It’s official bpd has won again another one bites the dust. Starting to believe I am not ment for relationships and will forever suffer which I seem to prefer. Why do I hate myself so much
Contrary to popular (and mostly wrong) belief, there are positive attributes to having BPD. Of course it doesn't negate how miserable and destructive this disorder is to our everyday life, but it does shine what little light there is on our personalities 🥴 If you couldn't tell, I have a grim outlook on everything, but I'm at least trying!
For one, people with BPD tend to be very creative and expressive through art. I'm not sure what exactly the correlation is, but we do tend to have a community of artists amongst our crowd!
Which then is really no surprise with how insightful we are, having resume-quality experience with emotional turmoil, manic euphoria, and overwhelming numbness. And because we endure this emotional rollercoaster 24/7, we understand some of the deepest and most painful situations and emotions.
We have our lows, and then we have our lowest lows. But continuing with the black-and-white trend of our disorder, that also means we have our highs and highest highs! We love unconditionally, with the purest love that could almost out-beat a mother's. Almost.
And it all goes to say, with the daily shitstorm we fight off every minute, from the criticisms, biases, perfect imperfections, and the fact that our own brains are literally try to kill us, we are probably one of the strongest group of people in the world. I said what I said ❤️
#bpdpositives #bpdawareness #Borderline #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #borderlinepersonalitydisorderawareness #borderlinepersonality #borderlinerecovery #Bpdfeels #bpdlife #Bpdstruggles #Bpdrecovery #bpdthings #bpdwarrior #Bpdsupport #MentalHealthAwareness #MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #thebpdproject #thebpdp
It's my favorite time of my life - mental breakdown, BPD overload! 🙃 As if losing one's job, learning that the love of your life has been cheating on you, and mourning your mom's death as if it was yesterday is a lot already, let's just add a BPD relapse into the mix!
And since I'm going through a lot of rapid emotions, the usual BPD criteria, and waiting for my insurance to be approved to start @talkspace again (just wait for the post I have planned for that!) I figured I would do a re-post (more fitting to the brand now!) of the 9 criteria of BPD!
Designated by the DSM-5, at least five or more of these traits must be met in order to be diagnosed with BPD, and even then most therapists or psychiatrists will take a deeper dive into each to really solidify the diagnosis - it took me a year to finally convince my therapist that I had this disorder. Then it took another 3 years to be diagnosed with Bipolar alongside it, but that's a story for another post! 😅
I plan on doing a deep dive of each criteria, both the clinical and personal definitions of each, so make sure to follow and sign up for my newsletter for when this hits! By the way, I'm really really bad at sending emails - work in progress!
#bpdawareness #Borderline #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #borderlinepersonalitydisorderawareness #borderlinepersonality #borderlinerecovery #Bpdfeels #bpdlife #Bpdstruggles #Bpdrecovery #bpdthings #bpdwarrior #Bpdsupport #MentalHealthAwareness #MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #thebpdproject #thebpdp
So I had an outburst at work yesterday. It blows my mind that I made it almost the entire 10 hour shift without going off on anyone but about 8 hours in I couldn't take the harassment and the shenanigans from my co workers and I just went off and then the area manager stepped in like she actually cares. She said I will look out for you and moved me to a different line. Then I was by myself for a little bit cause you know time out and shit. Then I was moved again this time with other people who were just quiet. After so long it's been 5 years and I'm still being harassed about something so old it irritates me. People just can't let shit go. It has nothing to do with them but they just want to fit in. They just want to feel like they belong because they have a pack mentality because they don't know who they are. It makes me sick to the stomach to know that so many people are lossed and will probably never find themselves. #Bpdstruggles #Worklife #nottakingthislyingdown
𝐈 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡
I wish I didn’t feel like I’m a burden to you.
I wish I didn’t have trouble believing you when you say that you care about me, because I perceive some of your actions otherwise.
I wish I didn’t lay on the floor crying and screaming at the top of my lungs so that my neighbors would ask me if I’m okay when they saw me.
I wish I didn’t drive around town on a regular basis with hot tears rolling down my cheeks.
I wish I didn’t have bruises on my arms from inflicting physical pain as a way of decreasing my emotional pain.
I wish I didn’t need constant reassurance that you’re not mad at me.
I wish I didn’t remember almost every bad thing you’ve done or said to me.
I wish I didn’t feel emotions so freaking intensely.
I wish I didn’t think of suicide so many times a day.
I wish I didn’t feel the need to turn to strong drugs as a way of drowning out my deep emotional anguish.
I wish I didn’t cry myself to sleep on most nights.
I wish I didn’t fall asleep in the embrace of my own hug – as a way to provide some comfort to myself.
I wish I didn’t fantasize about not waking up the next morning.
I wish I didn’t wake up in the morning thinking “why am I still alive”.
I wish you’d accept my compliments because I always mean it.
I wish my life didn’t feel so painfully unbearable.
I wish you didn’t have to feel like you’re walking on eggshells every time you speak to me.
I wish your comments wouldn’t trigger such intense emotional responses.
I wish you’d understand that I don’t trust easily, so when I say I trust you – I mean it.
I wish you’d accept my compliments because they're always genuine.
I wish you’d reach out to me more frequently.
I wish you’d check up on me from time to time.
I wish you’d care about me half as much as I care about you.
And above all,
What I truly wish for ……is not to suffer from BPD
by: BPDBravery Borderline Personality Disorder #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #EUPD #bpdwarrior #bpdlife #Bpdstruggles #bpdsurvivor
Just feeling sorry for existing. I’m so sick of apologizing for my pathological insecurities!! It drives me to say & assert the most awful accusations. I believe what I say when I am saying those things. Sometimes I can’t control my feelings...i can’t control my perception sometimes. I lash out...he explains....he’s telling the truth..I feel ashamed & stupid & abnormal. So embarrassed because I was so dead wrong. I’m working on myself I swear...really really working on myself. It doesn’t matter how hard I work on myself...shit like this still happens. He knows about my BPD he’s so patient...I’ve never loved anyone as deeply as I do him. Who wants to deal with this shit...I def don’t so why would he? Why the fuck does this awkwardness have to coincide with my very existence. The rage is so unbelievable...because I have to get it out. After I spew my shit I can breathe I feel lighter I am not in emotional turmoil anymore. But it’s all for nothing...it was just my goddamned imagination that he’s out to hurt me. I believe it so hard though it is my reality...until it’s not. This is my first time posting. I’m in so much turmoil and pain. I just want to talk to him...but I gotta apologize first....and you know I just don’t wanna say out loud to him that yes I am defective yes there is something fundamentally wrong with me yes I was dead fucking wrong again and I apologize. I just did this last week. I hate #BPD #BipolarDisorder #ADHD
I’m struggling hard today. My heads been horrible. I’m panicky and second guessing everything. I haven’t had medication for three days now and I know that’s a lot of it. It’s just a lot going on. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Bpdstruggles
Who else here falls into music and relates so deeply that your emotions change drastically when the song is over and your head is just steadily coming up with scenarios? Curse? Blessing? I get confused myself. #Bpdstruggles
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