When I was Unmedicated…
When I was unmedicated,
I was a bright light. Who danced in the rain and sang to people at stop lights.
When I was unmedicated,
I was fun. I got dirty and rolled in the dirt with my boys.
When I was unmedicated,
I was “Monica Gellar” clean. My house looked tip top.
Now that I’m medicated,
I’m bleh. I no longer act crazy.
Now that I’m medicated,
I’m distant at times. And my boys are separated.
Now that I’m medicated,
I messy. And stressed. And lazy! And my anxiety seeps through my cracks, like sewer steam.
I know who I am but I don’t.
My kids are teenagers now, and they have their own thoughts. Their own words.
And I just listen. I try to be supportive. But it feels like it’s not enough.
I was once a wild soul. Unapologetically me. The girl who’d burst out in song and dance.
Medication has tamed me.
But I’m still self discovering. Every day. Every minute. Every hour.
Every day.