Constantly having suicidal thoughts, on not wanting to be here anymore. Just living day in and day out wishing I wouldn’t be here in this situation any more. I feel like I’m a burden on family and friends because I keep having to ask them for rides places. Yet they keep asking me if I’m driving yet and the answer is still no. I have a car just haven’t gotten the insurance yet. I’m constantly thinking of what could happen to me if I drive again. On one hand I could gain my independence back/freedom and on the other hand I could get into another car accident. I know I can’t do anything to stop the second scenario, so people say; what’s the problem, why aren’t you driving yet? My anxiety is at an all time high, I’m shaky all the time and I cannot do anything to stop it. So I journal my thoughts down to get them out of my head. I keep thinking what’s the point of me living anymore, I am slowly loosing hope and my faith because I can’t understand how a God can love me when I’m a Trans Man. My body’s going through some of the changes, yet my family can’t take a second out of there day to dig deeper in questions. Do they really love me? I don’t feel the love right now. This pain in my brain just won’t go away, people don’t get me I’m a rollercoaster of emotions and I can’t even understand them myself. Does it really get better? Who knows. #SuicidalIdeation #Pain #mentalhealthcheck #gettingbetter #confused #MajorDepressionDisorder #generalizedanxiety #Hypervigilance #Hyperattentive #Insomnia #Cantfeelthelove #Feelingemotionssober #SOBERLIFE #Masking #Shareemotions #Nocommunity #Transman #lost #Hardtoaskforhelp #Strugglelife #Strugglebus #Life