alienation

For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt alienated, like I’m on the outside looking in, no matter where I am or who I’m with. I recently watched a movie called Taxi Driver, and it’s scary how much I could relate to the main character’s (Travis Bickle) loneliness and the way society’s flaws become impossible to ignore.

I’ve always noticed the darker aspects of the world—its injustices, its failures—and it’s hard not to fixate on them. That constant awareness makes me pessimistic, even angry at times. But deep down, I know that anger comes from wanting something more: connection, belonging, and understanding.

Loneliness is a strange thing. On one hand, I’m comfortable and even happy being alone because I don’t have to set expectations with anyone. But on the other hand, there are times when I crave the comfort and joy that comes from stability with others. It’s like there’s a constant pull between different parts of me: my child self yearns for the love I never received, my teenage self wants revenge, and my adult self just wants peace.

The hardest part is how unreachable those things feel. Even when I’m with “my own people,” I feel like I don’t fully belong. Sometimes it’s the language barrier; other times it’s how differently I think and see the world. It’s like I’m always speaking a different language, even when the words are the same.

It also scares me to think that I could spiral down and act on my hatred, like Travis Bickle did, because of my yearning for love, connection, and a sense of belonging. Watching him spiral downward makes me question whether it’s worth putting myself through that. I don’t want to end up like him, but sometimes I wonder if I’m headed down a similar path.

This has been my reality for most of my life, and I’m curious if others feel this way too. How do you cope with that sense of alienation? How do you create connections when the world around you feels so distant?

#MentalHealth #alienation #Anxiety

I joined awhile ago and am just now finding the energy and courage to introduce myself. I joined #MightyTogether because I struggle with the #Isolation and #alienation that comes with #CPTSD #Trauma #Disability #BipolarDisorder #Dissociation #MentalIllness and #ChronicIllness and having no support system. I came here with the hope to hear your stories, share mine, and heal together.

My Hope's are once again dashed. Fobbed off with, "there's really no need to diagnose you, let's just work through your thoughts". Hmm well that's what I've been spending thousands of £ and hours doing for the last 4 years and I'm still no further forward so no thanks! Don't get me wrong, I try but it doesn't go anywhere, I don't want to be rude so I plod on agreeing and complying. Until I reach this point where I'm so angry I want to scream and say please someone just listen to me!! I'm not ok! I feel so different to everyone else, I struggle to relate, to bond, to connect, it's all just surface level to appear "normal". It's empty and awful, people wall away, people avoid me as they don't understand me and I am left here with a sense of shame, like I'm a bad person when in fact I'd never intentionally hurt someone and you don't realise I keep you at arms length for your own good. Because I don't know how to connect, to open up, to be who you need me to be.
Another let down of avoiding diagnosing me and professionals telling me how I feel because I'm articulate, look normal and appear to function.

#Diagnosis #MentalHealth #lonely #Shame #mentalhealthservices #alienation #herewegoagain