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Uphill battle

Bit of struggle again.

My hearing is going again. The doctor doesn’t seem bothered because it’s not blocked and doesn’t look infected, and said to come back if it continued. It’s already been a month with it and it’s not gone away. Its incredibly frustrating when it goes. Its disorientating. And surely no visible cause is concerning? Especially given I haven’t made it a year post-op yet.

My heartburn and acid reflux have taken a sudden turn for the worse, around 5 years into suffering with it. I was almost constantly taking gaviscon over the last few days after I came back from my holiday, so I booked an urgent appointment because I couldn’t live like it when it was affecting my sleep too. I’ve got a prescription and they want me to have a OGD. I don’t really see why, because it’s genetics.

I also caught covid again. I went out to a concert and that’s all it took. I however kept testing negative from the Tuesday I first was symptomatic, until the Saturday when I finally tested positive. The one time I went out somewhere that had a lot of people. (Disclaimer: I am fully vaccinated, have the booster and I had covid before (another disclaimer: back when the vaccines weren’t around and my entire family were basically key workers)).

Also had a bunch of other minor illnesses and general conditions/ chronic pain I have getting worse. I think it’s gonna be sick girl summer.

#ChronicPain #BackPain #HearingLoss #GastroesophagealRefluxDisease #Heartburn #AcidReflux #COVID19 #Postop #ill #hardtimes


Final admittance

Today, when reaching out for help, I finally put my thoughts onto paper- “I am going through a mental health crisis”.

These last few days have been hard. Too hard. I’m burnt out, my mind is a mess, I have too much going on and I’m not coping. My appetite has gone again, my mind is constantly running, and I can’t even force a smile anymore.

It’s coming up to the 4th anniversary of when I tried to take my own life, and when my chronic pain started. It’s going through my mind all the time. Along with my mind processing the news given to me months ago- that my depression is treatment-resistant.

I know I’ll live through this, but it’s just so hard. The odds seem to be drastically against me. I’m just thankful to have my friends there for me.

To add to my stress, my prescriptions didn’t get transferred over to my new GP surgery. And they don’t have any appointments available until about a week before I will run out of medication which leaves me very concerned and worried.

At the moment I’m not feeling well physically either. I had my second covid vaccination yesterday and my arm is very painful, my muscles ache, I had a headache and I just generally feel unwell. My back also decided to hurt a lot earlier.

#Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #ChronicPain #Pain #SuicideAttempt #Suicide #MentalIllness #ill #Vaccine #burntout #MentalHealthCrisis


Still struggling

Still struggling with sleeping because of the mucus. It gets frustrating. It’s not acid reflux as gaviscon doesn’t make a difference with it.

Could be allergies but I’m struggling to remember to take my allergy tablets (I’ve forgotten my prescription tablets enough times so it comes as no surprise) so I end up suffering.

I’ve not been feeling well today. Achy chest when I woke up, and I don’t know I just really didn’t feel 100% up until a few hours after work. These days suck. Paracetamol got rid of the headache but that was about it. And another one came on 2 hours later.

Also been having reminders that my chronic pain is still there (apparently I forgot!). I’m just thankful it’s nowhere near as bad as it used to be.

I don’t know if I mentioned before, but I started having the starts of/ very minor panic attacks again. I ended up taking my fluoxetine earlier today. It’s just a bit of a rough patch at the moment. I’m lucky enough it’s rare for them to be full blown ones. I do everything to try and avoid those because I’ve been physically unwell as a result of one many years ago and it’s never left my mind (I have emetophobia, I don’t like even using the word).

In brighter news my hip is better now, bar some aches sometimes. I did have to use voltarol at it’s worst (that stuff is expensive so I try to avoid using it) which worked miracles for a bit (the pain was greatly reduced and it worked really quickly, so I was a very happy girl then).

#ChronicPain #Pain #Injury #Allergies #Anxiety #PanicAttacks #ill #Emetophobia #BackPain


I have been forgetting my meds

I csn set slarms but i lise my phone, i write itdown on caladers sticky notes and my hand, big bold letters # TAKE TABLETS!!!!!
3 days no meds and its not good enough.
#ill get there!🤨🥴



I am so sick and tired of being ill all the time! Depression, anxiety and ptsd have left me with no immune system! I can't deal with all the colds and infections etc anymore!
#ill #Sickness #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #Hadenough #SexualAssaultSurvivors


#New Community pschyciatric nurse

After my mental health had got so bad that I was close to going back into the psyc unit I've been deemed "#ill enough "to qualify for a cpn again which is a good thing ,but the# nurse has been trying to rush me into going out and decorating my flat getting my haircut changing what I wear ,she is very young and only just qualified but everything is just happening to fast and I don't feel like I have any say in what is happening to me it's making me so much more# anxious and Ive started cutting again# any advice please help

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Not my best #CyclothymicDisorder

A week of virus and then a sinus infection. On a course of antibiotics and sleeping on the settee. Self care needed. But I finished my wacky painting. #Art #ill

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The truth shall... #Loneliness #ill not crazy #lies #tired

...and the truth shall...alienate you from everyone, even those who say they care...set you free to be alone and feel lonely...leave you exhausted...give people a reason to think you are crazy...explain why you can't do __________ (fill in the blank with whatever you want; clean up, do dishes, self-care, etc.)

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#MightyPoets #Borderlinedisorder

They told me I've got #Borderline

That my #suffering has a name

They told me there's no cure for this

They said there is no shame,

When I told my family

They said I was making it up

They said my disgusting behaviour

Was just 'me', and my game was up.

I cried and cried, I begged them in vain

I couldn't see what they saw

I only felt my #Pain

Now I know I'm truly #ill

I didn't make it up

I'm no longer on the #border 

because #borderlines game is up!

I refuse to surrender

I'm strong and I am brave

#ME  and my borderline

will fight till we're in the #grave .