, one of my ex-abusers was an insurance salesman.
Who else gets triggered by salesmen?
It doesn't matter what you wore
Or how much you had to drink,
It doesn't matter who they were
A stranger or of family.
It doesn't matter how much money
That you do happen to make,
It doesn't matter if they were a friend
A lover or heartbreak.
It doesn't matter if you willingly
Did walk into their house,
It doesn't matter if they were a date,
Co-worker or a spouse.
It doesn't matter just how often
Be it once or many years,
It doesn't matter what their "excuse" was
That drowned your life in tears.
It doesn't matter when it happened
Yesterday or in your youth,
It doesn't matter who believes
For in your heart you know the truth.
Cause if you didn't give consent
Then it's considered an assault,
It doesn't matter what they said or did
IT NEVER WAS YOUR FAULT!
By: Debra Brent
#Poetry #poet #poetsandwriters #Trauma #Childhoodtrauma #SexualTrauma #SexualAbuse #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PTSD #CPTSD #Anxiety #Depression #panic #Fear #SuicideAwareness #MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness #SuicidePrevention #TraumaRecovery #Healing #nomeansno #ibelieveyou #itdoesntmatter #youmatter
I have needed to see something like this for so long! It speaks to me on every level. The only reason my attacker is still out there is because of the negatives on this picture. People you confind it should grow up and think of the victims not the perps! Please everyone share this with someone who needs it! #MentalHealth #Mentalillnessfeelslike #sexualassualt #Depression #PTSD #Anxiety #Trauma #CheckInWithMe #Share #help #panic #Life #Hope #encouragement #Rape #nomeansno #Consent
My virginity was lost to a young man who didn’t take no for an answer. I blamed myself for allowing the situation to become such that he could easily penetrate me. He was my boyfriend and a heavy petting situation turned into my loss ~ my voice being ignored. I was 16 & told nobody the exact details of what happened. At first I didn’t think that what happened was wrong. It took many years for me to realize that he was wrong. I still hear my inner voice telling me that it was my fault. I was raised by my mother and step father who slapped my butt regularly & called me a whore and or a slut whenever he felt like it. After talking with my sister years later ~ I realized that she had been sexually abused by him also. I don’t have a concrete memory so I’m still uncertain of what all took place. I do remember that we were rough housing one day when my mom wasn’t home and he threw me down on their bed and kissed me hard on the lips. Then he got up and walked away. I feel like his behaviors were some kind of cruel conditioning for future sexual misconduct towards me by other men both young and old. In jr. High school a boy grabbed my breast as he was walking by. I never reported it. I didn’t want to make waves. The neighbor down the road put his arm around me once and then slipped his hand down my shirt and fondled my breast. I moved away and when I told my parents ~ their response was that if we told anyone or confronted him I would lose the use of his horse trailer for hauling my horse in 4-H, so just stay away from him and keep quiet. When I think back I wonder if every young girl goes through things like this and how many don’t even realize how wrong it was? That was 4 different males who took away from me what was not offered. No consequences for them. It’s disturbing to me and I do sometimes have a “man hating “ mentality. If it slips out ~ men just look at me like I’m a loon. My father has passed & I still feel conflywhen I miss him. There were many things about him that were good, though.😞 #