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Concerning #avm #CPTSD

If I confide in you, explain a regrettable behavior, that was brought on by a medical issue, from a medication, and you become angrier and defensive, I will be concerned. If your response is well I am allowed to be angry.im going to give you the valid space and still voice my concern for your https://reply.Anger is grief and not acknowledging your role in that, is unfair to the person you attacked https://wrongly.It does not negate the reason only the https://approach.Your anger invalidates your point, your wife, your mother, your self in the https://end.He has every right to be mad but needs to be accountable for his role as https://well.They can hate me all day long, it will never stop me from talking, trying or thinking of ways to help https://him.If he was promised something, his values have been compromised, completely and thats sad, he deserves better and I will find a https://way.I want him to grow up and find himself outside this house but still keep me in his https://life.He shouldn't be the glue and now, I have to make sure he's https://not.Trust will be in his name and I'll make it https://his.All Will.

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Accountability#avm #cptsd

I've waited and watched, waited and gave opportunity for their https://voices.They chose silence and easy, instead of growth and https://building.I know Im difficult, disposable and too demanding when it comes to admitting https://fault.They will always project and https://deny.Its to prove their narrative and Im removing https://myself.I cannot stay somewhere I am not taken seriously or https://included.I do not want either of them to have this https://life.They have showed me, they have had two years and there has been zero https://attemp.I go back to repair and they deny, avoid and destroy any resolution or accountability on their https://part.They are buying https://time.I keep waiting for them to communicate, https://nothing.I do not bottle things up, I address them, daily and they dismiss https://me.Im no longer going to be ignored, second choice or https://neglected.To ignore me, for days and then blame me, is https://sad.To make my son, choose is https://aweful.Any bribe, using him to communicate and lighten the mood, is https://wrong.Expecting him, to again carry the emotional weight, for the husband, is https://wrong.Triangulating with Anyone from my past behind my back, is https://wrong.The hypocrisy is shocking,to teach my kid, that this is acceptable, I cant get through by myself and since they cant, wont and still are not able, I cant keep going https://backwards.I will be going.

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Absorbed#avm #CPTSD

My body doesn't absorb medications properly so I no longer am a walking pharmacy.I am to the point of wanting to numb all of it now.Mentally, Im saying.There are two meds that cross my blood barrier and clock me out, completely.This last three days, hurt me, physically, from seeing the truth,again.My face looks like a peel went wrong, my chest is hot,heart hurts and now Im having nightmares again.so that one medication is the thing that will erase this past three years and what they've,people not meds, have done to me.
I have zero, value, to them, because I need communication and affection.All it comes down to.I had expectations and I am too emotional.To paint a picture to all, that I wasn't sick, that I, am ungrateful, is the biggest lie, and hurtful, more than they will ever understand and honestly, now, I do not believe any of them, are capable of grasping that. What has been done is wrong.in no comparison, to any private matter.it was wrong.Any one involved, should have to answer, as I have, had to endure, so shall others.And that isn't within my control, thats their delusion, not mine.I own my desperation.Others use people to fight their own battles and then cry victim.im ashamed for them.A woman, deserves to be treated with care and respect.
Not with your ego and your boy gang tactics to intimidate or ruin her reputation, for sport, because she tells the truth.
Now, Im ready to get medicated to forget what their version of support and care means.Strangers would give more compassion and care.But if Im dosed and numb, they can keep being them and I wont feel a thing.Just like 1960s, how they'd like it.Look at that, Karen, Im vintage afterall, just like you.
They will be happy, free of guilt and say Im, crazy still, but medicated and dedicated.That way, nothing needs to be informed, run by me or involved.I will have zero expectations and zero interest. No different than before. But then it also means, my own care, will, need care.
And I can't trust them, to do that.So, I just made my decision.Its sad that All the women, in my husband's life, never tried to help me.They never called me, stopped or questioned about long term care.I guess because they were told it wasn't needed. They can experience the same now.I am not wrong for concerning myself with the things in my world, for wanting a say, for expecting improvement. It's called growth and as long as I stay here, it's never going to happen.I feel less trust, faith and hope now, than ever before.And thats the truth.I am punished for telling the truth, always have been.That makes me an arshole and I am alone because of it.I would do anything to be a room, with all of them and Him, to listen, absorb and take, all their insults, accusations and mockery, all for him.I would love to hear his version of our life.I can guarantee, it is the furthest from the truth.I "served" this man for half my adult life, by choice.Let him, anything.so yes, Im mad, regretting all now and no longer need to be purposely pushed out.im out.Hard meds or truth, those are, the options now.Since none of His, most loyal will have principles and the women in his life, have no self respect, I have to pay with the denial, they've created.But he's upset about the $$ and ego.Not my heath, my heart or mind.He never should have gotten married then and thats the sad fact.But we don't deal in facts.All smoke and mirrors here.

