Hi, I'm Garry and I've recently been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.
Since my childhood I suffer from a constant lack of motivation that was diagnosed as depression when I was 17. I remember thinking about how my family would react, how should I talk about this with my mother even though I know my mother is the one who truly knows about my condition for she's the one who experienced, from outside, all my ups and downs for 21 years.
My diagnosis floated since then, anedonia was one of my strongests symptoms but there was also explosions of anger and excitement over things for short periods so Bipolar Disorder was considered first.
Honestly, the "chronic" part was the most threatening for me. Beyond the illness title was the personality, my personality and even knowing all the symptoms and characteristics I could not see myself out of my own personality to analyse my own behavior and how this behaviour would influence my social and professional life.
At that time I was also undergoing psychological treatment but there was a lack of trust that prevented me from building that necessary connection between client and therapist.
I continued with psychiatric treatment, the meds helped me to focus and control my anxiety as well as they decreased the depressive episodes. Over time I stopped therapy even though my psychiatrist kept saying that treating a mental illness with drugs alone is like putting a band aid on an open wound.
The time passed and my simptons were still there, but diminished by the meds. I was now able to enjoy the company of my friends, accomplish most of my tasks and even look for a job. In the face of my successes I was trying hard to ignore the emptyness, but was when I received my first payment that my mother came to tell me
"Now you can start therapy again.".
My mother care so deeply about me she wants me to keep trying everything I can, all options are valid less one. She faced the rest of my family that judged her for letting me see a Psychiatrist, and even though she don't understand much of what I feel, she still supportes me as best as she can.
The BPD diagnosis came 3 months ago. I'm doing therapy again, and my relation with my therapist are getting better since we started againg. I'm still learning about BPD, I'm still trying to separate what's me and what's the illness.
And I'm glad I found this place.
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