AnyoneElse

When I’m in the week before my period I lose all control at very routine things that I can usually manage fine! It makes me feel ashamed and incapable.

Last night my landlord asked to carry out some maintenance at the last minute. The thought of someone working in my house while my PMDD symptoms are very bad, just horrified me. The worst feeling was that instead of being able to say ‘I am feeling extremely mentally ill today due to my chronic illness and can’t cope with your request’ I found myself grappling around for excuses, trying to keep him away.
This led to a very bad PMDD breakdown.

I think this is one of the worst aspects of dealing with this chronic illness that is little known, often not physically visible, with the added societal taboo of being connected to the menstrual cycle. It’s very hard to talk honestly (especially to people you are not close to) without judgment or a complete lack of understanding.

How do you explain to people (those not close enough to know all about your condition) when you have to cancel or decline events? Do you have any coping methods or things you say to keep away the things/people you can’t cope with at this time?

#PMDD #ChronicIllness #boundaries

How come I keep turning on my DMs but it doesn’t actually reflect on my account?
#help #directmessages #AnyoneElse #TheMighty

Has anyone else noticed this or is it just me? The app is working fine, but whenever I try to look at their desktop site, it never seems to load properly and sometimes is completely blank? #TheMighty #help #ME #you #AnyoneElse #Weird #Whathappened

Idk if it’s my hospital or what- but every nurse practitioner I have had an office visit with...has had horrible professionalism. Yesterday I had an appointment to complete my evaluation for bipolar disorder. At my appointment, with a woman I have never met btw, she walks in the room - doesn’t say hello or look me in the eye- stares at my file and says “so is your therapist the one that put it in your head that you need a mood stabilizer?”. I was stunned. She then googled the medication on her phone and listed off the bad side effects without explaining the function of the med. told me “you’re not suicidal-depressed so you seem fine” - again...she never asked me if I was or not (I have been of late). Am I overreacting??

So, it's a full 24hrs Asleep, in bed, dead to the world (& covid-19). Am I the only one? #Depression sleep #AnyoneElse

I recently started feeling depressive feelings similar to what I had when I was younger. But I’m afraid of telling people I know in fear that they won’t understand and they’ll dismiss me. I’m also anxious around people in general so I don’t know how talking to a stranger face to face might help. I can barely bring myself to call my doctor. #CheckInWithMe #AnyoneElse

I have a lot of things weighing on me this morning. My 23 anniversary is coming next weekend. It has always brought me happiness to acknowledge it, until the last 3 years. This past year has brought so much estrangement to our relationship, I’m finding it difficult to celebrate it. I shouldn’t as we have not separated again, and no talk of divorce is on the table, but intimacy ( and I mean all forms, not just sex) is almost non existent. This is completely and totally foreign in our relationship as we were always very close, even my husband will say that.
Anyway, lately, I feel like I’m not even sure why I need him, aside from money. I get no emotional support, he helps with almost no household chores of any kind. I’m laundry maid, cook, taxi, spiritual advisor, shopper. I fix broken things like plumbing, air conditioning, I clean up all of the messes. I only work one or two days a week but I certainly don’t get a day off either.
My husband always complains he’s “tired”. I do understand this. He has serious health issues with high bp, digestive issues due to a bowl resection. I am tired too. I’m suffering from anemia and I am taking iron supplements to get my hemoglobin level up, but that is something that will take time.
I guess my point is that even when I’m struggling with my issues, I’m very conscious of my surroundings and try to address the comfort/ needs of my family members. It’s hard to be the only one who gets up and actually handles all of these problems because no one else thinks to. Even when I mention these things to him- I get no real effort on his part even to just help, let alone do it by himself. He’d rather fool around on his phone, play video games with the kids on his days off. I would like to engage in my hobbies too but I never have time for that because I’m doing EVERYTHING.
I just feel so unappreciated, under valued and I just wonder what the hell I’m doing ? I don’t want to resent him- there’s already enough bad for me to try to reconcile without adding stupid crap to the pile. It isn’t like I can’t just do the stuff, I can. I don’t really like getting hung up on who “should/shouldn’t “ be responsible for getting stuff done. I’m a firm believer in, if something can be done by someone- it doesn’t matter who’s job it is, just do it. If everyone pitched in together, without being told, or asked, how much smoother life would go? How much more time would everyone have to enjoy the things they like to do that make them happy?
I don’t expect mind reading either. But really, how hard is it to look around you and see that something needs doing, and just do it? Even for 5-10 min? There are enough people in my family that 10 min a piece adds up to nearly an hour, sometimes a little more. I often feel like I get all of the responsibility and none of the fun, or even just a damn break once in a while. But if I do take a break, (which no one complains about) I just wind up with twice as much shit on my plate to do. #CheckInWithMe #AnyoneElse

Today, I fucked up. That’s basically giving you the plot to this story but that’s my intro. I’m crying as I write this because I am so frustrated/at my end with MYSELF for ruining yet another day because of my moods that took over me (no matter how hard I try my mind goes dark dark dark.)leading me to ruin the whole day for other people. That person is my mom though. Today, I knew I was going to have to step outside of my comfort zone by going to the beach and exposing my skin and bare face not just to others but to myself....I can’t even look in the mirror without make up because of my scars on my face. They make me feel disgusting. Disgusted in myself and my face. Going to the beach use to be fun, and carefree. Now, I’m not confident enough to even be myself in that way. I do whatever I can, keep my head down, put my sunglasses on, whatever I can to avoid people looking at me, I wouldn’t normally care but this I know is true. This is something I hate so I could only image what others think when they see me. I told my mom we can’t go out to eat because I don’t want to go in public and be seen. I told her the beach we were going to was too crowded and a lake would be best but she wanted to go there and I love my mom so I did it, I got the fuck over my self and said I’m doing this for mom. Basically everything I thought might happen to me today,happened. I went to go buy water bottles and the closest place was a nice candy shop that I didn’t want to go in because I would be “too seen” I tried to construct my day around hiding myself. Why do I hate myself so much? Why do I have to ruin good, fun days all because I can’t stand myself? I froze today. I froze up and I couldn’t talk. Eat. Anything. I started having suicidal thoughts instantly. I kept telling myself “I’ve tried it all” “why do I have to look like this?” Then I think about how my mental illness feels like it is eating me alive, from the inside out.Then I think, I want to die but I don’t want to leave everyone. I want to live but I do nothing to help myself feel alive. It’s all overwhelming...when I can’t even hide how I feel because in my eyes I look worse than I feel I’ve come to an abrupt dead end. I only have so many turns to take...Every time I light up my cigarettes I don’t care if it’s killing me. Every time I drive my car and think to myself “just drive yourself right into that tree and that’s it, that easy.” Every time I have a chance I fuck up. Im tired of working so hard to just feel “okay “when I never do. I always feel as if I am a nuisance even to myself. Yes, it may seem like I give a shit about what people think as I do in a small way that basically refers back to my own self image that matters to me. Mainly, it is me. I am my own bully, critic, hater, belittl-er, all of it is me. A lot of this may sound silly or whatever to some of you but I can tell you this just poured out of my heart and I can not let it eat me alive. It will kill me, my strength is deteriorating. #help #lost #AnyoneElse