I have a lot of things weighing on me this morning. My 23 anniversary is coming next weekend. It has always brought me happiness to acknowledge it, until the last 3 years. This past year has brought so much estrangement to our relationship, I’m finding it difficult to celebrate it. I shouldn’t as we have not separated again, and no talk of divorce is on the table, but intimacy ( and I mean all forms, not just sex) is almost non existent. This is completely and totally foreign in our relationship as we were always very close, even my husband will say that.
Anyway, lately, I feel like I’m not even sure why I need him, aside from money. I get no emotional support, he helps with almost no household chores of any kind. I’m laundry maid, cook, taxi, spiritual advisor, shopper. I fix broken things like plumbing, air conditioning, I clean up all of the messes. I only work one or two days a week but I certainly don’t get a day off either.
My husband always complains he’s “tired”. I do understand this. He has serious health issues with high bp, digestive issues due to a bowl resection. I am tired too. I’m suffering from anemia and I am taking iron supplements to get my hemoglobin level up, but that is something that will take time.
I guess my point is that even when I’m struggling with my issues, I’m very conscious of my surroundings and try to address the comfort/ needs of my family members. It’s hard to be the only one who gets up and actually handles all of these problems because no one else thinks to. Even when I mention these things to him- I get no real effort on his part even to just help, let alone do it by himself. He’d rather fool around on his phone, play video games with the kids on his days off. I would like to engage in my hobbies too but I never have time for that because I’m doing EVERYTHING.
I just feel so unappreciated, under valued and I just wonder what the hell I’m doing ? I don’t want to resent him- there’s already enough bad for me to try to reconcile without adding stupid crap to the pile. It isn’t like I can’t just do the stuff, I can. I don’t really like getting hung up on who “should/shouldn’t “ be responsible for getting stuff done. I’m a firm believer in, if something can be done by someone- it doesn’t matter who’s job it is, just do it. If everyone pitched in together, without being told, or asked, how much smoother life would go? How much more time would everyone have to enjoy the things they like to do that make them happy?
I don’t expect mind reading either. But really, how hard is it to look around you and see that something needs doing, and just do it? Even for 5-10 min? There are enough people in my family that 10 min a piece adds up to nearly an hour, sometimes a little more. I often feel like I get all of the responsibility and none of the fun, or even just a damn break once in a while. But if I do take a break, (which no one complains about) I just wind up with twice as much shit on my plate to do. #CheckInWithMe #AnyoneElse