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Too much, so please stop.#avm #cptsd

I've as km ed for over two years now to please stop.He is hurting my son, antagonizing him and lying constantly to me.This is wrong and Im not okay.My family was is gone, done and hurt because of her animosity not mine.I turned to the women in this family, they turned on me.I did rell him the truth.He hates me.Shows me constantly and it's disturbing and wrong, worse than anything I ever did.You cannot based someone of their privacy.I do not understand and why would anyone want to hurt someone Iike this over something they never cared about to begin with.to humiliate me for what? Parade me in front of them, for what? Set me up, for what? What was the restaurant for? The studio? The Galleries, for what? It's done.I, ashamed, embarrassed to have ever met you to do these things to me , to my son, him, all the people I care for.wĥhy hurt someone who has nothing left, why.

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Suddenly#CPTSD #avm

I'm numb.Did I understand the level of animosity? UHM,NO.I do not hate people like he says I do.I walk away from those who aren't nice to me.After chance after chance and opportunity. I come from major mean girl types and I can not be around it and I did spend years, calling them out. I miss the supportive ones, they, never took issue, with any of traits.I am who I always have been.I never understood why someone would toss someone aside for their sexual history, preference and ideology.it is a tiny fraction of your being.If I judged others, based on that,who they were with, what that person did, liked and enjoyed, I'd be called much worse. Seriously? That, is weird, to me. Funny thing is, I have questioned how did those two end up happening but not who has he slept with? About anyone in my life.If you do, that's is weird
That to me in extremely strange behavior, to want to know.Why not ask yourself instead.
Disect your own body, desires and hangups, instead ofhangup, Get your own spice, in your own life.Mines Taken..Read a spicy novel, take that picture, Live a little.

Thats some stalking, Dahmer, level shift, to name off past relationships.Collecting and displaying someone's life as if, it is disposable,soiled or, defective, it is sad and they, need to find simple values, integrity and character.
Yes, simplicity for my complexities.I restart my life, quarterly 😆 🤣 due to, others, review and systems in place.I will be able to contribute more financial when the emotional support is consistent and I will rebuild my faith in him.He will not die of guilt, remorse or alone.I want him to enjoy his life, feel pride in us again and find his voice to lead his house.We did have plans and friends, together but he has a separate group.He needs to acknowledge his role, still but I will not ruin him, ever.He has been my world, my everything,even when he has no clue what to do.

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My fault for isolating.#avm #CPTSD

It is, my environment and I am trying my hardest to move forward. But I recognize all the patterns. I know his game, and hers.Sad, it is a routine for him now, down to the week and is definitely, slowly killing https://me.I stay, because I have invested the last half of my https://life.I asked for time, peace and https://compassion.I was met with obstacles, devision and https://isolation.To use my weaknesses, my pain and anxiety as a reason to teach me a lesson, is non negotiable to me and I can't forgive people who do not acknowledge, anything wrong, in hurting https://me.I was supportive, kind and did show up.He, did not want me to or want to https://himself.I raised the bar and he threw it https://down.He can be alone now, without me now, how he, always preferred it, without me. I will not be a maid. The house, All his and he can keep claiming it. I'm argumentative, controlling, nagging and please demonize me all day, I expected more and it had zero to do with https://money.Keep your money.do not reach out to me again, please.

