Bullying

To the woman that could be my life partner,

I want to apologize. My life traumas, PTSD, bullying and parental absence has left me terrorized to approach anyone, even to say hello, much less ask anyone out to enjoy an event.

I have low self-esteem that constantly tells me you couldn’t be interested in me. And that low self-esteem would annoy you because I would always be afraid to be my true self around you.

My traumas have reinforced my low self-esteem. Bullies left me always second guessing my worth, and doubting that anyone could want to be my friend, much less than a life partner. My parental absence for the majority of my life has left me seeing the world like this: If I wasn’t good enough for my parents then how can I be good enough for anyone else. Much of my parental abandonment has been healed because I reached out to my mom and had her kick the Benzos that were causing her to sleep all day and basically ignore me for more than a decade as I was growing up.

My depression started at age 7 and has never gone away. Medicines help treat the symptoms but the depression and constant negative self-talk reinforce my low self-esteem. I have always wondered how someone could be friends with me. My depression and anxiety cause me to cancel plans at the last minute because I am terrified of disappointing the people I am joining. Even going somewhere alone left me scared. Sometimes I could face my fears and often my fears were reinforced. I shop at night because I have less of a chance to see people and fewer people. Crowds of more than 5-10 people leave me extremely uncomfortable sometimes to the point of having to leave to quell my anxiety.

My PTSD is due to the number of unresolved traumatic events along with my decision to go numb and stuff my emotions for more than 25 years. I broke with reality. I started believing the negative self-talk. I developed a tremor in my right hand that serves as an anxiety/stress barometer even to this day. My right-hand shakes unrelentingly when I am under stress.

I continue to work on resolving my low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I see some hope that I will live a full life and feel good someday. Perhaps you will still be there and find me then.

Perhaps someday I will be able to show someone who I am. Until then I will continue to wear my public fake happy face.

I remain hopeful and yet guarded.

#PTSD #Depression #Anxiety #Bullying #Hope

I wish I could say I am writing this to share memories, goals, or accomplishments, but I'm not. I'm writing this because I have had it. I feel like every day I wake up and I'm not enough. I lost my best friend, hope, sanity, and worst of all myself. I'm drowning. The things they say to me are unbearable. I have so much going for me. I am achieving a lifelong dream of mine. I met someone who makes me feel whole. These thoughts though...are too much. I may be gone by the time anyone sees this...#EatingDisorders #Bullying #Suicide #Depression #bestfriend

My life was "normal" nothing to see here folks, move along, type normal.

I had a "normal" childhood but a troubled school life, nothing anybody else would call unusual.

I had a "normal" adult life doing "normal" things as anybody else. Sure I ended up a single parent to two kids which was certainly not the initial plan.

I always felt different to others and never felt connected or belonging to a group. I had very few friends but always put that down to either being the new person, (I moved a lot) or to cultural differences between my family and the dominant community around me. I suffered depression which I blamed on genetics and feeling different to others.

I had multiple jobs over the years, the most recent was / is working in an emergency department. One day, a year and a half ago, the ED had a rush of patients from an event that shook me up.

My world crashed and I have been told I suffered a "Decompensation" event. I was strong and could solve this myself. I didn't need help as I could bury this pain and move on. It was suggested I seek help as it was a major event, so I went along as requested. However, the day I understood I really needed help was the day I woke up after a failed suicide attempt.

I have since learned after a year of Psychology appointments, psychiatrist appointments and a very understanding GP, my life that I thought was so normal.....was not normal at all.

I have learnt many lessons and discovered a lot about why I am who I am. I have learnt that I was emotionally neglected as a child, even though I thought it was just normal. I have learnt that many years of school bullying, with no escape day or night, has altered my world beyond my comprehension. I have learnt that burying my pain also buried my joy and was killing my life.

So, I am newish here as I have been sifting through archive stories and posts for a while...... I have discovered people that speak my language and I can relate to more than anybody else.

Thank you for being you. Thank you for the information. Thank you for being around to support each other. Thank you for being unique lovable people.

#CPTSD #Suicide #Depression #PTSD #AdverseChildhoodExperiences #ChildhoodEmotionalAbuse #Bullying #MajorDepressiveDisorder

Hey, I could use some new friends...feel free to message me. 🥹#Bullying #sick #EatingDisorders

Addicted to my pain tried church yesterday and was ignored and I left crying .wanting to go to church I have no friends can I post on here. Will people be nice. people have mocked my pain and used it as a joke religious trauma #Bullying feeling alone in my pain. I'm heartless been thrown away. Can I go to a safe church. I have constant pain physically.

° " So On Saturday It Was Very Hot In The Restaurant... And I Ended Up Having My Second Heat Exhaustion... My Boss And Some Of My New Co-worker's Were Making Fun Of Me And Being Childish... Idk How A Grown 50+ Year Old Woman Can Act Like This... And The New People Are Young But.. They Have Started To Complain About Working And Not Getting Break's... And Somehow I'm The One That Has Been Complaining Alot.. I Have Only Said About One Issue... Even Though Thier Are A Ton Of Issue's.. The Way This Restaurant Is Being Run.. Is A Distasteful... And Favoritism Basically Run's Amuck.. I Get Bullied At Anytime... I Stick Up For Myself Etc.. But I Still Get Blamed For Other People's Mistake's... This World Need's To Change "STOP THE BULLYING IT NOT RIGHT OR FAIR"... And Now I've Gotten My Hour's Cut???16.50 Hour's Of Work.. I'm Only Working For 3 Day's... If They Are Looking To Fire Me.. Without Any Reason... That's On Them.. I'm A Good Hard Worker.. " ° Sincerely, ¤▪︎▪︎▪︎SKAOI KVITRAVN ▪︎▪︎▪︎¤ #Bullying #Discrimination #racisim #Depression

Paul was born with Cerebral Palsy. His mother was told he would never be able to walk. Growing up Paul was bullied and told he couldn’t do many things due to his Cerebral Palsy or lack of ability or intelligence. Paul had big goals and big dreams but he was ashamed. He was sad and angry all the time. It wasn’t until his coach believed in him that Paul was able to start believing in himself. He wanted to hide the fact that he had Cerebral Palsy but it wasn’t until Paul began accepting himself, loving himself, and owning his truth that he was able to become successful and make his dreams a reality. Paul’s story is important because it illustrates how important our words are and how 1 person believing in you can make all the difference.

Listen to today’s podcast episode to hear Paul’s inspiring story.

accordingtodes.com/104-2

#CerebralPalsy #MentalHealth #Bullying #mindset #gratitudepractice #MentalHealthAwareness #CerebralPalsyAwareness #mentalhealthblog #mentalhealthpodcast

Jimmy was diagnosed with autism when he was in 3rd grade and he had much to overcome but on today’s podcast episode, he explains that most of what he needed to overcome was other people’s perceptions and treatment of him. He hated school. He was bullied by his peers and grew up feeling like an outcast but he was determined to overcome his challenges and didn’t let other people’s perceptions define him.

Listen to today’s podcast episode to hear Jimmy talk about how he got to where he is today, thriving in college and an advocate for the autism community.

accordingtodes.com/102

#Autism #Autistic #AutismDiagnosis #AutismSpectrum #MentalHealth #Bullying #mentalhealthpodcast #MentalHealthAwareness #bullyingawareness

Life is so lonely right now. Everything I do seems to be wrong. I’ve been bullied at work and everything is just too much

#SexualAbuse #SexualAssault #Anxiety #lonely #Bullying #MentalHealth #Depression #PanicAttacks #CheckInWithMe #sad