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Hurt people hurt people #avm #CPTSD #

I was told today that I play the victim card. I'm learning to process fifty years of https://shit.My sisters gave me that label the first time I addressed everything.it https://stuck.Never being allowed to discuss, you get trapped once you do.
He said it's my fault, for https://isolating.And that, showed me that he does not, have the care or capacity to understand what he https://said.He repeated it, https://3x.Im https://shocked.When you have a medically induced break, you aren't going https://anywhere.And to blame the person, while they are in treatment, floors https://me.Would someone in treatment be told go into a https://bar.Or a cancer patient, it's your fault.Seriously, I need to be in a nurturing environment and not someone torturing me with indifference, in order to make me leave? His concerns are known https://now.His strategy is not wise or good for him in the long https://run.I willingly want him taken care of, always https://have.His family has convinced him, I want his $$$.What money,is my https://response.He kindly took mine,at my most vulnerable time, no questions or concerns for my https://future.He has his and will continue to because it always was his, not ours, https://his.I only worked here,room and https://board.I cook clean and make nice, but no https://ownership.None.Not by my doing and when I ask, it is half truths, defensiveness and https://distractions.I only wanted security and a home.you gave me, us, none of https://that.Five years and then, you, called it https://quits.I remember everything https://now.Everything.And you've spent years calling me crazy, unstable, argumentative for defending myself and making me question my reality.WTF, I'm not letting anyone take my life. Good people don't do that to someone. I will fix my money mistakes myself and find a stranger to advocate, for me, myself.no one, deserves what you've all done. I turned to each of you for help, actual help and, helped you before I needed it.you could have been civil, spoke to https://me.Sad and messed up to try to punish someone who was sick, over and over again, for https://years.But thats right, I'm faking the last three, no six years of my life, for https://nothingness.All for https://nothing.Thanks for the pain.

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People are not ok#avm #CPTSD

Wow, we have a full-time circus on our hands!! Holy help, can't even come close to the word I'm summoning!!! These morons have no clue the damage and ick, they have https://unleashed.Its disgusting, and https://foul.Cant be covered up, forgotten or swept over like all are used https://to.Wrong https://woman.Wrong https://life.Wrong person.

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Backlogged#avm #CPTSD

A majority of my work, writing, posts are self serving therapy, references and reminders for future projects.And to remember, I will always process after the fact.I enjoyed editing and research when younger.Social media sites are a tool, a social encyclopedia of habits, dependencies and pathological behavior.A place for multiple views,disassociations come alive, even contradictory and can be thrown at a wall. Any interpretations from lurking, watchers, are subjective and inconsequential to me. Stop watching me, you wont get offended.I have spent years outside, in the day to day, grind of punching a clock. I no longer have that outlet,the internet is no different to me.There is no hiding, pretending or masking.I am exploring my new freedom and expressing myself, free from others confined judgements. I am use to being talked about, never confronted. No ego, just me. You can't make someone suffer and walk away unscathed. They weren't expecting me to know, realize, remember or find out, seriously.
Two plus two is four Bitch.

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Funny#avm #CPTSD

I think people who hurt you the most and never apologize, believe your capacity is endless.If you never express yourself, your boundaries, values or feelings, you are never held to anything, by anyone. To believe you owe, no one an apology, to me is strange and extremely selfish.I have overapoligized, in situations where, I owed none. I have only had a couple adults in my life, actually apologize to me.I was told in therapy, look around and watch.Wow. I started that five years ago, noticing outside the home, as well. When strangers are kinder than your, support circles.Time to change circles. I apologize when wrong, when relevant and for times circumstances.I will not be apoligizing or punished by people, who have NEVER, been a part of my life or my home. Your perception is a reflection, manufactured chaos, and its time to stop projecting, own it and resolve it.